Saturday 16 March 2024

Ever So Slightly Early Or Right On Time

We've hit our first warm days of the year moments before Spring officially arrives.

Today is the second day I have wondered about turning my radiator completely off rather than just having it turned down as it is right now.

Today is the first day I switched from my fuzzy/warm relaxing pants to cooler relaxing pants.

Today is a warm warm day, temperature wise and a beautiful day weather/sunshine wise.

I'm heading out of town for a bit and won't have access to the internet and I haven't yet prepared a bunch of posts so it may be one of those blank weeks that happen from time to time.

So happy Spring (almost) and happy weekend and talk soon.

Thursday 14 March 2024

Only Awkward For Me I'm Sure

There is a herbal spray that I accidentally found out helps keeping my digestive system... um.... going in a way that is better for me even though that is not the intention of the spray.

So I use it not for its intended purposes (which is apparently relaxation/stress reduction) but for other reasons that I don't really talk about!

One of the places I buy this spray has a cashier who is very friendly and out of the blue as I was buying this spray and other things he picked it up and asked "what is this for?"

Well, I mean I HOPE I didn't blush because I know what *I* use it for and I managed to say that it is supposed to help with sleep (or relaxation) because I didn't really know what to say?  "It's a herbal spray that probably is just placebo but I accidentally took too much once and discovered it helps my poop situation so that's why I buy it!"  (ahem)

But yeah, I'm reminding myself it was just a curious/innocent question of someone who'd likely never encountered that product before (the cashier is from another country and fairly new to Canada) and it's only me that felt embarrassed by the truth.

Wednesday 13 March 2024

Time Change

Yeah.  That.

I tried to ease in to it.  Went to bed a little earlier all the days before (four or five days before I mean) and ate earlier and didn't sleep in.

And it's still seriously f*cking with me.

Sigh.

I think it's always the SUDDEN shift in light... times and waking up an hour earlier is NOT something my body has ever handled.  Not ever.  Not going on holidays and needing to get up early for a flight.  Not running a 10K and having to get up early for a start time.  Waking up earlier than my body is used to really really really messes with me and my body in ways I don't want to get in to.  It's not pretty.  Plus even with an alarm set on that first work night of the time change I kept waking up and checking the clock to see what time it was.  So yeah thanks for the no sleep stupid time change!

But anyway.... here's hoping it's not the worst transition.  Even though I swear I was just getting used to the last time change.

Sigh.


(And yes, I got into the car Sunday for an errand and wondered why I was had left so early and it actually took me a little bit of driving and wondering before I remembered I had to move my car clock forward an hour!)

Tuesday 12 March 2024

This "Winter"

I SWEAR I've babbled about this before y'all, but I just scrolled back through a few weeks worth of posts and didn't see anything so here we are... maybe "again".

So we had a relatively mild Winter this year (yes, I know it's still Winter for another week-ish, I just feel safe talking about Winter in the past tense now!) despite a couple of quite cold snaps.

The last two weeks have been technically not that cold (temperature wise) but I have been FREEZING at night.

Like SO cold.  Like close the blinds and windows and get out the Winter blankets you didn't use AT ALL this year kind of cold.

It's... a little odd.

It feels so much colder this last month than it has all Winter (except for the cold snaps!) and I can't quite figure it out.

It's probably a combo of things.... I have turned my main radiator down and I haven't been using my bedroom one (which I did in the cold cold).  And probably something to do with the moisture in the air in some science way I can't explain.

All I know is I have been colder at night in the last few weeks than I was all the rest of Winter and that's kind of funny (as the temps have been higher!)

And while we're here, let me just say I'm not wanting to rush Winter away or to rush through Spring.  I'm good with the cooler temps (and trying not to despair about what Summer might bring.)

 (Oh and?  Sunday night I was SO warm I had both windows open!)

Monday 11 March 2024

Swiftly

I doubt it's a one hundred percent of the world wide sort of situation but I'd imagine it's pretty darn close to that.... the musical artist (singer) Taylor Swift is seemingly EVERYWHERE right now and it's an interesting phenomenon to be witnessing.

