End Of An Era

Y'all, I am super sad that I have just learned that my favourite, best crackers have become no more.

I've been a fan of Stoned Wheat Thins for ages.  And of late they've become kind of a staple, rescue for me.  Yes, even with the gluten.  (My body seems to have decided not to have the markers of Celiac anymore and so I can eat SOME gluten but not too much.)

Several months ago I wasn't able to find them in my main store but didn't think much of it as we've had weird supply chain issues ever since Covid.  But weeks went by and they didn't arrive back on shelves in that store.  So I looked in another store.  Not there.  Then another.  Not there!

This seemed odd.  But we had just gone through a sugar shortage a few months ago due to a strike so I went home and googled to see if there was a similar sort of strike going on or anything.  

And that's when I learned that the manufacturers of this delightful cracker actually discontinued it more than a year ago and I had no idea.

And no, there's nothing close to this.  And I use this cracker to help me swallow my pills and as weird as it sounds I haven't found another cracker or thing that works the same way.  Other than a slice of bread.  Le sigh.

I've managed to find a couple of boxes at a store and my Mom found me a box somewhere else but all of this is just delaying the inevitable.  At some point in my very near future, I will not have any more Stoned Wheat Things to munch.

I'm bummed about this, and kind of tired of the whole "change is inevitable" thing.  JUST MAKE THINGS STAY THE SAME PLEASE!

So yeah, no more nom nom crackers for me.  Or you.  Just FYI.

Knotty

I have been having issues with my double knots on my runners getting stuck!  Like I go to take off my runners and the whole "pulling on one lace" thing only gets me so far and I have to slide off the runner and pick apart the knots.

I feel like a dolt about this so I started to try to figure out why this is happening.

There's probably an aspect of the type of lace and the age of the lace that is making them more uh... sticky?

But I also noticed that when I tie my second knot I often "throw" a lace around to make it neater and this, I assume, is actually messing up the knot. (?)

I also SUPER tighten that second knot and am thinking that may not be necessary so I'm starting to do it a little more loosely in hope that 1) that helps and 2) my laces stay tied!

But yeah, I have double knot issues and I'm trying to figure them out cuz it's annoying to have to pick apart super goofy double knots all the time!

A Time

Last month it seemed a lot of folks were talking about how it has been four years since we (the world) went into Covid lockdowns.  

For me, it still somehow feels odd that it was "that many" years ago and I'm pretty sure we all had our own sort of trauma from it all.

I don't want to get myself too far into the weeds here as that might trigger more anxiety or panic than I'd like to deal with right now but man.... that was not fun.

I remember having these intense conversations with Jason that I now recognize as both of us being extremely frightened but having different reactions to it.  Jason was half prepared to whisk us off into the woods to survive some sort of apocalyptic thing and that there would be military checkpoints stopping us from driving and I remember him asking if I essentially wanted to move in to his place since I wouldn't be able to drive back and forth.

I didn't.  And didn't think it would (or could) get to that point but of course we didn't actually know.  Turns out I was able to drive back and forth from his place to mine, on pretty empty roads and feeling like I was breaking some rule or law.  I remember ordering my groceries online.  Wearing a mask inside my own apartment building.  Carrying gloves and handkerchiefs to touch things.  I remember having bandanas and masks from going to Burning Man and using the bandanas when I went out for a walk.

A walk around the neighbourhood that I would force myself to go on.  Where we would see other people coming on the sidewalk and each of us would give a wide berth to the other, and I would pull my bandana up.

I remember worrying about shortages.  Supply chain.  Not knowing in any way what was going to happen here.

I had friends in the states who lost friends and colleagues in the early days.  I read first hand accounts of what was happening in some of the hardest hit places.  I remember visiting my parents but we would stand far away from each other wearing masks, outside and wondering if we'd ever get to hug again.  My Dad wondered if he'd get to see his grandchildren in person ever again or if he'd die before that happened.

So many tiny tragedies (as the saying goes.)  A collective fear.  Anxiety.  Not knowing.  

