You see, I have a mind that finds itself stuck in the gutter more often than not and when I saw this sign, my thought process was something along these lines:
"Why would they need to use a jack on a train. . . waaaaaait a second. Tee hee. Jack. Hee hee. Jack Here. Hee hee! It looks like a sign telling guys where they should jack off. Like, where they should masturbate. Like, how some guys apparently jack off into a sock or towel or something. This sign tells them where to do it! Look guys! Jack here! Heh heh. I'm thinking about boy's pee pees! Hee hee." *Points sign out to friends, wonders why they're not laughing. Takes photo. Giggles to self every time sees photo from that moment on.*
Writing an actual post about masturbation, however, has proven to be far more challenging than I thought. Masturbation, you see, is a private matter, and I'm not willing to discuss the habits of any of my exes and I'm certainly not bold enough to be that open about myself. Especially in public. In fact, I remember once categorically denying that masturbation was something I ever did or had ever done.
It was my first year of University and my friends and I had become friendly with the older guys living two floors beneath us. One night, my best pal and I were down in the room of one of these cute, older (therefore slightly dangerous) guys and a few beverages of the alcoholic sort had been consumed by all. The guy and his buddy, let's call them Mike and Spike, were joking around with us when Mike asked my friend and I about our masturbation habits. Without hesitation we both denied we EVER did that, eww, gross.
Mike continued to drill us. Never? Not even once by accident? Were we sure?
Yep. Never. Nope, we wouldn't do that. Neither of us. No. Not at all.
Mike laughed, gently, and sighed in a knowing manner.
"One day, girls, you will grow up enough to tell me that you do indeed masturbate and you're not embarrassed to admit it."
"NEVER!" we protested loudly and with great determination. "We have never done this thing you speak of and we will never do it. So there!" And we finished our bottles of peach Schnapps and left, indignant and embarrassed.
Flash forward several years. . .
Mike and my friend and I are over at his house sharing a bottle of wine and remembering our early days in University. My friend and I turn to each other and with a nod of agreement, put down our glasses.
"Mike," we say, "we have something we need to confess.... "
"You were right."
2 comments:
Wait a minute, I know for a FACT that women do not masterbate! They say they don't so I believe them! ;o)
Same goes for guys, if they say they have never done it, they are full of shit. That's why it is there within arm's reach!
Oh, and by the way....I have never done it!
heh... gotcha. ; )
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