Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Sorry, Hang On

Sorry, got bumped around a bit this weekend... a tv show that broke me, then a family gathering to celebrate a big event, then a friend who was hurting and needed some support, then a two thirty wakeup by the police outside my window dealing with bad guys and then the news, yesterday morning, that a musical icon and love of mine has a terminal illness.

I just need to sit for a minute here, so posting is on the back burner...  Just need a breath.

Tuesday, 24 May 2016


My love of long weekends is nearly matched by the confusion of why the short week following often seems extra long.


Friday, 20 May 2016

Chompy McChomperson

I got absolutely chewed up by a mosquito (I'm guessing) at some point here.

Frustratingly, I have no idea when.  Woke up noticing a bite yesterday morning and by the time I had my socks on, I had found 5 bites.  By lunch, another two.

And then last night, even though I put on whatever "works for sure" cream, I woke myself up scratching my foot against my bed.  *whimpers*

So I have no idea when it, or they, got to me... if it was overnight, or that morning, or days ago, on the beach, in someone's house, in my room even?   I... ugh.

And so itchy.  So.

Why'd I gotta taste so good to bitey itchy things?  Argh!

Thursday, 19 May 2016

Ramble, Ramble, Babble

I brought up zombies the other day, and now I'm totally stuck on one particular thought.  Yes, I've read a few different zombie novels and seen a show or two, but the one particular show I'm watching right now is meant to be a "start of the bad times" show and I'm realizing it's still failed to tell me HOW things all started... just that they did.

So, I mean, ok, according to this show only, is what I'm going on here...  According to this show, if you die you turn, so basically death makes you into a zombie.  Or being bitten by a zombie makes you a zombie.  But ok, even there... is that due to the bite transmission?  Sure, we assume.  But what if you turn from the blood loss of being chewed up by the zombie... but ok, let's assume the bite transmits the bad (I'm not going to call it a virus or anything because the show hasn't addressed that - although I have some cool books that put forth their own ideas) and just plain old death does too.

But... how about the initial start.  Did all those zombies that are now going around biting, did they just spontaneously turn?  Were they all previously dead?  I'm going to assume there was some kind of spontaneous turning that happened to create... let's call it the first wave of zombies.  (And then the bitten or dying added to the initial numbers.)  So.... how come not EVERYONE turned initially?  How come people aren't spontaneously continuing to turn????  WHERE IS MY ORIGIN STORY DAMNIT!?

No, but really.  So many unanswered questions.  Which, I suppose I'm just not supposed to ask, really.

Arrrrrrrrgh, Brainssssssss!  (Except I keep saying... all zombie material suggests they moan/groan/make noise.  What if they don't?  We're all expecting them to!)

Wednesday, 18 May 2016


If you were my blue hoodie, where would you be?

Tuesday, 17 May 2016

And Theeeeeeen?

Finished my re-read book last night and am now trying to figure out what new book I should re-read.

I had a small hankering for zombie type (I have a couple of decent zombie books) but they might not work for me right now as I'm a little on the easily stressed out side right now and well, zombies = stress!  I mean, that's maybe not fair, most books have a level of stress to them but you know what I mean.  I'm not sure I'm up for high strung adventure.

I'll have to dig through my books and see what I have out.  Don't think I'm going to read the next in the series I just finished, which maybe means I can finally get rid of the box I have of alllllllll the rest of the books in that (rather long) series.  Oh, and there were at least a couple of surprises I'd forgotten about during the book, so that was a nice little treat.

Maybe I'll stay in the realm of sci-fi/fantasy, maybe Mists of Avalon or something like that.... Hmmm... lemme see what jumps out at me to be read, I may have some ideas!

Monday, 16 May 2016

I Can't Even

As I mentioned on Saturday, I now have a ticket for Burning Man this year.  Which is awesome.

Oh, and apparently it's already halfway through May.  Pardon?  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA no.

You've got to be kidding me, right?  I think not.  Still March.