The banging of pots and pans at 7pm for our health care workers.

I remember watching the workers pick up my garbage and wishing I could thank them for keeping going when so many people were staying inside and "safer".

I remember a lot of places putting out free courses and classes and singing up for a bunch of them and then not having the energy or patience to follow through.

I'm very grateful that I had Jason to see and be with.  A human to spend time with and touch and talk to in person.  Yes that was a risk but I think I would have lost it had I had to be completely alone alone alone.

Lock down was strange.  I had hope it would nearly eliminate the virus if we did all literally stay inside for two weeks but of course that wasn't actually possible.  Our world doesn't work if no one does their job.  I get that, I do but I wish that naive thought of "we can end this if we do this!"  had come true.

I don't think this is ever going to really go away.  I don't think I'll ever not think about wearing a mask (which I know, was already normal for a lot of folks/cultures and jobs but wasn't for me.)  I don't think we (as a society) have come through this particularly well and this semi-forgetting of what was an awful, frightening, strange, uncomfortable thing is weird to me.

So I don't know, that was kind of a babble all to say hey... it's been four years?  Wow. 

Oh NOooooOOoOO

I broke a plant.

Like, snapped the thing.  Totally by accident and I suppose my fault for not knowing but also not my fault?

A few years ago one of my neighbours put this spindly limbed plant into the "give away" spot and I grabbed it.  I don't know how or where they had put it but the plant had to stalks (stems?) that were WILDLY twisty and so I've had them "tied" to stakes to have them be upright rather than shoot off to the side and fall down due to the weight of the (long, thin) leaves.

I repotted it last year and it grew a third stalk which made me VERY happy and I've been rotating it in an attempt to have the older stalks grow as straight as possible and so the other week I wanted to try to re-straighten one of the very bendy limbs.

As I was wrapping it around the guide pole, which I've done before by the way, I somehow twisted it the wrong way or too hard and it snapped.  Like the entire top half of the plant just snapped in half. OH NO!

I felt horrible.  For causing the plant pain, but also for losing a limb, even though I'm sure more experienced plant owners cut and chop all the time.

I quickly cut up the "still has leaves" portion of the now broken off stalk/stem and stuck it right back into the soil.  (I didn't know if that was the right thing to do but I wanted to try.). I put the other part (with no leaves) in water to see if it might root itself.

It's been a couple of weeks now and the part I stuck back into the dirt has lost a bunch of its bottom leaves but I'm keeping hopeful that it might be ok in the long run?

The part I put in water doesn't seem to be doing anything but I'll probably stick it in some dirt once I buy some (I'm currently low/nearly out) as I also have a leaf from a different plant stuck in some water since it just fell itself off (aka WASN'T ME!)

But, yeah, I broke a plant and I felt pretty bad about it, but I'm hopeful it will save what's left of itself! (And if it does, then I'll only have one twisty branch/stem/stalk!)

This Is Probably A Nature Blog Now!

(I mean two days of spider blog posts and now this!)

Last night I learned about the birds and the bees.  The raccoon birds and bees, I mean.

I was heading to bed and heard a "not normal" noise in the parking area.  I took a peek out my bedroom window and saw two raccoons frolicking on the roof of our parking area.

Now I've heard raccoons fight before.  It's NOISYYYYYY and screamy.  These two weren't fighting, but they were wrestling?

I heard a kind of chittering noise as they continued to wrestle, and then one of them, well, they mounted the other and I went "OH!  Raccoon sex!" and I probably blushed but I was also thinking it all seemed kind of sweet as sometimes animal sex (I'm thinking of YOU ducks!) can look kind of not... pleasant or what I'd call particularly consensual for the lady so this all seemed rather sweet.  She had the opportunity to leave but didn't, and they were all rolly-polly and then a little rumpy-pumpy and then back to the play wrestling.

I got ready for bed and peeked back out a few minutes later and they didn't seem quite finished but one of them was walking to the back of the roof area followed by the other.  I was curious if that was an indication of "done"-ness or if they just wanted a little more privacy as there are bushes and shrubs in that part of the lot and then I heard a loud crack followed by a thud so I don't know if it's common but it seems that this time raccoon sex was ended by one of them breaking a branch and falling to the ground!

