Thursday, 5 December 2019

To Take A Breath

My friend who was diagnosed with cancer has just let me know that some of their post surgery results came back with better news rather than the bad news.  (I know that doesn't quite make sense but you can't really say "good" news, so it's like... not bad bad, it's hopefully good and certainly gooder than the worst case... plus I may have had a little drink to celebrate so, whoops, sorry for the not making sense!)

I feel like I can maybe let out a breath that I've apparently been holding for a while now. 

And I'm sure my friend is feeling the same.  They said today that all the sleep they've not been having feels like it's suddenly all arriving at once.

So, keep not taking things for granted, ok? 


Wednesday, 4 December 2019

I Noticed A Thing

One thing that I have always done at this time of year, no matter how I've felt about the specifics of this time of year, is I've always had a chocolate advent calendar.

You know the ones I mean?  A Christmas-y scene with 24 (or is it 25?  I'd have to get up and look) little doors that you open on each day and there's a little shaped chocolate inside.  It has always been one of my favourite things... just think, a treat every day!  Awesome!

This year though I couldn't find the usual ones.  I could find a lot of pricey ones mind you... twelve to twenty bucks for "fancy" chocolate or even cheeses or other non chocolate things, but I could not find the cheap, barely actually chocolate ones. 

As we got to the end of November, I asked C-Dawg if she'd seen any and she actually texted on the 30th letting me know that one store by the mall had them so I went and got myself some but there were none in any of my regular locations.  The grocery store only had expensive ones.  London Drugs only had expensive ones.  It's almost as if they either sold out in early November, which, I suppose is possible, but I was looking out for them as soon as the Christmas decorations started going up, or as if the stores didn't bring them in this year.

If I knew the company that usually makes them I'd look them up and see but y'all, it was weird!  The ones I did get will suffice, but they're not the ones I'm used to and I'm sort of wondering if anyone else noticed this missing or if it was just me or what on earth it was?

Tuesday, 3 December 2019

Trying Something New

I started trying intermittent fasting a couple of weeks ago, and it's interesting.

It basically means I'm trying to finish eating for the day around 7:30 pm and then not starting to eat for the day the next day until around 11:30 am.

I've noticed a few interesting things, other than the obvious adjustment discomfort (OMG I'M SO HUNGRY... well, ok that passed... hmmm) period.

I'm not ready to declare this yet, it's still just a few weeks in, but so far, not eating right off in the morning seems to have meant I've not yet had any really bad stomach mornings.  Like I say, it could just be coincidence, but I'm... curious!

I've also adjusted pretty well I think, and I've lost the few extra pounds that had slid on these last stressful couple of months.  The few things I notice are what I'm coming to call "habit eating."  Like, waking up on a Saturday morning and thinking "ahhh, time for tea and a yummy breakfast" and just wanting to sit and relax, and then realizing it'll be a few hours and that's a strange feeling - to know that there are eating "feelings" that aren't actually to do with hunger.  Like, I was over at Jason's the other night, and we watched some show and I got home and wanted cereal.... because that's what I've always done when I get home later at night.  Hmmm.

It's also meant adjusting when I take my "morning" and "evening" meds.  So now I have a backup bottle with me of my "night time" meds (since I'm one of those people who has to chew food to hide the pill in to swallow it and that would technically break the fast) if I'm eating over at Jason's, and I'll have to play it by ear if and when I eat elsewhere or out with friends or what have you, and I'm hoping my body is ok with my morning meds coming a few hours later (they're meds I've been taking since I was a kid, and so I'll check my [thyroid] levels in a few months but right now they're fine) but yeah... I'm really curious to see if this helps my semi-regular "stomach is awful" mornings.  It might not, but we shall see, eh?

It is a little stressful in the evenings to have a cut off time, especially when say Jason is cooking and I'm clock watching and thinking about the number of hours before I will eat again and how I'd like that to not be so late in the "morning" etc etc.  I'm not sure how it will go once I'm more active again in the mornings (more regular schedule) or on days when I have to be somewhere at the time I'm having "breakfast" (break.... fast!) or what about the days Jason and I go for a drive and are on the road from ten til seven... hmmm... things to consider.