Anyway, when the ticketing stuff was done last week and I got off the phone with the ticketing company (I don't feel like typing their name, they're not my favourite people right now... fix your system fools!  [you had to say that last part like Mr T by the way] ) I threw my arms up in the air and shouted YES!  And then I started crying.

Because that's a significant part of making this whole thing real for this year.

I was thinking about it, and realized I'm in this kind of weird halo type zone where Burning Man seems perfect and amazing and I just can't wait to go back!

I've talked to mothers who have given birth and they say that after a while you forget about the pain of childbirth and the absolute exhaustion of those early days and you start to think about having a kid again and that it's this weird, maybe even hormonal thing where you realize you've forgotten all the bad stuff.


That's where I am right now.  Because Burning Man is a lot of damn hard work.  It's tiring.  It's stupid hot (except for the cold nights sometimes!) It's hard on your body (mine especially.)  It's uncomfortable.  It's a long drive (let's not even talk about that for this year yet.)  It's not this amazing, glowy, perfect, easy experience!

Yet, that's how it's feeling to me right now.  It's like there's this golden hazy glow over any Burning Man thought I have right now.  It's all oooooohs and aaaaaaahs and man... I should totally go RIGHT NOW, Burning Man is so perfect and so easy!  *dreamy sigh, combined with long slow blinks*

Yeah.  No, me.  It's not.

I mean it is.  It's amazing and stuff, but easy it is not.

I can't even seem to wrap my brain around that truth right now though.

Guess it's time to have another baby, eh?*

Silly brain.... silly.
*yeah, metaphorically speaking only, yo

Saturday, 14 May 2016

And So It Goes

I felt like sharing this photo again... my first moments hitting the playa of Black Rock in August of 2013. 

Did I know this place would become such a part of my life and would help positively shape who I am?  No.  I had no idea.  All I knew was I was uncomfortably hot and wasn't sure what all I had gotten myself into.  Who knew.

Last I told you, my Burning Man adventure for this year had me not really sure about.... much.

The main ticket sale, it turns out, had some technical faults (human coding error on their end) which explains a bit why it didn't feel right at the time, but all's well that ends well and last week I completed a ticket exchange process with someone and now I have a ticket and a vehicle pass for Burning Man 2016!

By a combination of the awesomeness that can be the internet and generally good people, someone contacted me that they'd seen me on a local "ticket exchange-needed" board and was I still looking for a ticket.  Yes, yes I was!  And at that point, I only cautiously told a couple of people just in case.  I don't know just in case of what (I have good radar when it comes to trustworthiness online, knock on wood) but we sealed the deal officially this week, and I've upgraded my shipping information with the ticket company and, well, yeah.  Wow.  Much nicer than still not knowing if I'd get a ticket until last minute.

So, yay!  I have a ticket for this year, for realsies!


Friday, 13 May 2016

This Is My Proud Face

For some of you, maybe especially those of you who haven't been around here all that long, what I'm about to say may not seem like all that big of a deal.  But for me?  It felt like one, in a good, positive way.

Last weekend (two weekends ago?) I went to a workshop all by myself.

All by myself!

Jason actually told me about it because he thought it was right up my alley, but he wasn't really wanting to go and ended up working that day anyway.  I had one other friend I thought might be interested in going, but she never got back to me.

That morning rolled round and I still wanted to go.  So I got up, got ready, and headed to the place.

I'm glad I did, I enjoyed the talk, or whatever, but maybe even more than that, I did something without needing someone else to come along with me.

I didn't talk myself out of it by being scared by what ifs, I wanted to go and I did.

It maybe helped that I knew there wouldn't be much expected of me other than sitting and listening to the speaker, so it wasn't a high pressure situation like a party, and I figured that I'd rather go than regret not going.

For those of you who are maybe on the more extroverted side of things, you might be reading this with a really confused look on your face, but for me?  Kind of a big deal.  And having done it once, makes it all the more likely I'll do it again.

So yay me, pat on the back for going and just all around yay!