I mean, I'm pretty sure I'd no longer be up for any fun times after that!  

So yeah, I learned about raccoon sex and that raccoons can both break and then fall out of trees.  Whoops!

Really??

Y'all?  I just yelled at another spider.  Or, let's be real, maybe the same one that made its way back into my apartment, I don't know, I didn't ask for I.D.!

This time?  I nearly walked right into it.  IN MY FACE!

Was going to get something out of the fridge and (OMG LUCKILY) saw something in front of my face and stopped, just in time to see a spider pulling itself up towards the ceiling in my kitchen RIGHT at face level!

"OH COME ON!" is what came out of my mouth in COMPLETE exasperation and then I got a glass out of the cupboard, corralled the little fella/ette (that's not a word but ok) into it and took it a bit further out into the hallway this time.

I've read that there are certain times of year (temperature based I think?) where you see spiders more and I guess I just have to suppose this is one of those times.

Either that or I have a spider who really should start paying some rent.  (Yes, I know, they "pay rent" by eating other icky bugs but if it's going to move in to my visual space... I'm just saying!)

Oh and happy eclipse day... partial or full.  (That's today right?). They're pretty neat to witness, even if you don't look up at all (which you shouldn't without the proper gear ok? Ok!)

UGH!

I'm grumpy. (See yesterday's post I suppose as a "chicken-egg" type thing.)

Which may explain why I just yelled/snapped at a spider.

So earlier this morning I saw a spider in my bathroom and just sort of quietly said "please go where I can't see you."

And just now I went in to pee and saw the same (pretty sure) spider next to the sink and was like UGH and then it moved towards the bathtub and I pretty much shouted "You don't want to go in there!"  but it did and I was SO annoyed because they get stuck in there and never make it out and then end up drowning and WHY didn't you just LISTEN to me!

"UGH, now you have to WAIT a minute" I then grouched at the spider as I went to get a glass and then worked to trick the spider to stepping in to the glass before transporting him/her outside my front door but like yeah, I just got annoyed, out loud,  at a being I'm pretty sure doesn't speak English.

Le sigh.

Hi

I'm forcing myself to write this as I'm just *not* right now.

Not doing.

I haven't made any art of any kind in months.  I haven't written here in weeks (?).  I haven't posted on social media in the same amount of time.  I'm just not.  

Have barely made it to the gym even.  Might not make it this week either.

I don't know if it was my vacation time off that kind of threw me for a loop or what but I just... haven't done anything.

And sure, that's not entirely accurate, I've tried baking and making some snacks so I guess I'm doing that but I really feel blocked or overly neutral or something.  

Maybe it's some plant in some position messing with me, I don't know (I'm pretty much just joking there btw) I just don't love the hovering black cloud of guilt that I'm not writing/painting/creating/exercising at the gym-ing.

So hi.  I'm typing words.  To post.  Voila.

In And Out

Apropos of nothing.... after watching a few documentaries about cults, it seems like the only "good" way to be involved is to get in early while things are still good and positive and possibly helpful and then get WAY WAY out.  Like... soon.

And, er, watch your money.  

And psyche.

Or, ok, just, don't start maybe I guess?

Dis-Connected

One of the things I noticed when I was away (in the cabin near the ocean... happy sigh) was that I survived just fine without wifi/internet/my devices.

Yes, I had my phone and laptop with me, but I hardly used them and that was just fine.  I did end up having cell service so once I day or so I logged in to my apps that track things daily (daily meditation, daily language learning) and that was about it.  Oh, and I used it to take photos sometimes.  And as for my laptop, I basically only used it to download my photos to storage.  Without wifi there was no real need for it.

I read my book (finished it actually), I talked with Jason (who spent a lot of time on his phone which was interesting.)  We played card games a couple of times.  I didn't do much at all.  Some walks around the area or hikes or what have you but really I was totally ok being away from wifi and devices for four days.  