I suppose I'll figure these things out and will hopefully be able to give myself leeway when circumstances dictate, but for now, it's interesting, and I can work with it, so I'm giving it a go.  So far no ill side effects that I know of, which is great, and potentially even some positive effects that I'm still watching out for!

Oh and one other thing that might just be co-incidence... I might be less hungry?  Hard to tell cuz I'm having a not so healthy eating week but, yeah... it's... weird, that's for sure!

Monday, 2 December 2019


Wow.  I just had no idea how to type that word.  "12th"  My brain really really wanted to use a V, but then it wasn't right and I just couldn't figure out what it was supposed to be and wow... that was... hard.  To just have a blank like that.  Yikes.


Here was are in the uh... twelfth (not twelvth) month (also how is "twelfth" an actual word omg?)  I swear I'm hardly used to it being this year and now apparently we're at the end of it.

Which, also, for many of us, means a potentially stressful few weeks are either happening or about to happen.  I hope you have an easy month, whatever it brings you.

We're just ending a cold snap here, no snow, but chilly temperatures and my first experience of a frosted over car.

Which is when I discovered my windshield fluid was not winter friendly... as I watched it just re freeze over and over as I tried to clear my windshield!  So, now I have winter friendly stuff in there, which, of course, means it got milder!  You're welcome!

So, anyway, happy December... only about twenty days til the days start getting longer again... we can do this, y'all!  Even if it currently gets dark before dinner... yikes.

Thursday, 28 November 2019

Taking The Hits So You Don't Have To

There's a moment, just so you know, after you flip the egg too aggressively where it splats onto your stove (but luckily not the element) where you just stare at it... all splatted out there, half cooked, looking actually quite edible, on your stove top.

And the thought that goes with that moment, just so you know, is "huh".

Now that I've done that, you don't have to, and you're welcome.

Wednesday, 27 November 2019


Jason and I have been re-watching the tv show Dexter.  We've both seen it already, but we sometimes have a hard time picking something to watch that we both want to watch and we were both ok with giving Dexter another run through.  (I mean, it's not exactly light viewing... being about a murderer and all... I'll say no more in case you want to watch it some day.)

I've always wondered about the book the tv show came from, and I finally got my hands on it and the funniest things are happening. 

So, I read before bed, yes?  So I'm reading Dexter, and it's not 100% the same as the show but it's close enough, but the first few nights I was reading it I'd close my eyes and "see" what I'd just read, but kind of like my mind was replaying the tv version, which is funny because I don't see the tv version when I'm reading...

And then the other night Jason and I had watched an episode where Dexter's sister asked him if he wanted to go for lunch and he said no (I think he was avoiding her or something?) and then in the book that night she asked him to go for lunch and I was like "but she just asked and he... oh... wait..."

So, yeah, it's a funny thing to be reading about characters while watching a version of them, but "later" in the story line, on tv.  My brain's doing the best it can!

Tuesday, 26 November 2019

So Cute!

I know someone who is a birder, so as a hobby they watch birds, or look for birds or however it exactly works, but this person likes birds; especially owls.

They also have a little dog, and when I went over there the other day this person told me I had to see the cutest thing...

So someone bought them a fake owl.  Like it's not a stuffed taxidermy owl, but it's not a toy stuffed animal owl either, it's sort of in between.  So it's a fake owl, but it looks kind of real.

Real enough, apparently that some instinct in the little dog's brain has been set off!  I got to witness the dog sitting and staring at the owl, which was cute enough, but the owl had been put on a low shelf and the dog went over and sniffed it's butt!  It was so cute.  The dog seemed genuinely confused as to why there was no animal smell when this was clearly an animal!