I'm fairly neutral about the whole thing.  I'm sure I have heard her songs over the years and I've certainly heard of her for years.  I watched a documentary about her that gave me pretty specific feelings about how I see her (and I keep those to myself) and while I'm not particularly a fan, I'm also not a... what would they say, a hater?

I guess I'm neutral about her music and I'm bemused by the range of folks who like her stuff (it's really quite a range... from current teen girls to honest to God middle aged men and all sorts in between, it's neat!) and I'm happy enough for something positive to be a focus for so many.  (And I think the whole thing with her current boyfriend and the whole Super Bowl football things and Dads and daughters bonding over that is lovely.)

One of my darling nieces is a huge "Swifty" and has managed to score tickets for a couple of concerts, although not the one most local.  She has also chosen to go to an overseas show and I am SO incredibly excited and happy for her to have that experience!  I'm totally supportive of enjoying and loving an artist and the experience of a grand concert.  

The whole thing confuses my parents, which is also sweet.  My Mom, when she found out my niece is going to see Ms. Swift for what will be the third (I think?) time said "but she's seen her already!?"

I didn't bother to point out that that's what we do.  I mean I've seen Xavier Rudd I don't even know how many times?  7?  10?  Same for the Tragically Hip.  And there are bands I *wish* I'd seen and would have seen more than once had I had the chance (Pink Floyd original, and Led Zeppelin.). I've seen multiple artists more than once, and so it's cute to me that my Mom hasn't had that experience and so wouldn't understand it.  (I'm not sure they've actually gone to a traditional concert to be fair, although they have gone to "shows"... like I think they saw so and so at Vegas or something like that?)

But I digress.

I was musing to myself about this current T. Swift phenomenon and I wondered if it was something like the Beatles or Elvis was in their day.  Which made me realize that not everyone would have liked the Beatles.  People probably thought similarly about them as many do about Taylor Swift.  People probably didn't all like their music, thought they were... detrimental to society (especially with all that drug reference type stuff and the hippie movement etc.). Maybe many actually found the whole thing annoying, I don't know, it was before my time and I happen to think they're great!  (This has reminded me that my Mom told me when she was a nursing student she got in trouble for having a Beatles poster up in her room/dorm as they were thought to be "too radical" with their "long hair"!  Oh and there was the whole "Elvis the Pelvis" thing, and we've not even gotten to the rest of the well known acts of those days or even later years!)

When then also got me to thinking about what those "big" artists "back in the day" would have been like had social media been around and man that was a nasty thought.

Now I'm not saying T.S. is the only large/massive artist right now, it just seems that she's a LOT right now and it's an interesting thing to be observing and it makes me wonder how "big social phenomenon" in the past felt compared to this, what with media being entirely different and mainly digital.  It'd be neat to talk to someone who was around in the heyday of Beatlemania and see if they feel any similarities.  You know what I mean jellybean?

Saturday 9 March 2024

Not Camping

Jason has told me he doesn't feel up to going camping this year so for the first time in a few years we're not doing Spring/Late Winter camping.  

I'm kind of ok with that as it has super stressed me out in the past but I'm also a little bummed.  He's suggested we rent some kind of cabin thing as he figures it might come close to the amount we spend on camping what with using up tons of firewood due to the brrrrrr cold of this time of year, so that'll be different.

But yeah, may not be camping at all this year as I haven't gone Summer/warm camping in decades but never say never I guess.

(And, yes, I know I still have to recap the last two camping trips... the notes sit next to me when I'm on my couch so it's kind of hard to forget.  Maybe if we do go on a trip that has electricity I'll write as we're there!?  Who knows. 

Friday 8 March 2024

I Did Not Like That!

Taylor Jenkins Reid is an author who wrote a book called "Daisy Jones and the Six" that was turned into a series I really enjoyed watching.  It was a story about a band and I'll leave it there in case you are going to watch or read it.

I think I watched the show first and then read the book and then watched the show again! (ha)

(If you've been around long enough you've probably heard me mention how much I enjoy watching/reading book-tv/movie interpretations and seeing what got changed or left out or what have you.

So I liked the easy feel of the book well enough that I tried another book by the same author about a tennis star who came out of retirement.

It was an ok enough read but then I was near the far end of the book when the main character mentioned taking a rest and reading this book "Daisy Jones and the Six" and I got mad.