I tried to replicate this at home but have failed spectacularly and I have been trying to figure that out.

I think a big part of it was there being someone else in my space.  Someone who was making conversation and chatting a lot of the time.  But also company I guess?  And sitting on the couch there was a beautiful view that I could just look out at if I wanted to.  Not that my view at my place is terrible, but lovely trees and buildings and sky are somehow not the same as lovely trees and ocean and nature, you know?

And my place is comfortable but it's not the same as being in essentially one room with a super comfy couch and nothing to do.  All the food you need is there.  (Plus running water and electricity and a fire and oh right, a hot tub and soaker bath.) You have no work, no appointments, no need to try to go to the gym or get groceries or run errands, you're just THERE.  (I did "turn down" my exercise expectations and kept up with my movement-exercise plus some small challenging hikes.)   

Oh and you're not even dealing with laundry (until you get home) and someone is vacuuming when you leave so you don't have to think about that (not that I made a mess, I'm just saying it's part of the holiday experience to not have those concerns, unlike at home.)

But anyway, I digress.

I went several days without digital connectivity and I was fine.

I get home and I'm like glued to my laptop and phone again.

Not my favourite.

I talked to Jason about the trip after as it's the first time we've done this sort of trip vs going camping and I wasn't sure how it would go.

It's a different kind of relaxing because when you're camping (especially at this time of year... Winter/Spring) there is CONSTANTLY something do to.  You don't sit for long during the day and then you do get to sit for a while at night but you have to maintain the fire at a minimum so while camping is very much nature immersion (and Jason and I usually do day trip adventures as well) it's a busy relaxation.  This cabin time was so incredibly relaxing in terms of WE DID NOTHING AT ALL.  We didn't leave the property even though we'd thought we might do some day trips.  Nope.  Just sat and relaxed the whole time.

Without wifi or tv or anything "at home" technology wise.

(And yes, now I just want to go back... still!  Even though I could not afford to live there the whole time and real life would eventually set back in in time.)

Sigh (Ish)

Jason and I went away for a few days to a cabin out of town.

It was so incredibly relaxing and now all I want to do is go back.

Jason cooked, (and I did dishes... for the record!) so all I had to do the whole time was nothing.

No thing.

And now, back in reality, there are so many things I need or should probably do and it's like can't I just live in holiday bubble forever and ever?  

Sigh.

Ever So Slightly Early Or Right On Time

We've hit our first warm days of the year moments before Spring officially arrives.

Today is the second day I have wondered about turning my radiator completely off rather than just having it turned down as it is right now.

Today is the first day I switched from my fuzzy/warm relaxing pants to cooler relaxing pants.

Today is a warm warm day, temperature wise and a beautiful day weather/sunshine wise.

I'm heading out of town for a bit and won't have access to the internet and I haven't yet prepared a bunch of posts so it may be one of those blank weeks that happen from time to time.

So happy Spring (almost) and happy weekend and talk soon.

Only Awkward For Me I'm Sure

There is a herbal spray that I accidentally found out helps keeping my digestive system... um.... going in a way that is better for me even though that is not the intention of the spray.

So I use it not for its intended purposes (which is apparently relaxation/stress reduction) but for other reasons that I don't really talk about!

One of the places I buy this spray has a cashier who is very friendly and out of the blue as I was buying this spray and other things he picked it up and asked "what is this for?"

Well, I mean I HOPE I didn't blush because I know what *I* use it for and I managed to say that it is supposed to help with sleep (or relaxation) because I didn't really know what to say?  "It's a herbal spray that probably is just placebo but I accidentally took too much once and discovered it helps my poop situation so that's why I buy it!"  (ahem)

But yeah, I'm reminding myself it was just a curious/innocent question of someone who'd likely never encountered that product before (the cashier is from another country and fairly new to Canada) and it's only me that felt embarrassed by the truth.

Time Change

Yeah.  That.

I tried to ease in to it.  Went to bed a little earlier all the days before (four or five days before I mean) and ate earlier and didn't sleep in.

