Taking The Hits So You Don't Have To

There's a moment, just so you know, after you flip the egg too aggressively where it splats onto your stove (but luckily not the element) where you just stare at it... all splatted out there, half cooked, looking actually quite edible, on your stove top.

And the thought that goes with that moment, just so you know, is "huh".

Now that I've done that, you don't have to, and you're welcome.

Book/TV/Dream

Jason and I have been re-watching the tv show Dexter.  We've both seen it already, but we sometimes have a hard time picking something to watch that we both want to watch and we were both ok with giving Dexter another run through.  (I mean, it's not exactly light viewing... being about a murderer and all... I'll say no more in case you want to watch it some day.)

I've always wondered about the book the tv show came from, and I finally got my hands on it and the funniest things are happening. 

So, I read before bed, yes?  So I'm reading Dexter, and it's not 100% the same as the show but it's close enough, but the first few nights I was reading it I'd close my eyes and "see" what I'd just read, but kind of like my mind was replaying the tv version, which is funny because I don't see the tv version when I'm reading...

And then the other night Jason and I had watched an episode where Dexter's sister asked him if he wanted to go for lunch and he said no (I think he was avoiding her or something?) and then in the book that night she asked him to go for lunch and I was like "but she just asked and he... oh... wait..."

So, yeah, it's a funny thing to be reading about characters while watching a version of them, but "later" in the story line, on tv.  My brain's doing the best it can!

So Cute!

I know someone who is a birder, so as a hobby they watch birds, or look for birds or however it exactly works, but this person likes birds; especially owls.

They also have a little dog, and when I went over there the other day this person told me I had to see the cutest thing...

So someone bought them a fake owl.  Like it's not a stuffed taxidermy owl, but it's not a toy stuffed animal owl either, it's sort of in between.  So it's a fake owl, but it looks kind of real.

Real enough, apparently that some instinct in the little dog's brain has been set off!  I got to witness the dog sitting and staring at the owl, which was cute enough, but the owl had been put on a low shelf and the dog went over and sniffed it's butt!  It was so cute.  The dog seemed genuinely confused as to why there was no animal smell when this was clearly an animal!

Maybe you had to be there, but yeah.... cute.  (A little bit odd and interesting perhaps but still)

Helpful!

Someone asked me to help them clean up some potentially not healthy stuff this weekend (think
grimy, dusty sort of stuff) and they said "bring gloves if you have them", so I (with some glee!) went into my box of Burning Man gear and pulled out my Burning Man dust mask and my Burning Man gloves and even my Burning Man goggles!  And I helped, but I was also protected and it was kind of fun to be like "hey, I actually have stuff that can be useful in this kind of situations!"

I know there's probably gear that's better suited or something but I was just happy and I felt useful and those are nice things to feel, yay.

(Oh, as a bonus? last night when I went to bed I could smell playa dust just a little)

Bodies are So Weird! Also, WHY?

So in the ongoing saga of "why my body do dat?" I was sitting there last night on my couch as always, when I got up to get a drink of water.

Or, what I should say is I got up to attempt to get a drink of water because my right hip went NO!

And then I swear it started laughing hysterically.

So, really, I swear, out of nowhere, because I wasn't sitting oddly, I hadn't been doing funky stretches or anything, so just out of nowhere my hip hurt.

Like, actually sore to touch kind of hurt and it was hard to hobble to the kitchen and back and I was like what the actual eff is going on here?

So I got some, whatever you call it, pain relief cream and I rubbed that on (going "ow, ow" the whole time) and then I stuck my hot water bottle on the hip and knock on wood it's ok this morning?

But I'll be taking it easy on things just in case because if something somehow decided to be irritated or swollen or WHATEVER! I do want it to get to rest.

But geez... really?  Why???

(It'd be a lot easier if I could trace it to something, just saying!)

Bleargh

I'm loathe to admit it but next week is the last week of November, a month that I'm pretty sure has just started.... last week?

I saw someone the other day say that "at least the days start getting longer this week" and I didn't want to break their heart, but no, we're not at that point yet, although it is only a month away and this month flew by so, hey, who knows?

I also know I got thrown off by the long weekend, since the Monday was a holiday and the rest of that week was all wonky, and then this week I had a very stressful thing and now I'm all, what day is it? sort of feeling too.

In other news, our building management doesn't seem concerned by the break-ins and seems to feel it was a "one off".... which... I certainly hope so?

I realized a few other things that were in my "travel bag" that are now gone and I'm extra bummed about those too as I'd only just popped them in there "in case of emergency" (a folding knife and a fire starter kit).  I still think there should be a place where "bad guys" leave the things they don't want or don't want to sell so that people like me can get their grocery bags back and so on?  Please?

Like, I'm kind of ok with my GPS getting stolen because that makes sense to me... it's an electronic, but so many of the other things were really just grabbed and so I think they should come back.  Blah.

