Ahhhh.... Ok

So laptop is back, yay!

But the replacement part as a separate, new issue that will need to be fixed, so I suppose I'll take it BACK in next week and, well.... le sigh.

Maybe it's just a quick fix of jiggling some wires, who knows, but yeah, kind of frustrating.

I mean, a fantastic, "I live a spoiled life" kind of problem to have, for sure. 

If you have a long weekend this weekend, I hope you enjoy it.  If you celebrate or have family time this weekend I hope you enjoy it.  If it's just a weekend for you, I hope you enjoy it! 

Happy long weekend, y'all, may you eat something yummy (I'd say chocolate but that's not everyone's thing!) and have happy days.

A Whole Night's Worth!

Sometimes I'm amazed at how much sleep it feels like I got during the nine minutes between me hitting snooze.

(Like, seriously, I swear I got an hour's worth this morning... in nine minutes!)

Clickitly Click Clack

Computer's going into the shop (again) for.... as long as it takes (because they won't even order the replacement part for the known issue until I drop it off, sigh) and so I do still have my old, unwell, limping along laptop but I may not be able to do much with it....

I can't remember if I mentioned it, but I've been leasing a new laptop since December or so, and this is the second time I will be taking it in for a "known issue" (sigh).  Warranties are great and all, but not having to use them in the first place is greater, no?

No Idea Why!

I have no idea why but I keep waking up in the mornings with like, soft 80s rock (don't know what else to call it?) ballads going through my head!

Today it's that one .... "why don't you staaaaay"... (We've Got Tonight?)

Yesterday it was the Eagles (I forget what but all sad like again).

Is my brain going through a breakup I don't know about?  Send ice cream I guess?

Often

A lot of the time these days I find myself not knowing.

Not knowing what to think.  Or how to think in a way that will be better for me... healthier for me.

I, like everyone else, have no real idea of what the future holds and I'm trying to find a balance between being realistic and being positive.

I often don't know how to handle something upsetting, especially if it involves someone else.

I write this without a specific purpose or intent.  I am gently suggesting to myself that it's ok to write differently... (or not at all.)

I am continuing to actively change.

It is continuing to be difficult.

Sometimes it feels like I don't know anything.  Or that the things I thought I knew I'm not so sure are knowable.

Or something.

And the other night, the skin on my hands looked like that of an "old" woman.

The physical signs of aging are sometimes hard to take.

The mental and emotional signs of aging are often invisible.

I grow, I change, I try, I tire.

I am yet to give up.  I'd rather not.

The coming of Spring does help, no?

That Jiggle

Just remembered that my brother had a water bed and at some point I inherited the water bed and now I can't think if I would still like it or be able to sleep on it and are waterbeds even still a thing?

Waiting...

So this is maybe a weird one, but I had a frustrating and stressful to me "problem" yesterday.

I had the day off (at home) and we got a notice over the weekend that they'd be coming to change our smoke alarm batteries, as they do from time to time (once a year I think?)

The notice said they'd be doing it somewhere between 8:30 and 4:30 so... even though I had the day off and hadn't slept all that soundly the night before I felt obliged to be up at the crack of 8.   And then I spent all morning thinking maybe they were coming so I shouldn't jump in the shower or whatever else.

I think this is probably in large part something I can put down to "anxiety" stuff but it is also a little frustrating to have such a wide range of time when someone MIGHT be showing up.

New And Improved

So a while ago they put in new windows for our building.  We were all a bit sad to hear they were doing this as it's an older building and the windows had that "olden" appeal. 

I was nervous of the new windows going in but y'all?  They are SO AWESOME!!!

It's delightful to hear my neighbours talking to each other about the awesome new windows and we all say the same thing "aren't they wonderful?!"

Because, yes, they are.  They reduce outside noise greatly.  They will, I'm sure, mean better heat protection or whatever the proper term is for it'll be warmer when it's cold and cooler when it's hot.  They lift with the touch of a finger, rather than occasionally needing to be yanked on with all your strength, or not opening at all if overly wet or something (they were wood, and very very thin single paned.)  And, most exciting to me?  They come with build in, fitted bug screens!  EEEEEEE!

I mean, I had bought (and kept) old bug screens but they didn't completely fit and bugs were always getting in.  Maybe bugs will still get in in other ways but damn, these screens are so wonderful!

As if it wasn't enough to suddenly have a window that opens like a breeze, that has bug screen fittted completely perfectly, has double panes and, well, just really really works, I just learned something else wonderful about them this weekend.

So there was a big windstorm Saturday morning and Jason mentioned it to me in a text when I was awake.  "Wow, did you hear that wind?" And I said back to him that no, I hadn't... I guess I'd slept through it?

Which seemed odd to me as I'd actually woken up around 6:30 (to pee!) and then gone back to bed and that's when he said the wind was super noisy so I was wondering how I'd managed to fall so completely back asleep.

And then it hit me. 

The windows didn't rattle!  OMG THE WINDOWS DIDN'T RATTLE!