And it's still seriously f*cking with me.

Sigh.

I think it's always the SUDDEN shift in light... times and waking up an hour earlier is NOT something my body has ever handled.  Not ever.  Not going on holidays and needing to get up early for a flight.  Not running a 10K and having to get up early for a start time.  Waking up earlier than my body is used to really really really messes with me and my body in ways I don't want to get in to.  It's not pretty.  Plus even with an alarm set on that first work night of the time change I kept waking up and checking the clock to see what time it was.  So yeah thanks for the no sleep stupid time change!

But anyway.... here's hoping it's not the worst transition.  Even though I swear I was just getting used to the last time change.

Sigh.

(And yes, I got into the car Sunday for an errand and wondered why I was had left so early and it actually took me a little bit of driving and wondering before I remembered I had to move my car clock forward an hour!)

This "Winter"

I SWEAR I've babbled about this before y'all, but I just scrolled back through a few weeks worth of posts and didn't see anything so here we are... maybe "again".

So we had a relatively mild Winter this year (yes, I know it's still Winter for another week-ish, I just feel safe talking about Winter in the past tense now!) despite a couple of quite cold snaps.

The last two weeks have been technically not that cold (temperature wise) but I have been FREEZING at night.

Like SO cold.  Like close the blinds and windows and get out the Winter blankets you didn't use AT ALL this year kind of cold.

It's... a little odd.

It feels so much colder this last month than it has all Winter (except for the cold snaps!) and I can't quite figure it out.

It's probably a combo of things.... I have turned my main radiator down and I haven't been using my bedroom one (which I did in the cold cold).  And probably something to do with the moisture in the air in some science way I can't explain.

All I know is I have been colder at night in the last few weeks than I was all the rest of Winter and that's kind of funny (as the temps have been higher!)

And while we're here, let me just say I'm not wanting to rush Winter away or to rush through Spring.  I'm good with the cooler temps (and trying not to despair about what Summer might bring.)

 (Oh and?  Sunday night I was SO warm I had both windows open!)

Swiftly

I doubt it's a one hundred percent of the world wide sort of situation but I'd imagine it's pretty darn close to that.... the musical artist (singer) Taylor Swift is seemingly EVERYWHERE right now and it's an interesting phenomenon to be witnessing.

I'm fairly neutral about the whole thing.  I'm sure I have heard her songs over the years and I've certainly heard of her for years.  I watched a documentary about her that gave me pretty specific feelings about how I see her (and I keep those to myself) and while I'm not particularly a fan, I'm also not a... what would they say, a hater?

I guess I'm neutral about her music and I'm bemused by the range of folks who like her stuff (it's really quite a range... from current teen girls to honest to God middle aged men and all sorts in between, it's neat!) and I'm happy enough for something positive to be a focus for so many.  (And I think the whole thing with her current boyfriend and the whole Super Bowl football things and Dads and daughters bonding over that is lovely.)

One of my darling nieces is a huge "Swifty" and has managed to score tickets for a couple of concerts, although not the one most local.  She has also chosen to go to an overseas show and I am SO incredibly excited and happy for her to have that experience!  I'm totally supportive of enjoying and loving an artist and the experience of a grand concert.  

The whole thing confuses my parents, which is also sweet.  My Mom, when she found out my niece is going to see Ms. Swift for what will be the third (I think?) time said "but she's seen her already!?"

I didn't bother to point out that that's what we do.  I mean I've seen Xavier Rudd I don't even know how many times?  7?  10?  Same for the Tragically Hip.  And there are bands I *wish* I'd seen and would have seen more than once had I had the chance (Pink Floyd original, and Led Zeppelin.). I've seen multiple artists more than once, and so it's cute to me that my Mom hasn't had that experience and so wouldn't understand it.  (I'm not sure they've actually gone to a traditional concert to be fair, although they have gone to "shows"... like I think they saw so and so at Vegas or something like that?)

But I digress.