That little self referential thing took me right out of the story and into the reality of "you are reading a book that is written by an author who is now referencing her own characters and book" and that just.... didn't sit well for me.

I thought about it non stop for the next few pages and even the next night kept getting annoyed.

I'm not sure if it was supposed to be funny or an in-joke or what but I can't remember being this mad/annoyed/irritated at an author before but I also can't remember an author referencing a book they wrote being read by a character in a book they wrote.  IT REALLY IRKED ME!!!!

So, yeah, that kind of ruined the rest of the book for me but I finished it anyway as I was pretty near the end and I'll probably try another book by the author (as they're a light read) but if she does that ever again I will probably throw the book across the room and that's not something I'd ever think I'd do!

But the series was great and hopefully that didn't get ruined by this arglebargle (angry noise)!

Thursday 7 March 2024

We're All Just Walking Each Other Home

When it feels safe and comfortable to do so (because in all honestly there are times it does not) I will make eye contact with and say hello to someone who is "pan-handling" or asking for money along my walks.  They're quite often outside of one of the stores I go into sometimes and I'll often give them a nod or a short greeting.  They're humans after all, and often ignored or treated unkindly.

No one wants to be invisible all day every day.  Or I suppose in reality some of us do, but my point is more to those living in difficult circumstances... I always wonder if they feel no one likes them or if everyone is judging them as a "junkie" or "bum" or other derogatorily negative term.

So the other day I was walking into the store and passed a fellow who seemed vaguely within my age range (many of these folks tend to appear older than I am) and as I was slowing to get out my mask I asked him how his day was going.  "Not great," he replied.  I paused, at a slight distance and said "oh?"... an invitation to tell me more.  He told me that his wallet had been stolen and he had had eighty bucks in it and so now he had to "do this until next month".  I felt awful for him.  $80 is a non insignificant amount of money for me to lose and I have a job and decent income.  I'd be upset if $80 of mine just disappeared.  But for someone on what I assume is a lower or fixed income like this fellow?  That would be a really huge loss.  And if *I* lost $80 it would just mean maybe going into my line of credit or spending less on something or just being upset, but for him?  It means having to ask strangers for money on a sidewalk for (at the time) two and a half weeks to get by.

And no, I don't know if he was lying, I don't believe he was, and no I of course don't know what he might be planning on using that money for but you don't know what I'd be using $80 for either.  To judge and assume he'd be spending it on drugs or other things that have a negative social connotation is not fair to either him or to me, really.  I present well, but do you know what my difficulties really are?  At a glance?  (I mean you all kind of do because you're here, but on the outside, you wouldn't.)

I had no money to give him, and if I had, I'm not sure it would have been wise to do so.  I mentioned it to a friend who has worked in social services for the unhoused and he said that unfortunately if I'd gotten the guy's name (a plan I told him I'd considered) and gone in to a supportive community and asked for this $80 to be given directly to him the care/case worker would have had to report it as income and that would have come off of his next cheque.  So even my idea of a good deed (had I had the money to spare) wouldn't have helped long term.

But back to my point.  

I told him that that sucked and I was really sorry and after I'd said this he asked me how MY day was going?  I was fairly honest and said "meh....it's ok" and shook my hand in that  "middle ground" kind of way and he said "five out of ten?" and I said yeah.  "I hope your day gets better." he said and I wished him the same and walked off into the store.

This one little interaction really felt like a reminder to me that we're all just humans and we ALL have our shit.  I have NO idea what that guy was going through.  Not just with the lost money, but with his internal thoughts.  I was walking along with so much running through my head about my stresses and my upsets and I'd bet he's got just as much going on and on top of that he has to ask people for money.

Damn.

I judge.  I'm not saying I do.  I have my stereotypical ideas about those I see in various stages of "not ok" around town.  But I fight against those thoughts.  And this two minute exchange with a guy pretty near my age and not too run down looking really made me think about the idea we're all fighting battles in our heads and minds and hearts and souls and we're all just fucking humans.

It's hard out here man.  My version of hard isn't superior to anyone else's just because I have a roof over my head and a job I go to. 

We're all just human.  We've all got inner lives and pain and difficulty and goals and self.