Thursday, 12 May 2016

Let's Do The Laundry Warp Again!*

So there's a time warp in my laundry room.

No, but really.

See, my laundry room (shared in the building) is at most, a minute away from my apartment.  And the washing machines have a timer on them.  So, every time I start a load, I walk back to my apartment and on my microwave timer, put in the number of minutes until I have to go change the load.

I think a heavy/large wash takes 39 minutes, for example, so I'll get it started, check it's actually going (sometimes the load won't start if the door hasn't been fully shut and locked, so I wait til the water actually starts running) then I head back to my apartment and set the timer for 39 minutes.

So if you add in the minute or so it takes me to hear the microwave buzzer go off, put aside whatever else I was doing, make sure I have slippers on, or whatever, it's usually a few minutes past 39 minutes that I get back down to the laundry room.

But lately?  And especially this last couple of times?  I'll get down there and there are still two or three minutes left in the cycle.

What?  How? 

So, clearly, the only explanation is that time is somehow slower in my laundry room than in my apartment. 

39 minutes of laundry room time does not equal 39+ minutes of apartment time.  More like 39 = 43.

Now, how to profit from this... that's the next step!

*It's just a spin to the right.... and then a load to the left.... you bring your stuff to the room, and put your clothes in tight... but it's the dryer buzz, it really drives you insane, let's do the laundry warp agaaaaaaain.

Wednesday, 11 May 2016

And Then There Was The Time Fruit Flies Weren't

Once upon a time, one of the grocery stores here were selling these little potted plants that had magnets on the side of the pot so you could stick them on your fridge.

I impulse bought one (because so cute!) and at some point, saw that it was growing outwards in a funny way so I decided to propagate it.  (I think that's the proper term.  I wanted to say "have babies" but I didn't want to give anyone the wrong idea)

I repotted the, uh.. growing bit that I took out and, I don't know, water... somethinged?  And it continued to do well, and I felt like a really good plant momma.

A few of weeks ago, though, I noticed that there were little flies around.  Fruit flies.  UGH.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed more than a few of the fruit flies around this plant, and figured there was some kind of issue with the plant that was causing them to hatch.  Boo.

I went and got some apple cider vinegar to catch the fruit flies, and moved the plant to dry up the soil for a while, and I also ordered some aquarium gravel (someone on the internet said that flies from houseplants often are coming from the dirt and you can "smother" the larvae with the gravel.)

Two days later and none of the fruit flies had made it into the trap.  So.... clearly not fruit flies.

Some kind of gnat is the best guess the internet searches gave me, and I'm hoping that the gravel (which hasn't arrived yet, I amazon-ed it) will work and that it's the soil at fault and not the plant rotting (I sometimes have problems with plants that aren't super leafy... I, for example, have tended to kill Jades and Cacti and the like with overwatering... and this little guy's Jade-ish... but not)

So, I'm hoping that I don't have to throw my plant out or replant it in someone's garden (because it'll likely die with the change of temperature) but yeah.  Those them there fruit flies?  Weren't.

Le sigh.

Tuesday, 10 May 2016

That Time Pizza Made Me Cry

Jason and I had a busy stressful shoot Friday and were both exhausted and kind of grumpy Saturday.

Around lunch time he texted me and mentioned that he'd woken up craving deep dish pizza.  We talked about pizza for a while and he said that there was a place in town he knew of that did slices and gluten free too.  I checked their online menu to make sure they had gluten free and told him I'd pick up a couple of slices and head over to his place for a chill lunch.

I figured we both deserved it and it'd be nice to sit in the sun and talk about the shoot.

I got to the place and chose the slices for Jason and asked the guy there if they had any gluten free slices.

No.  They didn't.  Gluten free has to be special ordered.

And for whatever reason, in that moment, it hit me really really hard and I paid, left, and started to cry.

Not eating certain things by choice is one thing, but to have the choice taken away from you because of an allergy or an illness, well, it makes these little life moments that much harder.  You can't just go and grab a couple of slices of pizza to go sit and eat with your friend.  Not having that one, small, simple choice, in that moment, hurt.