I was musing to myself about this current T. Swift phenomenon and I wondered if it was something like the Beatles or Elvis was in their day.  Which made me realize that not everyone would have liked the Beatles.  People probably thought similarly about them as many do about Taylor Swift.  People probably didn't all like their music, thought they were... detrimental to society (especially with all that drug reference type stuff and the hippie movement etc.). Maybe many actually found the whole thing annoying, I don't know, it was before my time and I happen to think they're great!  (This has reminded me that my Mom told me when she was a nursing student she got in trouble for having a Beatles poster up in her room/dorm as they were thought to be "too radical" with their "long hair"!  Oh and there was the whole "Elvis the Pelvis" thing, and we've not even gotten to the rest of the well known acts of those days or even later years!)

When then also got me to thinking about what those "big" artists "back in the day" would have been like had social media been around and man that was a nasty thought.

Now I'm not saying T.S. is the only large/massive artist right now, it just seems that she's a LOT right now and it's an interesting thing to be observing and it makes me wonder how "big social phenomenon" in the past felt compared to this, what with media being entirely different and mainly digital.  It'd be neat to talk to someone who was around in the heyday of Beatlemania and see if they feel any similarities.  You know what I mean jellybean?

Not Camping

Jason has told me he doesn't feel up to going camping this year so for the first time in a few years we're not doing Spring/Late Winter camping.  

I'm kind of ok with that as it has super stressed me out in the past but I'm also a little bummed.  He's suggested we rent some kind of cabin thing as he figures it might come close to the amount we spend on camping what with using up tons of firewood due to the brrrrrr cold of this time of year, so that'll be different.

But yeah, may not be camping at all this year as I haven't gone Summer/warm camping in decades but never say never I guess.

(And, yes, I know I still have to recap the last two camping trips... the notes sit next to me when I'm on my couch so it's kind of hard to forget.  Maybe if we do go on a trip that has electricity I'll write as we're there!?  Who knows. 

I Did Not Like That!

Taylor Jenkins Reid is an author who wrote a book called "Daisy Jones and the Six" that was turned into a series I really enjoyed watching.  It was a story about a band and I'll leave it there in case you are going to watch or read it.

I think I watched the show first and then read the book and then watched the show again! (ha)

(If you've been around long enough you've probably heard me mention how much I enjoy watching/reading book-tv/movie interpretations and seeing what got changed or left out or what have you.

So I liked the easy feel of the book well enough that I tried another book by the same author about a tennis star who came out of retirement.

It was an ok enough read but then I was near the far end of the book when the main character mentioned taking a rest and reading this book "Daisy Jones and the Six" and I got mad.

That little self referential thing took me right out of the story and into the reality of "you are reading a book that is written by an author who is now referencing her own characters and book" and that just.... didn't sit well for me.

I thought about it non stop for the next few pages and even the next night kept getting annoyed.

I'm not sure if it was supposed to be funny or an in-joke or what but I can't remember being this mad/annoyed/irritated at an author before but I also can't remember an author referencing a book they wrote being read by a character in a book they wrote.  IT REALLY IRKED ME!!!!

So, yeah, that kind of ruined the rest of the book for me but I finished it anyway as I was pretty near the end and I'll probably try another book by the author (as they're a light read) but if she does that ever again I will probably throw the book across the room and that's not something I'd ever think I'd do!

But the series was great and hopefully that didn't get ruined by this arglebargle (angry noise)!

We're All Just Walking Each Other Home

When it feels safe and comfortable to do so (because in all honestly there are times it does not) I will make eye contact with and say hello to someone who is "pan-handling" or asking for money along my walks.  They're quite often outside of one of the stores I go into sometimes and I'll often give them a nod or a short greeting.  They're humans after all, and often ignored or treated unkindly.

No one wants to be invisible all day every day.  Or I suppose in reality some of us do, but my point is more to those living in difficult circumstances... I always wonder if they feel no one likes them or if everyone is judging them as a "junkie" or "bum" or other derogatorily negative term.

