Friday, 31 August 2012

Dudes

Tomorrow? It's September.

No, seriously it is. I double checked.

How crazy is that?

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Timing


Fun.: We Are Young ft. Janelle MonĂ¡e (ACOUSTIC) 

This song changed my life earlier this month.

(And, yes, I only just realized the irony of that statement. As the last day of the month, everything is "earlier this month.")

But, really, it did.

I'm sure I've posted this song here before, but I don't label my posts (something I often think I should do when I'm looking for videos I've posted, but then I don't know how to go and back-label six or seven years' worth of posts so I don't and instead just complain about it in my head and apparently, today, out loud.) and so I can't find if and/or when I did. But, yes, it's been in my list of favourite songs since I first heard it.

And I'm less sure that I've talked about it here, but I've been struggling with my age this year and feeling... old. I know I talk about feeling like I should be un-single by now, but this birthday didn't sit well with me, numbers wise, and I've been having a hard time with it.

I got really low this summer, and was beating myself up about so many things (the posts are stuck in my head right now, but I'll write them out soon, I hope) and how old I looked/felt/was was a big one.

And one day, I was on the treadmill at the gym, and this song came on my iShuffle.

And you know how sometimes it's all about how something you've heard or seen a bunch of times just has to hit you in the right way at the right time? Yeah. That's what happened.

I'd probably been worrying about my Dad, and thinking about how he's really not as "old" as I used to think someone his age was and then the incredibly attractive (in an unusual sort of way) Nathaniel Joseph Ruess was singing in my ear that "we are young."

And it was like a wave of relief washed through me. I am young.

I am not my Dad's age. To him, I am still very young.

To people in their 90s, my Dad is young.

I AM young. And in some way I will always be young.

I will always be younger than a large group of people. (Yes, unless I am fortunate enough to live an incredibly long, healthy life, I know...)

I've been looking backwards and thinking how old I am instead of seeing it in context.

I've been stuck watching tv shows and movies where everyone is young and thinking I'm not anymore, instead of looking at life and reality and seeing that I am young.

As often happens here, I feel like I'm not quite expressing the magnitude of clarity I was struck with. I'm not managing to put into words the calm and peace and happiness I felt.

I wish I could show you; tell you, but at least I can tell you that this song changed my life in that moment, and I'm grateful.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!

So a couple of weeks? a month? time periods ago, there was a super cute (hot) guy at the gym. Now, there are often cute/hot/good looking guys at the gym, but this guy was a) super cute and b) within my "I'm not wearing my glasses so people too far away are blurry" range of vision.

So super cute. (Like, I can't think of anyone who would find him non cute, but maybe that's just me. Different strokes and all.)

But anyway, the first time I ran into him, we were both using a piece of equipment that has two areas and I had to check with him to see if he needed both sides/areas or just the one. He said no, that was fine and gave me a nice smile. I giggled inside. As we were both working out, someone next to us did something odd. I can't remember what... handstand pushups or loud grunts or maybe a combination of both, and he looked over at me and gave me a shrug, raised eyebrow smile kind of thing and we both laughed. And I fainted inside. Happily.

It was a nice gym moment, anyhow, and I was able to imagine that he was being more than just "gym friendly."

Well, imagine my surprise when the other day, as I was walking through the gym parking lot, I saw him (and was close enough to recognize his cute cute face!) And you guys? He smiled at me. Like, a hey, I recognize you kind of smile. Not a "there's a random person" polite smile.

And we smiled at each other and I kept walking and then I stopped.

"I should tell him his smile just made my day." I thought.

Because his smile had just made my day. Him smiling at me had made my day.

And I stood there, and turned around. And then turned back around and then turned to go back out the door and as I did, he reached his vehicle (because of course it wasn't a car, it was an older, Jeep or SUV kind of cool truck kind of thing of COURSE IT WAS HE'S THAT CUTE!) and he. Took. Off. His. Shirt.

He.

Took.

Off.

His.

Shirt.

And I only saw his back because it was a hot hot day and he was stripping off before getting into his car and no, I didn't go running out after the now half naked hot guy to tell him he'd made my day, but yeah. That double made my day.

