Friday, 19 July 2019

Is This Melancholy?

I had kind of a sad moment this week, probably my first major experience of feeling like "kids these days" are missing out.

I was speaking to one of the lovely children in my life and they were telling me how they saved up their money to buy a particular doll.  (Maplelea?)  I asked if she could guess what the first thing was that *I* saved up my money as a kid to buy! 

No, not a stuffie.
No, not a doll.
No, not whatever the third guess was going to be, I interrupted and said "you know?  I'm not sure you'll actually know what this thing is!"

Walkie talkies!  I said, excitedly.  Because damn if they weren't the coolest thing.  I was so so so excited to buy my first set, Fisher Price I believe, but "toy" walkie talkies anyway... not much range, but still, so cool. 

I asked if she knew what a "walkie talkie" was and she said no, so I gave a little explanation of what they were and how you used them and she said "but, why didn't you just use your phones?" and my heart sank.

I explained that we didn't have cell phones "back then" and that we didn't even have phones that came off the wall (cordless.)

She didn't seem all that impressed and I was so sad.  Walkie talkies were the bomb.  We had so much fun with them, playing and imagining and feeling like.... I don't even remember, but I STILL think walkie talkies are cool.  Yes, even with a smart phone in my pocket.

I know I could go ahead and buy her a set and maybe she'd enjoy them just as much as I did (she and her sibling do not yet have cell phones of any kind) (and actually, maybe I'll consider that for Christmas or next birthday or something?!) but it really made me feel sad for the things that "kids these days" might just be missing out on because of "technology."

And, yes, I'm aware that there's probably something every generation that the "elders" go "oh dear, that technology is ruining the young folks"... but....

Sigh.  "Why didn't you just use your phones?"

Ouch.

Thursday, 18 July 2019

Just Me?

I noticed on yesterday's post that the first word of the post appeared "on" the photo, not below it... I tried to reformat but there wasn't much I could see to change.

Then I noticed that the last few posts with photos had the same issue.  I have no idea if it's always been like this and I just didn't notice or if it's something that's just happening now?  Or only on certain browsers?  GAH!

So... when *you* see a photo post, are there any "glitches" of any kind for you?


(Edit:  I just went and looked on Safari and it seemed fine.  This "issue" is maybe only happening on Firefox?  Or maybe, hopefully, only for me in "author" view?)

Wednesday, 17 July 2019

It's Like A Whole New Phone!

So my iPhone is six or seven years old... it's a 5s and while I suppose I could replace it, I don't really have a huge need to and I don't really want to pay more for a "newer" phone.

When I bought it I put a screen protector on it and it's been on it ever since.

It got worn out in some places and then when I had the battery replaced it had a weird raised part and then I tried to fix a spot that had a hole in it and I just ended up making it worse so, long story short, I decided to get a new screen protector.

I got around to doing it yesterday and you guys?  It's like I got a whole new phone!

I'm not kidding!!!  The screen is like brand new, and I feel like it's probably better than the original screen saver ever was it's seriously amazing!

So, yeah, I totally feel like I got a new iPhone for twenty bucks.  Woo hoo!


Tuesday, 16 July 2019

Bleargh

I spent too many hours over too many days staring at my laptop screen and to quote Blind Willie Johnson (and Led Zeppelin), it's nobody's fault but mine.

I can has new brain?

Monday, 15 July 2019

Quiet

It's 7 pm on Sunday night as I type this and the thought that just occurred to me was "crap... I haven't written anything."  This thought happens quite often these days, sometimes, unfortunately, followed by a feeling of growing panic... which is not conducive to writing.

All I really want to do is settle down for the evening, but I'm telling myself I can type out one post, right?  Sure.

I had a decent weekend.  Quiet.  Which is ok, but I feel guilty having quiet weekends during the summer.  In part because there are so many things going on, and in part because the weather is nice.  And I imagine that there will come a time in the more dreary months when I wish I had taken advantage of the nice weather.... but... this weekend I didn't, and I'm going to remind myself that that's ok.

I suppose I could tell myself I was also resting my body and that's partially true, but it was more that I just didn't feel like dealing with it all.... the going somewhere... the probably dealing with other people of it all...so I didn't.

But (she says somewhat guiltily) I also didn't take any of that down time to write out any blog posts.  Not sure why.  I suppose I kept thinking I'd get around to it on Sunday and then my Sunday afternoon I actually did get out of the house and hang out in someone else's backyard (since I don't have one!) and so now here I am at 7 something on a Sunday night just wanting to lay back and zone out.

Now I just have to shoo away the guilt.  It's ok to be quiet, to do nothing, or very little, even when the days are long and the weather is nice.  Right?

Saturday, 13 July 2019

Whoops!

Apparently I slept through an earthquake the other night!