So the other day I was walking into the store and passed a fellow who seemed vaguely within my age range (many of these folks tend to appear older than I am) and as I was slowing to get out my mask I asked him how his day was going.  "Not great," he replied.  I paused, at a slight distance and said "oh?"... an invitation to tell me more.  He told me that his wallet had been stolen and he had had eighty bucks in it and so now he had to "do this until next month".  I felt awful for him.  $80 is a non insignificant amount of money for me to lose and I have a job and decent income.  I'd be upset if $80 of mine just disappeared.  But for someone on what I assume is a lower or fixed income like this fellow?  That would be a really huge loss.  And if *I* lost $80 it would just mean maybe going into my line of credit or spending less on something or just being upset, but for him?  It means having to ask strangers for money on a sidewalk for (at the time) two and a half weeks to get by.

And no, I don't know if he was lying, I don't believe he was, and no I of course don't know what he might be planning on using that money for but you don't know what I'd be using $80 for either.  To judge and assume he'd be spending it on drugs or other things that have a negative social connotation is not fair to either him or to me, really.  I present well, but do you know what my difficulties really are?  At a glance?  (I mean you all kind of do because you're here, but on the outside, you wouldn't.)

I had no money to give him, and if I had, I'm not sure it would have been wise to do so.  I mentioned it to a friend who has worked in social services for the unhoused and he said that unfortunately if I'd gotten the guy's name (a plan I told him I'd considered) and gone in to a supportive community and asked for this $80 to be given directly to him the care/case worker would have had to report it as income and that would have come off of his next cheque.  So even my idea of a good deed (had I had the money to spare) wouldn't have helped long term.

But back to my point.  

I told him that that sucked and I was really sorry and after I'd said this he asked me how MY day was going?  I was fairly honest and said "meh....it's ok" and shook my hand in that  "middle ground" kind of way and he said "five out of ten?" and I said yeah.  "I hope your day gets better." he said and I wished him the same and walked off into the store.

This one little interaction really felt like a reminder to me that we're all just humans and we ALL have our shit.  I have NO idea what that guy was going through.  Not just with the lost money, but with his internal thoughts.  I was walking along with so much running through my head about my stresses and my upsets and I'd bet he's got just as much going on and on top of that he has to ask people for money.

Damn.

I judge.  I'm not saying I do.  I have my stereotypical ideas about those I see in various stages of "not ok" around town.  But I fight against those thoughts.  And this two minute exchange with a guy pretty near my age and not too run down looking really made me think about the idea we're all fighting battles in our heads and minds and hearts and souls and we're all just fucking humans.

It's hard out here man.  My version of hard isn't superior to anyone else's just because I have a roof over my head and a job I go to. 

We're all just human.  We've all got inner lives and pain and difficulty and goals and self.

It's March now, so I hope that dude made it through to his next check without too much extra upset and maybe me chatting to him was an ok moment in the rest of his day.  Maybe it meant nothing.  Maybe it annoyed him, I have no way of knowing, but for me that chat had impact and I'll not quickly forget it.

Cuts Like A Knife (But It Doesn't Feel So Right)

I was moving some things at work yesterday and as I put them down (or was I lifting them up?) the edge of one of the items SLICED into that crook of skin between my thumb and first finger in the nastiest paper cut I have had in a while.

I mean paper cuts are always ouchie but this one actually bled (ermagherd) and yes I got it covered up right away but do you know how often you stretch that part of your hand?  Well I can tell you it's quite a lot, even on your non dominant hand!

I'll keep a bandaid on it to keep it clean while it heals (it's quite deep and wide...gah) but also to hopefully keep the skin together when I do use that hand so that it's not... you know, constantly pulling part.  D'oh.   Oh and?  Since the bandaid has to go down into my palm to keep the wound covered and you use your palm and your palm sweats, even if just a little the bandaid will eventually stop sticking and then you have to deal with that as well!

Anyway.  Yeah, that was a doozie and it's going to be here I while I figure!  So weird that the edge of paper (or cardboard or stock paper which is what I think this might have been?) can be so nasty, eh?