I was beaming for the next hour, and grinned for the rest of the evening.

And of course there's the temptation to over-analyze it and start to wonder if he thought I was cute and if he's maybe single but of course he's not, he's too cute for that, etc. etc. But I don't want to do that.

I just want to enjoy what I haven't even been able to properly describe here and the happy it gave me.

Ahhhh cute gym boy. I think I love you.

Thank you.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

A Blue Grey Kind of Day

Half by foundimagination
I woke up with the Melancholies this morning.

Well, I didn't really wake up with them, they just kind of piled on to me bit by bit. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness and all that.

I'm on holiday this week. Vacation. Whatever. Not working, and I love love love not working. (Whoops, am I not supposed to say that out loud?)

This was the week we were supposed to go up Island for a family vacation, and while I suppose we still could (I'd need to drive Mom and Dad, Dad's not allowed to drive yet and Mom wouldn't do the four plus hour drive) or even I could (by myself I suppose, or just Mom and I) I think it's not going to happen. And maybe that's what's bumming me out?

I also don't feel like doing anything, but then that feels like I'm wasting my time off and I'm already not looking forward to having to be back at work and that seems like a massive waste of time and energy and not being-in-the-moment-ness, but still. I don't wanna.

So I'm feeling blue.

I feel like I should get up and do something magnificent! I should... book a flight to Hawaii! Or...go visit some obscure part of Victoria I haven't been to before! Or... at least get up and go to the gym. Or something.

But I can't shake the feeling right now that I'm going to end up feeling this way right up until the day I have to go back to work and I don't want to. And that's the problem with this kind of sadness, or maybe all sadnesses in general. They make it feel like this is how you are going to be feeling for the rest of forever and then nothing feels worth anything anymore.

I dislike days like this very much.

Ugh.

Monday, 27 August 2012

Gradual, But Inevitable

A few weeks ago, I heard a flight of Canadian Geese overhead. Their V-shape was a big scraggly, but they certainly seemed to be heading somewhere, honking their way to their winter destination.

Perhaps this is a solely Canadian event; the honking of migrating Canadian geese heralding the start of Fall and the coming, eventually, of winter.

But nonetheless, I tried to ignore it. Oh, that was just a rogue flock of nervous travellers I told myself. They're just trying to get ahead of the crowd. But unless they've re-done the route three, four, five more times this month, I've heard and seen more flights of geese winging there way south.

I always get a little sad when Fall starts showing up. I love summer, for so many reasons, and while I love Fall once I'm in it, I always wish it would just stay away a little bit longer and leave me with my bright, sunny, long days and my flip flops and bare arms.

Change is the only constant and all that, and seasons are fleeting; they change as we're in them and summer's one I always feel I didn't have quite enough time to enjoy it.

Guess I'll just have to try to really appreciate however much of Summer is left. Even if the geese are trying to tell me there's not much more to go.

Saturday, 25 August 2012

Make Up Your Minds

Men At Work (And Not) by foundimagination
I had a scale weirdness the other week.

The scale at the gym is one of those special, doctor's office ones where you have to move the weight counter balance thing, if you know what I mean? And at home, I have a regular stand on it home scale.

I'm used to my home scale maybe being a pound or two lighter than the gym one, but generally not too far off.

Except last week there was a six pound difference in the span of 24 hours.

Six. Pounds.

Maybe my runners weigh a lot or maybe my clothes were extra heavy or something but other than that, that's a wacked out amount of weight to put on/lose/whatever in less than a day.

Water weight? Bloating? Had I just eaten dinner? I have no idea. I don't even know if water weight/bloating is a real thing or if dinner packs on that quickly.

But let me tell you, whatever it was? It made me very. Very. Grumpy.

Stupid scales.

Friday, 24 August 2012

Especially The Really Tall Ones

I think ladders are suspicious and I don't trust them at all.

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Aaaaand Breathe

By The Sea by foundimagination
Well, that was a rough few days there.

Dad's surgery was a couple of days ago and the weekend leading up to it was....fine, but stressful too, somehow none of us were as confident or comfortable with this one, I suppose with all the fears left over from last years surgery.