Sounds like it was shallow and not too too close to here but still, they usually wake me up. 

I'm going to blame the Robaxacet I took to help try to calm down my neck/shoulder that got upset for a reason I'm still not entirely sure about.

Quite a lot of earth shaking activity around these here parts of late... I try not to think about the worst case too too much, you know?

Friday, 12 July 2019

No, But Seriously



So this is one of those memes that you'd normally only see on Facebook, but I "stole" it and, um, yeah, this really does explain a lot in what I see as a humorous way.

Srsly.

Thursday, 11 July 2019

Ten-Lined June Beetle

As I was walking to my car yesterday, I saw a fairly large beetle (bug) on its back doing the kicky leg thing.

I'm not a super huge fan of bugs and things, but I also don't like "suffering" so I gently flicked it over with the tip of my shoe.

It then "hissed" at me so I was like FINE THEN, SORRY I TRIED TO HELP! and I went on with my... whatever it was I was doing.

I got back a few hours later and said beetle was once again on their back and no longer moving so I guess it was doing that dying thing they do... which I remember reading about why once, but now no longer remember.

I googled it this morning and the internet tells me it's a "Ten Lined June Beetle" if you like these sorts of things.  I've never seen one before, and have no idea where it might have come from but yeah.  I tried little fella, I really did!

Wednesday, 10 July 2019

It's All Relative

I had friends visiting from Hawaii and we were wandering around downtown.  I mentioned to them
that I was sorry how muggy it was (because all of us here are like GAH, SO MUGGY!!!) and they kind of looked at me... paused... and then said that they were just thinking how fresh and clean the air was and I went aw crap... Hawaii... muggy... nevermind!

So, yeah... it's muggy by THIS island's standards, but, you know.. not by that island's standards (or probably other big cities that I've never been to but in the movies people seem to complain about the mugginess!)

Tuesday, 9 July 2019

Groggy

Not a whole lot of sleep last night but I did wake up this morning and remember I hadn't got anything ready to go out here so um.... hi?

Monday, 8 July 2019

A Long Weekend

So, this wasn't a holiday long weekend, but for me it ended up feeling like a long weekend and that's pretty cool.

Jason and I went for a (long!) drive up Island to somewhere he hadn't been in nearly a decade and I'd never been.  We ended up... I don't even know what... using a rope to climb down a whole long way (while I struggled greatly with the height and my strength and fears and I probably swore a whole lot, ahem). 

He enjoys driving a lot more than I do, but I'm finding ways to make the drive itself more comfortable for myself.

I found myself really wishing I didn't get car/motion sick because it feels like it could be a whole lot easier on me if I could read for the ride and just ignore all the potential dangers my passenger seat self "sees" (anticipates?)

These longer days help too as it meant we could get back into town before dark, which means we could spend a little longer in the location, and stop to stretch our legs a few times on the drive too.

There were a TON of things happening this weekend, all of which I missed... in part because I wasn't here on Saturday and I was recovering on Sunday!

But it was a nice weekend and gas was a little cheaper up Island too as a bonus!

Saturday, 6 July 2019

Complainy Complainersons

If you don't mind me complaining for a minute here... which, let's be real, even if you do, it's too late, this is already written and published and hey, I think I still can count on one hand how many folks actually read here on a day to day so HI!... I'm a little frustrated about something out of my control.

(Yes, I know, most things are out of my control, but bear with me here!)

Our building's windows get professionally cleaned a few times a year.  We always (except for that one time so "almost always" is more accurate) get a notice telling us that they'll be here in a few days and to please remove any screens and have the windows down.

Well, this time, they've told us that the window cleaners will be here for TWO days potentially between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. and so they want us to have our windows closed during that time.

You know... in July.  When it's hot.  And any little breeze helps!

Le sigh.

I have no idea why two days this time, but my guess is that the window cleaners said "hey, we'll either be there Tuesday or Wednesday depending" and the person booking didn't or wasn't able to get a more detailed time.

I'm kind of annoyed.  Or pretty annoyed, depending on how the weather goes on whatever day they do manage to get here.

I think I'm annoyed because I've been home on a day they've cleaned before and assuming it's the same company it really doesn't take them all that long at all, so I just wish someone could be a little more specific with the time they'll be here.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to tell once they've done my windows and can open them back up again.  Otherwise it might be a stuffy two days!

Friday, 5 July 2019

Lull?

I am in what feels like a major creative lull.... artistically speaking.

For a while (a year or two?) I was making a digital piece (of art) every day.  Sometimes a couple a day, or a couple of variations.  I'd share them all, even the pieces I didn't like or felt weren't that great.  And then, for reasons I can either no longer remember, or for no reason at all, I just stopped.