It's March now, so I hope that dude made it through to his next check without too much extra upset and maybe me chatting to him was an ok moment in the rest of his day.  Maybe it meant nothing.  Maybe it annoyed him, I have no way of knowing, but for me that chat had impact and I'll not quickly forget it.

Wednesday 6 March 2024

Cuts Like A Knife (But It Doesn't Feel So Right)

I was moving some things at work yesterday and as I put them down (or was I lifting them up?) the edge of one of the items SLICED into that crook of skin between my thumb and first finger in the nastiest paper cut I have had in a while.

I mean paper cuts are always ouchie but this one actually bled (ermagherd) and yes I got it covered up right away but do you know how often you stretch that part of your hand?  Well I can tell you it's quite a lot, even on your non dominant hand!

I'll keep a bandaid on it to keep it clean while it heals (it's quite deep and wide...gah) but also to hopefully keep the skin together when I do use that hand so that it's not... you know, constantly pulling part.  D'oh.   Oh and?  Since the bandaid has to go down into my palm to keep the wound covered and you use your palm and your palm sweats, even if just a little the bandaid will eventually stop sticking and then you have to deal with that as well!

Anyway.  Yeah, that was a doozie and it's going to be here I while I figure!  So weird that the edge of paper (or cardboard or stock paper which is what I think this might have been?) can be so nasty, eh?


Tuesday 5 March 2024

Mixed

We had an evening of mixed precipitation here and it's not something unusual for March even though it seems like every year people forget that fact and get all wigged out!

I still remember within my first 5 years over here (from the mainland to the island I mean) having Easter decorations up and it snowing, so I've got that memory seared into my brain and March snow doesn't weird me out!

However, it does make for pretty damn slippery surfaces so that's a thing that people should get wigged out about, you know? 

And it's still *TECHNICALLY* Winter for a few more weeks anyway even if temps appear mild (but feel cold!) and blossoms and early blooms are out.

Monday 4 March 2024

The Power and Magic That Words Can Hold

I was thinking on that post the other day where I mentioned my life not being a written tv/movie/show/book and it occurred to me to maybe sort of try interpreting things that way to see how my life might appear to the outsider (and myself) if I "turned" it into something crafted and curated.

So instead of "I got a new book at the library" here's a "writing for effect but only positively!" version of that I thought up!

 ....

Victoria had timed it perfectly.

The book she'd put on hold was ready for pick up at the library the morning after she finished the last book she was reading - a feat she'd managed to pull off this perfectly handful of times before.  A feat that always felt like magic.

Throwing on her coziest, warmest, most weather proof jacket for the last of the Winter chill she set off at a brisk pace in the brisk air feeling the breeze cooling her cheeks and blowing her hair back from her face, chilling her ears.  She laughed to herself wondering how many times she could use the word "brisk" in a sentence!

As she made her way down the sidewalks, she exchanged friendly hellos with others on their own missions, catching the eye of a shy older lady who seemed lit up by the attention.  The music in her ears made her steps a little jauntier and by the time she got back home, wind blown and rosy cheeked from the cold, new book in hand and old book carefully returned, she felt her day was just about perfect and her body thrummed happily from the fresh air and exercise.

 

..... I might try this exercise (writing exercise) a bit more so if you ever see me referring to myself in the third person here going forward you can see that's what I'm doing. 


Saturday 2 March 2024

Wow. That Came Out Of Nowhere

I can recognize that my dreams (the ones I remember) are often taken in part from a show I'm watching.

Like over the weekend I finished a show that was essentially a romance (with some sex scenes included) and so my brain gave me a romantic dream on Sunday morning.

Except the person my brain pulled out for this dream was quite surprising to me.  As was the fact that this dream was so good and nice and lovely feeling that I tried to stay asleep and "go back" into the dream once I started waking up.

But yeah, my brain chose one of my high school boyfriends to put into this dream and we met up randomly and it was just amazing and what a wonderful, heartfelt, sweet connection and I have no idea why him although he was quite lovely I suppose?

Brains are weird and interesting and I would love to have lots more happy feeling dreams please and thank you!

Friday 1 March 2024

Welcome To March, Eh? (Post Unrelated to Title!)