Maybe you had to be there, but yeah.... cute.  (A little bit odd and interesting perhaps but still)

Monday, 25 November 2019


Someone asked me to help them clean up some potentially not healthy stuff this weekend (think
grimy, dusty sort of stuff) and they said "bring gloves if you have them", so I (with some glee!) went into my box of Burning Man gear and pulled out my Burning Man dust mask and my Burning Man gloves and even my Burning Man goggles!  And I helped, but I was also protected and it was kind of fun to be like "hey, I actually have stuff that can be useful in this kind of situations!"

I know there's probably gear that's better suited or something but I was just happy and I felt useful and those are nice things to feel, yay.

(Oh, as a bonus? last night when I went to bed I could smell playa dust just a little)

Friday, 22 November 2019

Bodies are So Weird! Also, WHY?

So in the ongoing saga of "why my body do dat?" I was sitting there last night on my couch as always, when I got up to get a drink of water.

Or, what I should say is I got up to attempt to get a drink of water because my right hip went NO!

And then I swear it started laughing hysterically.

So, really, I swear, out of nowhere, because I wasn't sitting oddly, I hadn't been doing funky stretches or anything, so just out of nowhere my hip hurt.

Like, actually sore to touch kind of hurt and it was hard to hobble to the kitchen and back and I was like what the actual eff is going on here?

So I got some, whatever you call it, pain relief cream and I rubbed that on (going "ow, ow" the whole time) and then I stuck my hot water bottle on the hip and knock on wood it's ok this morning?

But I'll be taking it easy on things just in case because if something somehow decided to be irritated or swollen or WHATEVER! I do want it to get to rest.

But geez... really?  Why???

(It'd be a lot easier if I could trace it to something, just saying!)

Thursday, 21 November 2019


I'm loathe to admit it but next week is the last week of November, a month that I'm pretty sure has just started.... last week?

I saw someone the other day say that "at least the days start getting longer this week" and I didn't want to break their heart, but no, we're not at that point yet, although it is only a month away and this month flew by so, hey, who knows?

I also know I got thrown off by the long weekend, since the Monday was a holiday and the rest of that week was all wonky, and then this week I had a very stressful thing and now I'm all, what day is it? sort of feeling too.

In other news, our building management doesn't seem concerned by the break-ins and seems to feel it was a "one off".... which... I certainly hope so?

I realized a few other things that were in my "travel bag" that are now gone and I'm extra bummed about those too as I'd only just popped them in there "in case of emergency" (a folding knife and a fire starter kit).  I still think there should be a place where "bad guys" leave the things they don't want or don't want to sell so that people like me can get their grocery bags back and so on?  Please?

Like, I'm kind of ok with my GPS getting stolen because that makes sense to me... it's an electronic, but so many of the other things were really just grabbed and so I think they should come back.  Blah.

Anyway.  Just... filling blank internet space with words typed out by fingers who seem to know what they're doing unless I think too much about it and get weirded out like, hey, now!

Wednesday, 20 November 2019


I'm going to try to be more neutral about the onslaught of ALL THINGS CHRISTMAS this year.

It's been bothering me for a few years now, probably longer than "a few" if I'm honest, and the last chunk of years it's really really gotten to me.  I've probably talked about why, but it's been part of what makes this time of year generally not my favourite.

So I thought that this year I'd try to, if not ignore it, at least not engage with it.  Not in that negative "I wish it were different" way anyway.

There are things about what goes on at this time of year that I will look to enjoy and I hope that my attempts at "not hating" it all will give me a little more peace than the last few years.

Tuesday, 19 November 2019

Oh, Life

I often find myself thinking that when I try to sit down to write a post and then I inevitably start singing "Losing my Religion" by REM because, reasons.


I was going to say something about how my life isn't what I thought it would be, but I think I passed that notion a good decade or two back when I realized that being whatever age wasn't what I thought it would be like when I was a kid.  Twenty five, when I was a little one, seemed so very adult.  Married, children, house, all of that.  And, well, no.  (Perhaps for my parents' generation, but not for mine.)

And as I was sitting here mulling these random thoughts over in my head I found myself wondering if anyone really thinks "this is the life I thought I'd have"?  Or are we all a bit mystified by this, that, or the other?