Maybe I was letting myself off of a hook of "have to" (I used to run into that with the 365 photo project) or who knows, but I haven't picked up the tablet in ages.  (Gotta be at least a month.  Maybe two.)  I know I went through a very difficult time in early Spring (that, no, I haven't written about yet) and when someone asked why I hadn't put any new art out in a while I responded, quite honestly, that I needed some down time for myself.

I've also been struggling with wanting to get better at certain things (realism, for example) and not feeling like I have the motivation to just hack away at it. 

I also get discouraged by all the amazing artists I follow on social media (Instagram mainly).  It's like I look and go WOW, followed by "ugh, I don't have that ability right now/yet/anymore."  So often I get discouraged by wanting to do a style different from what comes easily to me and how many talented folks are out there creating that art... and it seems unreachable.

(Yeah, social media is a killer for a lot of positive feelings, it really is.)

I did psych myself up and finish a piece (a physical piece) that I started about six months ago.  I was happy about that for a moment, and then I just got down about the fact that I'm really not any good at selling, so it will likely just sit taking up space in my place for an unknown amount of time.  But hey, at least it was then able to be moved from my table to a couch to finish "drying".  (It's oil based so will be a long while to cure...)

I think I stymied myself at the start of this year by spending a lot of winter trying to sort out what kind of online space I could afford to use as a sales platform.  Budget wise?  Not really any of them, fit into the limited budget I'm currently working within... and something about stressing about that and the expense and the time and effort involved and, of course, the potential of it not being a good use of money (ie a "failure") really sort of made me feel like not wanting to try.  At all.

Self sabotage maybe?  Or "can't fail if don't ever try"?  Or just too many "what ifs"?  I don't know.  All of the above?  Everything?  Timing?  Life?  Mental health? 

It'll come.  It usually does.  But if this is a lull, it's not a fun place to be in right now... I hope I can break myself out soon.  Or break through whatever it is I'm hiding behind.

Or something.

Thursday, 4 July 2019

Posts

I've been trying to write and post more, but I have found more than a couple of stumbling blocks.

One that I've mentioned is that I got out of the habit.  And because my routines have changed somewhat, I'm not always around on a weekend afternoon/evening to sit and write (which is what I did for years.)

Another is that I often don't know what to talk about because I restricted myself in at least one giant area when I started blogging (work) and when I got sick, I restricted myself doubly because being sick affected work and Jason told me it was maybe best to be over cautious and not blog about it in case "someone who shouldn't" read it... or something... I forget, I just know that all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't write about ANYTHING that was actually going on in case "Bad Things" happened.  (Spoiler... when you have anxiety like I am currently dealing with, Bad Things are seemingly always just about to happen.  DID I MENTION THE SKY IS FALLING CHICKEN LITTLE?)

But what I've noticed, as I try to push myself this last while and to get back into a routine, is just how extremely difficult, and at times even impossible, it is to write while I am dealing with anxiety.  So, if, for example, like last weekend, I put aside some time to write, if during that time my anxiety is high or I'm having a panic attack or just a hard time of it, to sit and write about that anxiety actually makes it worse.  Which then means I will actually start to get more anxious because "I'm supposed to be writing a bunch of posts" and "now there won't be any" or "I'm going to write a lame one and do the rest tomorrow once I'm calmer" but then life happens and I don't have time the next day and so on...

As I sit here right now (ok, technically I'm lying or lounging on my couch!) it's the Monday night of the Canada Day long weekend and I got through some events and things that I was really anxious about so I'm pretty calm.  And I'm trying to take some time while I'm calm to type out a few posts. 

Doesn't mean I have the inspiration, or that any of the "blog post idea" notes I left for myself make any sense like... "Spring-sun"... um.. ok.  It got sunny and it's Spring?  I like the sun in Spring?  Spring sun is warm but not hot?  I dunno, but I'm crossing it off the list now, if only because it's Summer! (And lord I love these long days so so so so much...)

Hoping to find myself more able to jump over said stumbling blocks as time goes on and my desire to get back to more real and honest sharing comes back.

Wednesday, 3 July 2019

Bedtime

I have some medications and supplements that I take at night and I have a routine to help me remember if I have or haven't. 

So there are some I take "at night" and then another two right before I go to bed.  So when I take the first round, I put the second ones out on the counter and it's my signal to myself that I've taken one and not yet the other.

I was thinking about it the other day and putting myself down with some of the mean things I've heard people say about/to themselves or others (using the term OCD improperly for example) and I went no, you know what?  It's actually clever and it works for me and keeps me calm rather than me spending what's supposed to be my "calm down" time of night going, "Did I?  Didn't I?"  I just... it's clear.

I'm sure when I thought of this as a post I had something a lot more interesting to say about it.  But I suppose my summary is that my routines like this help me mentally relax because I don't have to worry about if I've done the thing or not, I have visual markers to show me, yay!
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2019 and then some.) Kay? Kay.