I know this isn't really a problem and I know I'm lucky to live the life I do.

It just made me sad not to be able to do this one simple thing.  Breaking bread with someone can be a powerful thing; a bonding thing.  It's just not quite that simple for me, and sometimes that's hard.

Monday, 9 May 2016

It's Spreading!

So I know at least one of you will be as fascinated by this as I was.  (This one's for you Jason L!)

To be honest, I haven't been paying all that much attention to the banana tree, which could mean that there haven't been many banana peels lately, or that I just keep forgetting when I'm in that area, or that someone's cleaning them up or that the banana... peel leaver has moved on.  Or something.

So imagine my surprise when I was walking home from the store and I noticed, in the shade of a big tree in front of my very own building.... BANANA!!!!!!

Yes, I stopped and took a photo (with my phone... even if it made me look crazy!) and no, I couldn't get one that was better exposed because I didn't want to touch the evidence!

Now, just to throw a loop in things here... this was not just a peel.  There was still banana in this banana.

But it had, at least, been started.  (Unless that was done by an animal post drop.)

Is the banana peel leaver losing their taste for banana peel dropping?  Do they feel they're being watched and have to change their timing?  Did they get caught eating this banana and have to drop and run?  OH MY... COULD THE BANANA PEEL DROPPER ACTUALLY LIVE IN MY BUILDING??????

You can imagine the glee I felt when I saw this (and the giggle in my head when I thought "oh man, Jason L will love this!") but please, someone stop me if it comes to a point where I start to suggest stakeouts or dash cams attached to trees or anything.

But yes.  Banana.  Right outside my very door.

Almost as if they knew.

(Looks around...adjusts tinfoil hat...)

Updated to add:  I did go for a walk after I wrote this yesterday and saw a very old black one at the base of a tree that may or may not be the usual tree....

Saturday, 7 May 2016


I, apparently, do not like standing up for myself.

It makes me feel so uncomfortable and like the entire world is going to collapse around me and the other people involved are going to dislike me and not want to be part of my life anymore.  It sucks.

A lot.

And I do not like it.

Nothing about it feels good, not the lead up to it, not the doing of it, not the afterwards.

Friday, 6 May 2016

The Other Thought

I remembered the other thing I forgot yesterday.

And then I forgot it again and then remembered it again and forgot it again so I'm writing it down now while I hopefully remember.

But, yeah, it was another thing that was said to me that really blew my mind and made me realize I kind of had to change everything.

Well, ok, I didn't *have* to, but I may as well.

I was talking about how I've always constantly, in that people pleaser way, tried to do what I think people want, or need so that they'll maybe not judge me.  Or will like me.  I don't really remember the entire conversation anymore, but the gist of it was how I'm always bending over backwards to do what will make people judge me in the most positive way.  Or something like that.  Because the thing that was said to me was basically that I'm being judged anyway.

That if I force myself to be a certain way or do certain things or behave in certain ways, that I will still be being judged for that.

That maybe people will be judging me for being "so compliant" or wondering why I'm always "so nice" or whatever, the point wasn't what they might be saying, but the idea that even if I try really really hard to please, there will still be those that aren't.  And those that are judging.  And so it becomes somewhat pointless.  And the idea is then that if I'm living in this fear of being judged, or being not liked, really, then I may as well live in a way that feels good to me since I'll at least then be enjoying myself and my life and living as happily as I can.... rather than living a life for others and then feeling like they're not even really that happy anyway.

I don't know, I'm not putting the words down properly, but I just... it blew my mind to realize or to hear that I could be being "perfect" (whatever that looks like) and I would still be being judged.


May as well make myself happy and be in integrity with myself and learn to be ok with not being liked, or judged "negatively" or whatever.

I don't know, I'm still sort of trying to sort through it in my head.

It's a lot.  That I know for sure.
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2016 and then some.) Kay? Kay.