But things went smoothly (one minor glitch that wasn't really an issue) and he's home and sore but fine.

And I'm exhausted (not as much physically) and ready for a rest, but very much relieved.

One of the things the hospital did was have Dad himself phone us once he was out and comfortable. I can't tell you the relief to hear his voice, sounding great saying "you can come pick me up at 3"

"Is that really you? Are you really ok? Does it hurt?"

All the questions you can't ask a nurse when they call, and to hear his voice was so reassuring and such a relief. I thought it was great.

So now it's another slow recovery for Mom and Dad (but not as slow as last time I think) and some time for me to recuperate from the worry and fear that creeped up on me the closer we got.

I'm glad things went well, and I'm glad we're on the other side of it.

Whew.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

I'm OK

I had a friend visiting last weekend. Well, I should say, *we* had a friend visiting last weekend, as she's one of those people who was a friend of my friend and then we all became friends together but that doesn't really matter does it? No.

So this friend lives in Australia and after a few drinks and hours of reminiscing (much needed and such a tonic to my spirit let me tell you) she decided that I would be a perfect match with her friend (insert name here) who, just happens to live in Australia.

And I'm sure it was the drink talking, because that's probably the longest long distance relationship you could come up with and so I just smiled and nodded.

But. (Isn't there always a but?)

But, when I'm dragging along the bottom of wherever it is sadness lives, as I am in this precise moment of writing I would welcome the pain and angst that goes along with that distance.

I can't be with you, I miss you, why won't you move here? I can't move there. Will this ever work, I miss you, this is so hard.

They give you a reason, a focus for the sadness and right now I want something to tag on to this moment of pain.

Which is funny, really.

Because I know why I'm sad, and I should be able to tag that on, but it's almost as if I know that if I did? It would be too much and I still have to get through.

I just thought that was odd.

But, that's ok. I'm ok.

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Arrival

The Mist by foundimagination
Occasionally I find myself telling a story that I know I've typed out here and hoping that person doesn't think I'm repeating myself and then reassuring myself that they wouldn't because there are very few people in my regular day to day life who read this blog.

This is almost the opposite, I feel like I've said things or recounted stories to people in real life so many times that I *must* have written them here and then I don't quite know where to start because all I can think is... aren't I repeating myself?

But, I suppose, even if I were, it wouldn't really matter.

I know the blogs I love to read I read for the voice, and when they say "man, I have nothing to write about, sorry" I just want to tell them I DON'T CARE JUST WRITE!

Not that I'm assuming any of you feel that way, but sometimes I need to remind myself that it's ok to just write, not having to write about anything or to tell any story or anecdote or hey guess what's happening to me right now?! Just.. you know, to put pen to paper.

Digitally speaking.

Monday, 20 August 2012

Wait A Second...

I kept wondering if this weekend was a holiday weekend that I'd somehow missed out hearing about.

The streets were quiet and my apartment parking lot was empty and it seems like everyone was camping and I just kept wondering... did I... miss this?

But, I guess it's just August and summer and great weather and people are doing what you do in summer... going away. Even if it's just for the weekend.

But still. I kept feeling just a little bit off kilter because things were so quiet. And then I went to get groceries and realized *that* was where everyone was!

How was your weekend?

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Yay!

I Say Stick With The Neutrals by foundimagination
Well, gosh, didn't my little temper tantrum make me look silly when I ended up with a whole bunch of questions to answer in the end?

So here goes!

Elliott asked:
1) if not the Canucks, then who?
Calgary Flames!

2) best road trip you've been on? (the family is currently on an epic summer roadtrip to DC...and having a blast)

We used to go camping (with my parents) every summer, sometimes up to Osoyoos, but often down to Coolee Dam (in Washington state) and I loved that! Glad you're having a fun trip too!