I was watching a show the other day and thinking about how doing so really impacts my mental well being.

I watch a LOT of shows.  It's a coping thing for me.  I can "get away" from things I want to avoid feeling (usually) or that are stressing me out or I can relax or zone out or all manner of things.  It also keeps me awake as I've found that when I try to read a book during the day it'll often turn into me feeling really really sleepy and wanting to nap.  

But I don't *just* watch a show.  I watch a show while also playing on my phone and from time to time stopping (pausing) the show to check social media sites on my laptop.  I'm multi-tasking and have totally destroyed my attention span (or so it feels.)

So so much of my life this last chunk of years has been doing the same thing, which when I think too much on it feels like a waste of a life (and then I spin out anxiety wise about that.) which is not great, but the thing I was thinking about the other day was how immersing myself in these shows is making me feel worse about myself.

Because I'm watching shows thinking how interesting these people are.  Or how brave, or talented, or whatever.  And I think my simple brain (the simple part of my brain, I'm not calling myself simple!) thinks that this is how *I* should be/act/behave/talk/think/love.

But... but, you guys?  They're written.  They're scripts.  They're characters who have been MADE to be interesting/smart/cool/whatever.  And even a "reality" type show is edited and they're made to come across a certain way.  I found myself thinking I wish I could see a show of myself to see how people would interpret me.  You know how if you ever watch a "reality" type show you think certain things about the person?  Like I was watching a home building show and thinking how the couple are really great together and they "fight" so well and then I was like "who knows how they fight when the cameras aren't there."  Maybe the show shows full total reality but maybe it doesn't.  So even "reality" tv (yes, I keep putting it in brackets for a reason!) isn't right.  Like there's a show I watch where the participants are alone (it's uh... literally called Alone ha!) and so they film themselves basically all day every day for as long as they're out there.  Jason got me a book by someone who'd been on the show (it was a great book) and she talked about how the filming would sometimes hold her back from what she needed to do but the point is not about the filming it's about the fact that on the show they'll show you months of time (well weeks and weeks anyway) in an hour a week for like 10 weeks.  That's HOURS of footage that they chunk down and down and down and show you moments at a time.  Curated moments.  Moments that lead you to feel a certain way about someone.  So even that show that is filmed by each individual, what is shown is carefully chosen.  Reading the book really pointed that out as I re-watched the season this lady was on and saw SO little of what she actually talked about in the book, it was fascinating.

So I was thinking about how I watch these shows, some good, some great, some reality and some guilty pleasure and I feel crappy about myself due to subconsciously comparing myself and my life and my relationships and choices and thoughts to those lives I see on my laptop screen.  Those NOT REAL lives.

I know people talk about "don't compare yourself to people on social media" "those are highlights, not real life" but I know I do.  And now I'm thinking about the fact that I do that with tv shows too.  Those people are interesting because someone made them be interesting.  Those people have wonderful lives because they are either in a tv show that someone wrote or they are being scripted to do things to get filmed.  Even docu-style series are edited.  

And let's be honest, if I did somehow manage to watch a show about myself and they edited me kindly (aka didn't show the hours of doing not much at all on my couch) I'd probably just rip apart how I looked or sounded or moved anyway cuz UGH I am like that and I know it.  

And really, I have no idea how others perceive me anyway.  And double plus - some characters or people I really like others do not so it's all just WHATEVER anyway, you know?

Thursday 29 February 2024

Twenty NINTH!

It's a leap year!  A leap day!  I don't know what that means but yay!  A special "only every few years" magical day we get to have, hurrah!

(And a whole lot of people get to celebrate their actual day of birth for a change I bet!)

Wednesday 28 February 2024

Perfection-Isn't

I struggle with perfectionism.  

I won't get into it here and will oversimplify by saying that for me, it shows up as "If I can't do it really really well (aka perfectly) I won't do it at all" and "everything I do sucks" and other really unhelpful things that stop me from existing in ways I'd like to.

I can't say when this started or when it started to really manifest as an issue/problem but it's one of the reasons I started avoiding New Year's Resolutions a number of years ago.