Anyway.  Just... filling blank internet space with words typed out by fingers who seem to know what they're doing unless I think too much about it and get weirded out like, hey, now!

Visible

I'm going to try to be more neutral about the onslaught of ALL THINGS CHRISTMAS this year.

It's been bothering me for a few years now, probably longer than "a few" if I'm honest, and the last chunk of years it's really really gotten to me.  I've probably talked about why, but it's been part of what makes this time of year generally not my favourite.

So I thought that this year I'd try to, if not ignore it, at least not engage with it.  Not in that negative "I wish it were different" way anyway.

There are things about what goes on at this time of year that I will look to enjoy and I hope that my attempts at "not hating" it all will give me a little more peace than the last few years.

Oh, Life

I often find myself thinking that when I try to sit down to write a post and then I inevitably start singing "Losing my Religion" by REM because, reasons.

Sigh.

I was going to say something about how my life isn't what I thought it would be, but I think I passed that notion a good decade or two back when I realized that being whatever age wasn't what I thought it would be like when I was a kid.  Twenty five, when I was a little one, seemed so very adult.  Married, children, house, all of that.  And, well, no.  (Perhaps for my parents' generation, but not for mine.)

And as I was sitting here mulling these random thoughts over in my head I found myself wondering if anyone really thinks "this is the life I thought I'd have"?  Or are we all a bit mystified by this, that, or the other?

Maybe there are folks for whom there life is very much what they'd expected or even hoped for. 

But I often suspect, of late, that many "adults" are sitting here going... what?

That could just be me... and the folks I talk to though...

Life Imitates Art (The Dream Version!)

Well, actually, what I mean is "Dreams Imitate Life" because that is exactly what happened the other "morning"!

Friday of last week, I had a hair cut appointment and it was at the end of a day where all the errands I'd run ended up being bunk.... as in, they didn't have whatever it was I was looking for kind of thing.  So I head to my hair cut place and.... it looks wrong?  As in, one of the signs is still there but the windows are covered up and the door is locked and... uh oh... I think she might have moved...

So I texted and called, knowing that she was likely not going to answer right away and I sat in my car fighting the urge to go home to cry (what, it happens!) and she got back to me with a "sorry!" and yes, she'd moved back to where she used to be, not all that far from where I was so it all worked out just fine.  Phew.

But I tell you this to set you up with background for the dream I had the next day!

See, the next day, I had an appointment to get my eyes dilated.  And that morning, I had a dream where I drove to a "medical" appointment with a "specialist" I'd not seen before, and in the dream I drove to where my actual dentist is, but it was closed and so I didn't know what to do to figure out where I was supposed to be.

It was a stressful dream of course but it was also funny because I woke up and was like "well that dream totally made sense!"  It combined what had actually happened (with the hairdresser moving and me not knowing where) and what was going to happen (a medical appointment that day) and poof!  Dream!

I just thought it was kind of funny to have a stress dream that was so clearly related to what was going on, vs some of them where I'm like... what?

Dang

Sometimes I'm not entirely sure why my anxiety seems to suddenly skyrocket.

I'll give you an example.

Last weekend, I contacted the local police department (via email) to ask them a few questions.  I was wondering about when to call 911 and if they had any other advice for making my area less appealing to... not so good people.

They got back to me that they were closed for the weekend but that someone would get in touch with me about Block Watch.

So I looked into Block Watch and it mentioned "block captains" and how they are the liaison and canvass other neighbours to see if they want to join and I had a panic attack.

Because I don't want to do that.  Now, even at the time there is at least a part of me that is aware that I don't HAVE to do that, that no one has asked me to, and that nothing *bad* will happen if I don't.  But it's like my body (mind?) have already spun out of control and I'm dealing with this intense anxiety and it feels horrible and I just don't want to be feeling like that.

Happily for me, these things are less intense than when I first started getting them and they pass in about an hour now (rather than two or more) and when they do pass I'm generally ok (I used to have to sleep for a while to recover).  So I do see progress.  It just still sucks when it happens.

Take Your Time Buddy!

The plus side of the horrible car sickness the other day was that at a certain point on the drive, while I was focussing on surviving Jason said "THERE'S A BEAR!"  And sure enough, there was a black bear just strolling across the road ahead.

I wanted to drive right up and, I dunno, see it?  Resist the urge to hug it?

I was surprised at how slowly (casually?) it was sauntering across the road, just like... do do do.... Jason said they only move fast when they have to or want to but I don't know why that struck me as so interesting.  Like I just kept saying "he just... strolled along like that!"