3) favourite Canadian band? (mine is the Hip, but also love the Guess Who, Neil Young, and Triumph)
The Hip, The Hip, The Hip for sure The Hip! (But yes, Neil Young and the Guess Who also rock, as do several others from that era)



And J.S. is wondering:
1. When are we going to meet? lol
Welllllll, maybe not ever because I hardly make it to the mainland these days and when I do I barely visit the people I should visit, but hey, you never know! I always imagine one day just randomly coming across each other and being like, Hey! It's you! :)

2. If you could have a superpower, which would it be?
I kind of want to fly, but maybe that's a waste of a superpower. I also think it would be cool to be able to speak every language, but again, that seems a bit of a waste because probably if I tried really really hard I could just... learn them? Does it have to be a superpower or can I have magic? Hmmm... how about I just keep it simple and stick with flight? Or, no, I know, the ability to do that mind warp thing apparently vampires do! (Wait, does that make me evil?)

3. If consequences never existed, what you would do/get away with?
I might sleep with a lot more people if I didn't have to think about physical/emotional/social consequences. And if we got rid of the consequence of people's feelings getting hurt, I might be a lot more frank/honest/straightforward in what I said. But in terms of sort of naughty/illegal stuff? Maybe I'd steal things like a new car or other really expensive things I don't really need but want. And I'd like to not show up for work but not get fired!



And Dominic asked:
1) The first word that came into your head upon reading this question was..?

Petunias

2) Why do you use Safari?
I actually (strangely?) use three different browsers, but for different reasons, at different times. I use Safari because I do. But I also use Firefox and Chrome.

3) If you COULD take a useful instruction book onto a desert island, how long do you think it'd take you to build the boat etc and get back to civilisation?

Oh man... I guess I have to build the boat n stuff. Months I suppose? Cuz I'd have to cut down the trees and make it into the planks or whatever and that'd all take time, so... yeah, months? Three months? If I'm lucky? Oh, and then depending on where I was, another few weeks of sail time maybe? Or maybe I'd sail right into a boating channel and be rescued that very day!

Friday, 17 August 2012

Fine! (Pout) (Glare)

Since none of you wanted to play with me, I'll just have to write my own random questions to myself.

*pout*

What colour is your water bottle?

Why, thanks for asking me, me! It's purple. My last one was purple too, with a Canucks sticker, but I lost it. I have no idea where. So I bought a new one, same colour.

What did you do last night?

Well, I can't remember the last time I had to do this, but I actually went around my apartment last night with no clothes on. Yep, it was that hot. But don't worry, I had the blinds down.

What's your favourite book?

That's not a fair question, which is awkward since I'm asking myself these questions, you'd think I would just... you know, not ask? But, yeah, I'm not sure. Wouldn't even know where to begin. Well, that's not true, I could just go over to my bookshelf and start listing book names since I generally only keep the books I love. Anyway.

What's on your mind right now?

Lots of things, actually, but before I typed out this question, I was wondering about my computer. I guess it's a bit older, and it's struggling and being slow with a few things (multiple applications open at a time, internet stuff, Safari freezes a lot, etc.) and while I don't really need a new one, do I get a new one because this one's not great anymore or do I wait until something goes wrong or what? I don't want to just throw money around because things are a little bit annoying, but.... I dunno.

What's a random fact about yourself?
My elbows hyper-extend. Like, I can twist my arms so that the inside of my elbow faces forwards. It makes people go "ewww" and means that for my arms to be "straight", I actually have to bend them a little.

Do you prefer hot weather or cold weather?

I prefer sunshine and long days (with lots of light.) Other than that, I don't really know, each of them has a good side.

What's the best thing about the weekend?

Not working! Duh.

What's the last song you listened to?
I have no idea. I was listening to my iPod shuffle when I went for a walk (a short walk because, dude, hot) so whatever came on last. All I know is that when I typed this out I got a song stuck in my head, but it's not the last one I listened to. I don't know what that was.

What do you wish?
Lots of things. Health. Lots of health. I think that's what I most wish for right now. Health all round.





Updated to add:

Yay Anne! Canadian Anne in England done gone asked me some questions last night after I finished typing out the above. So here goes! (And they're toughies too!)