My issue with myself and resolutions is the all or nothing factor.  I will do X, Y or Z EVERY DAY or ELSE and then, well, you just usually at some point end up missing a day and then it's ALL over and you may as well GIVE UP ENTIRELY.

Now that's not to say there aren't things I've set myself out as "do every day" things and I don't mean the self care/cleaning type ones that are more habits than anything, I mean like "get at least 20 minutes of exercise every day even if it's "just" walking around the apartment or walking on the spot in the kitchen".  I've been doing that for years and a couple of years ago (?) bumped it up to 40 minutes a day minimum.  I also step right outside of my apartment every day - maybe just to take out trash or recycling, but that's another every day thing I had myself do.  But I've learned not to set myself goals that will hamper me.  Like I try to get to the gym once a week (rather than every day).  But I also give myself grace.  Like when I was sick I didn't go to the gym so as not to potentially infect anyone.  So even just existing a way I'd like to is hard for me without having to add the pressure of I AM GOING TO DO THIS EVERY DAY STARTING ON JANUARY FIRST OR ELSE I SUCK!

So I set intentions for the year or I think about how I'd like to change in the year, what I'd like to focus on.  Like this year I have the intention of making things more about me as I head towards my next decade and that "middle age" marker of 50.

Not "become totally selfish and self centred" about me, but worrying less about others kind of way (honestly, even worrying less about Jason).  Putting my wants, needs and desires at the forefront instead of people pleasing guessing at what everyone else might want.  Spending the year pushing myself to see what *I* want, what pleases me, and being ok with the idea of making others unhappy or upset.  (Which happens anyway so why not make myself happier in the process.)

It was hard dealing with being sick although it did focus my energy on me and getting better, I wasn't much able to do anything other than try to get better and rest, so I'm reminding myself that for this year of twenty twenty four I want to continue to make positive changes for myself and my life and to set myself up for healthy patterns and habits and to try to focus more on me than on others but like in a way that makes sense for me and doesn't translate well as I'm typing it out.  

All this to say... New Years' Resolutions can be absolutely triggering for folks and most are still dealing with the holidays and difficult times and so trying to reach a newly set goal all damn day is really not that helpful.  In my view anyway.

Tuesday 27 February 2024

An Ever So Slightly Belated Christmas Dinner Story

So yeah, in part because we had our Christmas dinner here (at my place, and belated because of reasons), I felt like I should participate in the preparation of said dinner (we'd already bought the food, Jason just brought over whatever else we might need or might not have at my place) and then once I got going it just sort of seemed logical for me to keep going and so Jason got to like supervise but also relax and not have to do the work.  It was a lot (of course!) and I got hot (duh) and it's both of note and interesting to me that my Hydro (electrical) bill was like triple the norm on that day what with the oven going and all the lights on and stereo going (but probably mainly the oven).  I said to Jason after that if I had been in this type of role in a household (say married with kids) I would have gotten really resentful but that's not the point.  Jason and I had a conversation later where he kept saying how proud he was of me for cooking the dinner.  I said sure, I did it but I didn't REALLY do it.  Like, I didn't make the recipes.  I didn't choose what we were doing to eat or the ingredients to go in it.  I didn't make any of it up myself and I just did what someone told me to do.  So yes, I TECHNICALLY did the cooking but I didn't really make the meal, in my mind anyway.

Maybe I did the difficult part, the tiring part but I didn't do the whole thing on my own, and had he not been there telling me what to do (and sometimes how to do that) things would not have gotten done.

And I know it seems like I'm putting myself down and maybe I am and yes I'm trying to change that but it wasn't a full turkey (it was a breast), and it was only potatoes and turnip and gravy so not even stuffing or cranberry (we never do) anyway so I mean I get that it was special for him to have someone cook for him and maybe that's what matters the most but I don't feel like I can say I cooked a complete Christmas dinner, you know?

If you've known me though, you know this was quite a big deal no matter what we call it.  I don't cook.  I can, but I don't.  I don't like it, I don't enjoy it, so I don't.  But after doing this with Jason's guidance I realize it's something I wouldn't mind working on and improving.  