We also saw an eagle sitting sunning itself and I also heard a bird making a weird noise that I couldn't identify and when I went looking for it it was a chipmunk! so... nature is awesome (but that drive wasn't)

It's only the second time I've ever seen a bear in my life, which Jason thinks is surprising.  Both times it was similar... the bear up ahead crossing the road.  And, I suppose, in vaguely familiar parts of the Island.  It was cool though, although I would have loved to get closer, while knowing that that's not really realistic.

I've seen the photos from the guy who goes and sits at a certain river in salmon season to photograph the grizzlies and they just ignore him, and, well I don't think that's something I'm ready for, but I would have liked to have seen this black bear up close (or at least have had my glasses on, d'oh!)

Nature is cool, yo!

Private

Someone very dear to me has been told they have some cancer.

I don't even know how to talk about it.  They have cancer?  They have a part of them that grew cancer cells?  Like... it's a thing, and it's not ok, but they're also more than this and I hope they continue to be more than this but it's there and it's... cancer.

They're staying pretty private about it, so I'm not going to name them or anything but it's been a lot for me to process since they told me.

My feelings go in waves.  Fear, sadness, calm, acceptance, more fear and sadness.  All "normal" reactions I'm sure and I know so many people deal with this with family, friends and loved ones, and I know I've been incredibly lucky in my life that it's always been a step or two away from me and that this is the first one that hits so close.

And this person is telling me a few things and telling others even less and it's hard, because I want to talk about it.  I want to know all the things, all the details, all the information and things so that I can, I dunno... prepare myself?  Know what may be coming?

It is another adventure in being in the moment... no point in thinking ahead to what might be, what outcomes might happen, just... today.  And today this person is ok.  Just out of surgery.  Recovering from that. 

But, yeah.  This is a thing that's happening to someone very dear to me.  It changes things without changing anything.  And I wish it would just go away.  (I suppose that's my attempt at denial?)

So I may not talk about this much, to respect their privacy.  That's also hard for me because I want to share and cry and talk about it all.  But it's not my journey, it's not my illness or life, as much as this person is part of my life. 

I know we all know cancer sucks and all those things we say and I know everyone has opinions and things they want to say or share or talk about, but all I know right now is that this had better not take this person away from me.  Ever.

The Groggiest

I can't think of any other actual reason than the damn time change but I have been struggling with my mornings this last while.

During the "Summer", I would wake up fairly awake, if that makes sense.  As in, by the time I was like "oh, ok, wake up time" or my alarm went off I was alert and like, well ok!  But now?  Lately?  It's like I have to drag myself through soup, or mud, or something and I just can't seem to wake up.... un-groggy?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I am SO grateful for sleep.  Like, so.  I know how awful and upsetting it is when I'm not sleeping at all or getting those terrible half sleeps, so I'm incredibly grateful that I am sleeping and resting.

It's just weird that it feels like I'm suddenly taking hours to "wake up" when I was doing pretty well at it for ages and ages.

And really, as much as I whine about the time change it is the only major difference in my life in the last month... so....

Sigh.  Maybe if it is due to the time change and light change, maybe that will mean that soon I'll adjust to it and be able to wake up when I wake up.  You know?

But man oh man, this has sure been a groggy bunch of mornings.  Gah.

That Was.... Bad

Jason and I went for a drive up Island this weekend.  We haven't managed to get away in quite a while, so while the weather was still nice, we headed to somewhere a few hours away.

And, I'm afraid to say, I got extremely car sick.

Now, I've always gotten car/motion sick, ever since I was a kid, just ask my parents.  But since adulthood (honestly, since I was old enough to know) I've figured out ways to combat it, or at least manage it if it comes up.

There are some drives on this Island that are quite windy, and when you combine windy with treed (no "distance" to look into) it can be not a good combo.

But we've done this drive before and I was prepared with a bottle of 7Up (it helps settle things) and once we got through the main curvy part I thought I'd made it, just like most of the other times we've gone on that route.

But then, it got really bad.  Or, I did.  I can not honestly remember a time, certainly not with Jason, that I was ever that car sick.

When I was little, I'd get nauseated and then throw up and it was gross and no fun.  But this time it was just nausea and dizziness and just pure misery.  By the time we got near to our destination, I had been practically crying from it for nearly an hour and a half, and it was so bad that I couldn't even turn my head to the side to look out the window.  It was honestly pretty upsetting as I can't remember it ever having been that bad before, or certainly not in a long time.  I think the last time I was that upset during travel was when I had a stomach bug and had to fly home... that was miserable.  But this time, maybe because I wasn't expecting it?  It was really really awful.

We got to our destination and it took me a while to settle down and I just kept apologizing to Jason and saying that that was "really bad... wow".

I took a Gravol for the drive back, just in case, although I feel like I rarely get motion sick on the drive home, who knows why... but damn y'all, that was really really bad.

In retrospect, I maybe should have asked him if I could drive for a while, because I don't get motion sick when I'm driving.  Or maybe I should have taken a gravol when we had our first pee break, but I really did think I'd be fine as I've never dealt with anything like that on that drive before.