1. what would be your 3 desert island books (excluding a bible & complete Shakespeare)
Hmmm, as I said above, I don't know what my favourite books are, so I did, indeed, go over to my bookshelf to mull this over. The problem with desert island books is you don't want one that once you've read it you know the twist/ending (like Ender's Game, which I adore) and you also should probably take something big so it takes a while to get through while you're waiting to be rescued and something dense so that you can read it a few times and get something new out of it. I'm going to avoid saying something like "the ultimate survival guide to being stranded on a desert island" because I hate it when people ruin the game like that. (you're stranded on a desert island, what three things will you take? A boat, gasoline and a ham radio. Booooo!) So.....I think I'll take the Combined Lord of the Rings Trilogy (it'll be a big ass book) and looking through my library for other big books I enjoyed, I'll take The Fionavar Tapestry and....hmmm, this is tough....Wizard's First Rule maybe? Or Game of Thrones? Or can I combine all the Harry Potters into one? Or should I take something I haven't read yet.... nah.... too much of a risk. Did that answer the question? Kind of?

2. what is your favourite era for female clothing
I think women looked pretty awesome in the 40s/50s. I'm sure it would have been annoying and uncomfortable, but I love that people always seemed pulled together and like they tried with their hair and clothing and liked to present themselves well. Know what I mean?

3. which is your favourite museum and painter
I haven't been in a huge number of museums but I've been lucky enough to go into the Louvre, so I'll go with that. Not sure I could name a favourite painter....I suppose I would go with Van Gogh, but that seems cheesy. There's a piece by Goya (I think) that's always struck me, and I like some of Georgia O'Keefe's colours. Older stuff, generally, but ugh, this isn't a nice question either! But thanks for the questions Anne!


Thursday, 16 August 2012

Do Me A Favour Would You?

Glory by foundimagination
Ask me three random questions, and I'll answer them in a post tomorrow!

Well, I'd probably type it out tonight to post tomorrow, but you know what I mean, right?

Cuz if you'd do that, I wouldn't have to be quite so frustrated about not having the time to think through all what I want to say.

Ya know?

Had another gloriously hot and sunny day today, with a breeze just to make it perfect.

Which was pretty good for a Wednesday.

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Blah

I just watched a super sad video on YouTube and now I'm feeling completely depressed and I told myself I had to write a post before I went to bed but this is all I can manage even though I know I'll wake up in the morning and be all happy again and, sigh.

I hope you have a really nice Wednesday.

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Oh, The Times, They Are

Ready to Dock by foundimagination
I feel like I have a lot to talk about, but not quite the mental ability to talk about it, if you know what I mean.

Like, I have to sit down and sort through my thoughts and make them somewhat coherent and then type them out, and I don't have the energy for that quite this moment.

You know how when kids go through a growth spurt, they sleep all the time so their body can, you know, get through all the growing? Mental and emotional growing is tiring too, so to make a sensical blog post may have to wait.

Plus, I'm trying to enjoy as much of this glorious summer as I can, so that includes being out and about and also kicking back and relaxing.

See? I don't even know what I'm talking about here in this non post.

So, yeah.

Totally.

Monday, 13 August 2012

Hi

I had a really good Sunday.

I spent the morning at a get together in the park and the evening visiting with two great, close, long time friends, one of whom is visiting from Australia.

We laughed and caught up and it was a really good time, much needed.

I'm sorry it's Monday, but hey... only four more days til the weekend y'all!


(I stayed up late Sunday night to write this so that I wouldn't leave a blank page up on Monday, and then, I guess because it was so late, I typed in the wrong date so it didn't post anyway, so here you go! Better late than never, right? Right! Plus, now there's only FOUR more days til the weekend! Yay!)


Saturday, 11 August 2012

Man, I Love My Parents (And Good People In General)

I know I'm extra sensitive about all things parent-related right now, but whenever I see Olympic coverage of parents watching their child compete, or an Olympic-themed add about the support athletes get from their parents, I'm instantly in tears.

Like this one from a few months ago, ooof, right in the feels:


Procter & Gamble Olympics Mother's day TV Ad 



Edited to add: the other videos I had up I can't find anymore but am sure they were good too

Friday, 10 August 2012

Through

Like Feathers and Wax by foundimagination
I got a hurtful text out of the blue from one of my oldest friends yesterday.

Although she didn't put it this simply, she was upset that I hadn't responded to her last two invitations to visit her. And she was very angry about it.

I, of course, was stunned and felt horrible and apologized immediately, explaining what's been going on, and apologizing again, but I haven't heard back from her other than a text wishing my Dad well.