Maybe there are folks for whom there life is very much what they'd expected or even hoped for. 

But I often suspect, of late, that many "adults" are sitting here going... what?

That could just be me... and the folks I talk to though...

Monday, 18 November 2019

Life Imitates Art (The Dream Version!)

Well, actually, what I mean is "Dreams Imitate Life" because that is exactly what happened the other "morning"!

Friday of last week, I had a hair cut appointment and it was at the end of a day where all the errands I'd run ended up being bunk.... as in, they didn't have whatever it was I was looking for kind of thing.  So I head to my hair cut place and.... it looks wrong?  As in, one of the signs is still there but the windows are covered up and the door is locked and... uh oh... I think she might have moved...

So I texted and called, knowing that she was likely not going to answer right away and I sat in my car fighting the urge to go home to cry (what, it happens!) and she got back to me with a "sorry!" and yes, she'd moved back to where she used to be, not all that far from where I was so it all worked out just fine.  Phew.

But I tell you this to set you up with background for the dream I had the next day!

See, the next day, I had an appointment to get my eyes dilated.  And that morning, I had a dream where I drove to a "medical" appointment with a "specialist" I'd not seen before, and in the dream I drove to where my actual dentist is, but it was closed and so I didn't know what to do to figure out where I was supposed to be.

It was a stressful dream of course but it was also funny because I woke up and was like "well that dream totally made sense!"  It combined what had actually happened (with the hairdresser moving and me not knowing where) and what was going to happen (a medical appointment that day) and poof!  Dream!

I just thought it was kind of funny to have a stress dream that was so clearly related to what was going on, vs some of them where I'm like... what?

Saturday, 16 November 2019


Sometimes I'm not entirely sure why my anxiety seems to suddenly skyrocket.

I'll give you an example.

Last weekend, I contacted the local police department (via email) to ask them a few questions.  I was wondering about when to call 911 and if they had any other advice for making my area less appealing to... not so good people.

They got back to me that they were closed for the weekend but that someone would get in touch with me about Block Watch.

So I looked into Block Watch and it mentioned "block captains" and how they are the liaison and canvass other neighbours to see if they want to join and I had a panic attack.

Because I don't want to do that.  Now, even at the time there is at least a part of me that is aware that I don't HAVE to do that, that no one has asked me to, and that nothing *bad* will happen if I don't.  But it's like my body (mind?) have already spun out of control and I'm dealing with this intense anxiety and it feels horrible and I just don't want to be feeling like that.

Happily for me, these things are less intense than when I first started getting them and they pass in about an hour now (rather than two or more) and when they do pass I'm generally ok (I used to have to sleep for a while to recover).  So I do see progress.  It just still sucks when it happens.

Friday, 15 November 2019

Take Your Time Buddy!

The plus side of the horrible car sickness the other day was that at a certain point on the drive, while I was focussing on surviving Jason said "THERE'S A BEAR!"  And sure enough, there was a black bear just strolling across the road ahead.

I wanted to drive right up and, I dunno, see it?  Resist the urge to hug it?

I was surprised at how slowly (casually?) it was sauntering across the road, just like... do do do.... Jason said they only move fast when they have to or want to but I don't know why that struck me as so interesting.  Like I just kept saying "he just... strolled along like that!"

We also saw an eagle sitting sunning itself and I also heard a bird making a weird noise that I couldn't identify and when I went looking for it it was a chipmunk! so... nature is awesome (but that drive wasn't)

It's only the second time I've ever seen a bear in my life, which Jason thinks is surprising.  Both times it was similar... the bear up ahead crossing the road.  And, I suppose, in vaguely familiar parts of the Island.  It was cool though, although I would have loved to get closer, while knowing that that's not really realistic.

I've seen the photos from the guy who goes and sits at a certain river in salmon season to photograph the grizzlies and they just ignore him, and, well I don't think that's something I'm ready for, but I would have liked to have seen this black bear up close (or at least have had my glasses on, d'oh!)

Nature is cool, yo!
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