So for my January birthday, Jason bought me some really good cooking utensils (which I told him, ordinarily is NOT a good gift to get a woman/spouse/wife/girlfriend but we'd make the exception this time as he was legit trying to set me up for success and ease in my new learning!) and I bought a cast iron pan (I've used one before but always been intimidated by the cleaning of them for some reason) and while I haven't really cooked any meals since Christmas, I have cooked more things than in the last chunk of years and so here's to trying to new things and pushing comfort zones and getting better at things you might ordinarily avoid.

Monday 26 February 2024

Monday Monday

I had made myself a note to talk about New Year's and perfectionism but then getting sick really knocked me back for weeks and weeks and now it feels a little weird to want to talk about January... here at the end of February!

I also had a note to talk about the fact I did the cooking of the Christmas dinner this year but that also is like a couple of months ago so oops?

Maybe I'll just babble a bit about both things this week though anyway.  Cuz then the sticky note with those ideas on them can get recycled you know?

But hey, look at me, trying to blog, eh?  WELL DONE ME!  Have a good Monday y'all!

Thursday 22 February 2024

The Remains

I'm still not 100% body wise.

I'll have days where I'm just exhausted with that "fighting off a sickness" kind of exhaustion and my nose is still needing some help with the stuff and although the coughing is getting less, I'm also taking my doctor's advice and using allergy pills to "dry that up" so who really knows what's going on there and I'm using the neti pot morning and night too so like yeah, I'm not sick anymore but I'm also not fully recovered and maybe even not fully well?

And I know it's not "just" allergies as there are signs I won't bother mentioning in detail that suggest my body is fighting stuff off (think through the neti pot situation and put two and two together....) it's minor but it's enough to tell me it's not just allergies (which I have dealt with now for a few years without any formal diagnosis.)

Still TONS of stuff going around out there, at least here (as opposed to wherever you might live my friend) and lots of people sick or close to sick or fighting something.

A friend talked to a friend of hers who works in a hospital (not sure in what capacity) and they said they are calling this the "hundred day cold" and that it could include strep (yay me!) and/or pink eye and/or pneumonia and like hey, let's not forget Covid's still hanging about!

C-Dawg's been under the weather, Jason is fighting something and I'm sick-ish but not.  It's gotta be at least a month now since I got sick, right?  (I could go searching about that but meh, that feels like too much effort for right now!) Hopefully I'll continue to get better and all that jazz.

Stay well as best you can eh?

Wednesday 21 February 2024

Why Though?

I've maybe talked about this before but why are night time bed sleeps so different from daytime couch nap sleeps? 

Like I try not to nap much these days as it can mess up my night time sleeps but when I do nap I just like, put stuff down and roll over and think "I'm going to take a nap" and I'm out.  Honk zzzzz honk zzzz a SLEEP.

But a lot of times in bed at night?  I'm tired, I am SO ready for sleep and I put down my book and think "I'm going to sleep now" and I turn out the nights and I roll over and nothing.  The sleep just doesn't.

Is there some way I can trick myself into thinking it's just a nap and then sleep all damn night?  Like WHAT is the deal with this?  Why can't I fall asleep at night in bed the same way I can do for a nap during the day.

Does the brain really just "know" stuff?  Is it a cyclical thing?  Hormones?  Circadian?  Light?  WHYYYY YOU BE LIKE THIS?  (Is this just me?)

Tuesday 20 February 2024

Looooooooong Weekend

I spent much of this long weekend helping Jason move stuff around at his place.  Long story short he's fixing up the room that used to be his bedroom that was lost to the flood of whenever that was ... the atmospheric river a couple of years ago? to make a space for himself but there's lots to do and lots to be moved around and sorted.  I'm happy enough to help but it means my weekend was busy instead of loungy relaxingy and now here we are back at work and yeah I totally didn't blog.

But here I am at least trying to put some words to paper!  (er... some digital ones and zeros to.... UI? I dunno!)

I did also technically see family on Family Day (the holiday we got on Monday - a fairly new holiday for us and one I know I'm grateful for) and I found myself saying things to my youngest niece (a teen now... sob!) that I really should say to myself and accept.  Essentially I lovingly reminded her not to be mean to herself and OMG hello could I like lead by example PLEASE?  (sigh)

I'll do my best to type out some more random thoughts but just to at least pop in and say hi and that I'm ok, ok?