It's certainly going to make me rethink things if we decide to go that route again.... I have no idea why it was so bad this time, but I do not ever want to do that again.  (And I do not like taking gravol as I get kind of out of it/sleepy and it's not enjoyable either, but the lack of nausea is so....)


(Even just writing about it has made me queasy!)

Pause

Today we pause to remember the sacrifices made by those who fought in wars we wish they hadn't had to.

Lest we forget.

CRAWWWWWW CRAWWWWWWWW CRAWWWWWWW

I don't know if you've ever heard blue herons call but I'm on the flight path, or vaguely near the flight path of some and I've also seen them landing in their nests in Beacon Hill Park and I've heard them feeding their babies and, well, if I never believed in dinosaurs, herons would make me.

Seriously, they're graceful enough on land, but their giant wings trying to get them into their giant tree nest to flap flap feed the babies is dinosaur enough but then they "call" and it's like... yeah, that's what a dinosaur would sound like. 

Apathy

I've had an interesting learning experience with apathy these last couple of weeks.

See, three of us (that I know of) were hit by the car bad guy, and so we put up notices and talked to neighbours and to the building manager and, well, everyone just kind of shrugged.

As in no one seems to have put away the stuff they leave out behind their cars, and someone took down the notices and signs (I suspect the manager on that one).

I was talking to one of the burgled neighbours and we both noticed that the only ones who seem to really care are those of us who were directly affected, and so I guess I understand how people can be apathetic about things.

I mean, no one wants to get their car broken into, no one wants stuff stolen from them.  But just like me, until it's actually happened to you it's this sort of "well, ok, but I'm fine" sort of thing. 

Jason thinks I should get a baseball bat to walk myself from the car to the door since I told him I didn't feel safe getting home late the other night.  But to me that feels a little bit too.... I dunno... living in fear or something?  It's weird trying to find some sort of balance.  I'm sure eventually, assuming the guy stays away, that the fear and alertness will fade.  But yeah, it's interesting to notice who cares and who only sort of kind of cares.

Maybe a small life lesson there.

Huh?

My sleep got so messed up this weekend and I am not even sure I can fully blame the time change (gasp!)  But it's probably at fault anyway, right?  (ugh)

I somehow slept in til like 10:30 Saturday morning, which.. I haven't slept beyond say, 9am in... forever so that was a surprise.  But then I also had a couple of those "I'm sleeping but not really" nights but it was ok because it was on the weekend and then Sunday night was this weird thing where I lay there all happy that it was bedtime and I was just about to fall asleep and then I got chilly so got up to close a window and glanced at the clock and it was like 2am and how long had I been lying there "just about" to fall asleep OMG???

And then waking up Monday morning was the total time change confusion of ok it's really early, but no, it's not?  I will get up, it's normal time oh my lord why do I feel like I haven't slept when I know I did and ok why does the time change feel opposite right now or something I AM CONFUSED and can't I just go back to sleep?  But that's a Monday for you!

Sleep is so dang important.  (I don't know how new parents do it, really!)

Things

There is a lot going on for me right now but most of it is in the "do not talk about" area.

Like work stuff and more work stuff and other work-adjacent stuff.  And stuff going on for people close to me that they are not going public with so I can't either, and stuff to do with a committee I got on that literally involves an NDA so like... I HAS NOTHING!

Totally uninteresting (I think) but I bought a hygrometer for my place.

A hygrometer measures humidity.  I picked one up because I've been waking up with a super dry nose situation that led me to start thinking maybe my apartment was on the dry side, so I bought a thing and turns out it is.

It's not horrendously dry but it is on the dry side and so I'm seeing if I can do a few things to make it less so before I consider buying a humidifier.  I mean, I'm sure once the weather heads into the rainy season things will be less dry in general, but, we shall see.

So yeah... I gots nothing much I can talk about so, will see what unrelated blah blah I can come up with!

Just So You Know

Just so you know, in the very middle of the night when one has finally managed to fall asleep, the sound of firecrackers translate into "someone is opening a very large tarp"

So as I lay in bed last night, utterly exhausted and still almost asleep I figured the thief had come back, yet again, and was unwrapping a very large tarp to steal all sorts of things out of all our cars and to be honest?  I was far too tired to deal with it.  So I just lay there.  Not even having enough energy to roll over and check the time, I was just too tired.

And as I lay there going "well, there's nothing left of mine to steal out of the car anyway" I realized that it was probably firecrackers going off rather than a giant tarp and if it WAS a giant tarp hopefully someone else in the building got woken up too.  But probably firecrackers...

So I guess I went back to sleep?

Happy All Saint's Day (I think?) and hope you had a good Halloween and that I am not the only one a little confused as to how we got to be in November.