After I'd calmed down somewhat from the surprise and hurt I felt myself, I thought things through.

I know I'm not the greatest at being social with my friends. I don't accept every invitation to come over or hang out or go to a barbecue or whatever it might be. I wouldn't say that's my forte as a friend. (Or as a daughter/sister/co-worker as the case may be.)

But I'm a good friend in other ways, and I appreciate that most of my friends and acquaintances accept this about me. As far as friends go, I'm on the less social side of things.

And for once, I'm not beating myself up about it.

I've grown a lot in the last few years, and learning who I am and then learning to accept who I am is an ongoing and challenging thing.

I'm very sad that I've inadvertently hurt my friend and I feel rude and careless that I missed responding to her invitations. I know, from my end, it wasn't on purpose, but I still should have not gotten distracted or whatever and done the polite thing and declined the invitation, that's my bad and I'll do my best to be better about that. (I'd thought I had been pretty good about that, but certainly my focus has been on immediate family this past year and especially this past month.)

And I'm also sad that my friend handled things this way. The text she sent was an angry one and I had no warning or idea that she was upset so her anger hit me full force, without warning.

I try to remember that often when someone's really upset there's something more going on in their life behind the surface and I do my best to be understanding of where they're coming from, but I don't quite know what or how to repair damages here.

(Yes, I've called and left a message, and hope to hear from her.)

It also reminds me to continue to be careful when I have a grievance with someone, especially someone close, because being blindsided is an awful feeling.

I try, when a friend or loved one upsets me or hurts me in some way, to see where it is I'm coming from. Is it my issue that's at play here? Or is there something worth talking over with this person?

And if I think that a conversation might improve things, which, as I said the other week, I'm not always sure it does, I'll try my best to be calm about it, not to bring it up in anger, although that's easier said than done of course.

But I like to think that if I had a problem with the way a friend treated me, that I'd be able to say "Hey, I feel like you always put your work ahead of our friendship and it makes me feel lonely." or whatever. But maybe I wouldn't. Maybe I'd just hold it in until I snapped and then.... wish I hadn't. Or something.

I'm not happy that this has happened, but I'm happy that my brain didn't get stuck in "no one likes me and I'm a horrible person" mode, because that's certainly where it was headed for a while.

I'll miss my friend if this is the tipping point of our relationship and she choses to end things or withdraw somewhat, but I will also remind myself that I am a good person, and I am a good friend, even if I'm not the type of friend some people want.

And to the couple of friends who have found their way to this blog over the years, thank you for allowing me to be who I am and for accepting me flaws and all, even when those flaws maybe frustrate you or make you feel like I don't spend much time with you. I love my friends dearly, and think about them all the time, and I hope at least that much comes across. I would never intentionally hurt the people I love, and I always mean the best.

I am learning who I am, for better or worse, and accepting the good and the bad and working on the ugly. It's a bumpy road and nothing close to easy, but I think it's important and I value the process enough to keep going.

Thursday, 9 August 2012

And The Confusing

I've been worried about a lot of things these last few weeks, some bigger than others, of course, but all still muddling around in my mind in an unhappy sort of way.

Exhibit one: My camera started not focussing properly so after very helpful emails with Canon Canada, I sent it off (holy smokes UPS is expensive) and waited for them to fix it.

Except they didn't.

Which frustrates me to no end.

They had me try a number of things and when they didn't help, they told me to send it to them and I was happy to do so. Then they contacted me after they received it to tell me they couldn't replicate the problem (which is SO unfair as both myself and the guy at the store I bought it at could make the problem happen and I explained to them when/how it happens) and then they said it was the lens and they'd repair or replace that and then they said they still couldn't replicate (duplicate, whatever) the problem and so they were sending the lens and camera back un-fixed at no charge.

Because nothing was wrong.

Except something is.

Argh.

So, I was hoping to just take the worry of "broken camera, should I buy a new one? Do I trust a local repair shop?" away and just have it fixed.

And now it's going to come back to me un-fixed and I don't know what to do.

So that worry didn't get lessened any.