See, the old windows would rattle when you opened and shut them, but they would also rattle at any wind, most especially strong wind.  I would often have to get up and completely close my windows when a wind storm got strong enough to just make it impossible to sleep through.  I also had a couple of the store bought, ill fitting bug screens that would also rattle so I had thumb tacks positioned to try to stop that rattling on top of the window rattling.  So to have not even noticed a wind storm was something of a miracle!

I'm sure that I will notice wind storms and weather and all sorts of things but what a nice thing to not notice.... lovely to have a super functional modern window... even if it takes away a little bit of character. 

The Stretch

This next few months is my busy birthday month(s)!  I have at least three that I can think of offhand in the next week alone, then at least two next month and then it's birthday AND wedding anniversary season and, well, I will now rant about how expensive store bought cards are these days and how "back in my day" no but really... sorry but my cards are now either hand made or from the dollar store, cheesy as that may be!

Is this a busy time of year for celebrations for you too or is that just my family and friends?

Woah

I just had the most upsetting dream that for all intents and purposes shouldn't have been...

The people in the dream are likely just placeholders for the underlying feelings but they were both people I know.  One, the "cutest guy ever" that was the first person I ever spoke to at Burning Man, and the other my friend that I went to Burning Man with my first year (and had a lot of frustration with.)

So some details are fuzzy but I was driving the cute guy's car (like borrowed?) and we were visiting him at work (bar) and then back to his place after work, and I feel like he and I were totally hitting it off and that some smooching might happen and I was wandering around his place and I think I caught him coming out of the shower (giggle!) and then next thing I knew he and my "friend" were getting into bed together and they said it was just that they are friends who platonically sleep together (as in no sex) but I was devastated because I really thought he and I were going to... you know, smooch and stuff. 

And I was, I guess, showing my disappointment and hurt and she and he were shrugging it off which was somehow worse and then he said that I could always go tidy his car to make it how I like it to be for driving and I know this dream doesn't seem all that upsetting but it was one of those dreams that have that awful feeling attached to it and you wake up so so upset. 

Not sure there's too too much to analyze here but I really do hope I can shake off this feeling because wow, what an awful way to start the day...

The Second

Did we all survive April Fool's Day? 

I'm not sure I can say it's ever been a day I enjoy.  I think my parents probably got me with a prank or two when I was a kid, usually because I forgot what day it was, or didn't know and they'd wake me in the morning with something harmless and then I'd realize it later.  No big deal.  But honestly I don't enjoy pranks or tricks or teasing and the day, as I got older, became quite stressful.  So I'm glad it's, yet again over.  Phew!

I had a nice weekend this weekend.  Got out and about a lot.  It was beautifully sunny and warm but not overly so.  The air is fresh and clean right now and we really are fully into Spring.  Blossoms about, birds doing bird things, all that good stuff.

I saw various awesome animals this weekend.  Some otter-seal-sea lion types, lots of birds including a raptor I can't quite identify that flew RIGHT overhead super low (it was amazing) and my first time seeing elk!

Currently finding the balance between sunscreen and hat and still managed to get too much sun apparently (maybe through the windscreen of the car, no seriously!)

It's the second of April now.  March was good.  Which is weird to say as it had some very difficult moments, but maybe it is just having the longer days and the brighter light that helps things feel a bit easier.  And I don't want to jinx anything by typing this, but getting some sleep in makes a world of difference too.  (Seriously.)

So here's to April and Spring and hopefully a fresh air bonanza these coming months. 

A Polite Reminder

Don't believe anything (much) you read on the internet this morning!

And Happy April.

Double Um?

So... how is it possible that I have cousins who have grandkids?

I mean, I can understand how logically it's possible... my parents have older siblings, they have kids who are older than I am, my cousins live in Scotland so I've not seen them in decades and so on and so forth but still... you what now?



Oh and in other news I've already killed four ants, they showed up earlier this month when we had our hot day (I figured they would)  My hope is I've killed the "scout" ants (that's a thing right?) and after a while they'll stop sending any my way and I can live ant free?  Yes?  Please?

So, Um...

This is almost funny.  Or, I suppose I should say I'm finding this funny!

I'm pretty run down and exhausted so took today off to just rest.

Well, turns out they're doing some construction stuff in the apartment below me and y'all?  I couldn't sleep through it if I tried!

Like, I heard them unloading so wasn't able to sleep in sleep in so am up on the couch under my blanket and thought I'd sneak in a nap but I think they're murdering a drill down there or something and, well, no rest for me!  (Seriously, it's like the loudest dental drill noise plus a dying dial up noise I can't even!)

I mean I'm still going to lie on my couch under my blanket but just, I'll be awake doing it.  Heh.

This Sucks

I'm currently researching air purifiers/filters in anticipation of another smokey "Summer" season and I really don't want to believe that this is how life is now.

(Also, everyone seems to love their Dyson but I just don't feel like I have the money...!)