And of course, I think we were kind of hoping that Dad having to call 911, as per cardiologist's orders would get his surgery rushed through, but it didn't and so that didn't clear up any worries there either.

Two un-relieved worries, one to go.

My health.

It's a whole separate post, really, but to summarize, my bloodwork was off and so I had another set to see if things were really out of whack and they are but not enough to explain anything, so that was upsetting, because if things had been fully weird, we'd have been able to go forward, but they're only half weird, so it's, unclear and another un-relieved worry.

I'd really hoped that taking charge of at least the camera situation and the health situation would resolve/sort out some things, but it ended up not helping or fixing anything and that's been frustrating and upsetting.

I like clarity.

Who doesn't?

Sigh.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

With The Bad

Between Four and Five by foundimagination
But although the long weekend had some wonderful days, there's been some really rough stuff leading up to it.

I got a phone call late Friday night, never a good sign, especially not when it was my Mom, calling from the ER.

My Dad's fine, let me put that out there right away, but the phone call's never one you want to get.

My Dad's cardiologist had insisted that, along with not driving (and operating chainsaws, etc. were my Dad so inclined) he is to call 911 if he feels dizzy/faint over the next few weeks til we wait for his surgery date.

And while Dad's not always great at following what the doctors would like him to do, I guess after most of a day of feeling poorly, they did indeed call 911.

My parents called me once before from the ER, after someone t-boned their car, and both that time and this time they said "don't come, stay home."

Which, is completely not what I did, either time.

Not that I needed to be there, but what else could I have done, sat at home worrying? No. So I got dressed, and headed out, and kept them company.

I could tell when I got there that he wasn't in rough shape, and as weird as it may sound, the fact that he waited for hours before he got seen (after the initial triage and checkups of course) sort of relieved me. If he'd been dying right then and there, they'd probably be fussing about him a lot more and not just... ignoring him while they dealt with the seriously sick people.

When he finally did get moved from the waiting area to the area where he was monitored, it helped that the male nurse assigned to him was handsome and charming.

Well, that helped cheer me up anyway.

The ER doc that saw him was also very reassuring and kind, and thorough, and both he and the nurse insisted that if Dad had another episode like that he was to come back in.

I know, it seems counter-intuitive to be told to call 911 if you feel a certain way, only to be taken in, checked out and sent home, but that's just how it is until his surgery and he's not to be out of range of a hospital until his surgery.

I was glad it was the weekend though, as my body doesn't take to 3 am nights any more (if it ever really did) and I felt sleeping in the next morning was completely justified.

Oddly enough, the trip to the ER greatly reassured my parents. The doc told them the risk for Dad over the next few weeks of waiting was not huge as long as he didn't push himself and stayed close to 911 access. My parents also felt that having been through the "call 911" process, they're ok with doing it again. Like, they realized it wasn't that big of a deal, they got help, it all turned out ok.

Mom said they'd only called me because they forgot the gate card to get back into their complex so wouldn't have been able to get a taxi back to their place and so they needed my card. I, of course, drove them home and told them I was happy to do it again if necessary, but they say next time they'll just take a cab.

I don't know why this strikes me as so wrong, but, whatever works for them.

Maybe that was part of why the weekend felt so good. To have been through that stress (when my Mom called, I didn't know what to expect) and anxiety and long wait to have then three days of rest, relaxation, good happy times with my parents, and sunshine was a wonderful counterpoint. Magnified the good, I suppose.

Some sort of karmic balancing or something.

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

You Take The Good

I've had a mixed few days, but I find myself feeling weirdly relaxed and anxious all at the same time (if that's possible) after the long weekend.

We had glorious weather, complete with sunny, delicious heat and a cooler, cloudy holiday Monday morning that meant it felt right to be lazing about at home.

Took in the ocean on Sunday, (took a short spin in a kayak for the first time since before my accident, and yes, it hurt that night!) and then took myself to Symphony Splash where I thoroughly enjoyed the tribute to John Williams. That guy rocks. (Plus, I correctly guessed all the themes in the medly!) And the marching piper band guys (and gals), they were great too. It's always great. You should go. Next year.

Read a bit, had my Mom re-teach me knitting, walked up a big hill in the heat, ate delicious Ranier cherries, slept well, relaxed.

Saturday was good, although I can't quite remember all that I did, and Sunday was epically great and Monday was good and mellow. So a really good long weekend that came around at exactly the right time.

Helped, if didn't fix... things.

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Catching Up

Ready by foundimagination
While we all play the waiting game around these here parts, here's what else of not-very-consequence is going on.

It's August, which is nice, and we've had lovely weather for a great while now. Lots of things seem to happen in August. It's like the December of Summer, if that makes sense. Symphony Splash this weekend, which is unfortunately reminding me of meeting Chad.

My camera started acting weird mid-July and after a few days of it not quite being able to focus, I contacted Canon. They had me try a few things which didn't help and so I sent it in for them to fix. Now I'm not entirely sure what's going on as their repair service emails are terribly confusing. So either they haven't found anything at all wrong with my camera (which will really weird me out and confuse me) or they have and are going to fix it. Not sure. Waiting to have an email back from them.

I'm currently shooting with my old digital camera (non-SLR) and I'm having to adjust the shots I take. The thing I notice the most is the feeling of being unable to see what I'm taking a picture of. But it's still a decent little camera, and I'm managing. Can't wait to get my real camera back though, and hopefully fixed, too.

Also waiting to have some blood test results back, and keep refreshing the "results" page, and it's driving me a little bit batty.

My Dad's not allowed to drive right now, and we're still weeks away until his scheduled surgery date (and he won't be allowed to drive after that for a while either) so I'm driving my parents when I can. My Mom can drive, for sure, but I know she's very anxious right now waiting, so when I can, I head over and give them a lift somewhere. It makes me feel like I'm helping, and it also gives me an excuse to hang out with them. Not that I need an excuse really. You know what I mean.

I don't know that I'll be going away on a trip at the end of August anymore (see driving, above) but I think I'll still take holiday time. People seem to be going on holiday all around (including two of my Dad's doctors and my friend's OBGYN) so I guess I should do the same, but they're apparently going to do some work around the building right around the same time, so I may not have the most relaxing time at home, but... such is life. I find I'm caring a little less about things these days.

This is a long weekend. I think a lot of people go out of town for the long weekend, so, happy camping/vacationing to them all I say.

I'm sure there's other stuff going on, but for now that's all I can think of. I'm still a little bit rattled and not quite on top of things mentally, but we're coping and it helps to have sunshine and long days.

Thursday, 2 August 2012

Random Questions

(I completely stole this from Jonathan. Didn't even ask, just plain old stole it. Figured it would give me something to say, at least. Sorry for the thievery Jonathan!)

If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?

I would have it so we were allowed to have pets, and then I'd get a dog!!!!

What was the last thing you bought?

Gum (the kind I like was on sale), Skittles (ditto on the sale) and soap. (Wasn't on sale but I'm currently using my last bar.)

Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?

Not technically. I've tried to ride a dirt bike. Fell over pretty quickly. Haven't tried since.

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?

No. Absolutely not bungee jumping. And I used to say that I would never sky dive, but for some reason I've now changed my mind to "maybe." But probably not.

Do you have a garden?

No. But I have houseplants if that counts, and I can see trees and things out my window.

Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?


Absolutely. In English and in French.


What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

On a work day? "Nooooooooooooo!" (As in, I'm not ready yet.) On a weekend? "Ahhhh, I don't have to work, I think I'll hit snooze."


If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?

I have absolutely no idea. I guess I'll say the Queen. She's been around a while and seen a lot and I bet she has a lot of interesting stories to tell. Plus, it would be quite an experience!

Who sent the last text message you received?

Ironically, I sent myself one from my parents' iPad. Wanted to see how the address turned up. If that doesn't count, then it was from my dear friend and (currently eight months pregnant) co-worker.

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

I don't want to max out my credit card because then I'll just have to pay it all back and I'll be in debt. But, to go with the flow of things, I'd want to max out my credit card at London Drugs. They've got all the ordinary things you need for around the house, plus electronics (new computer, camera, phone, etc.) and everything in between.

(Now here, go see what Jonathan said.)
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2017 and then some.) Kay? Kay.