Saturday, 22 November 2014

It's the Brotherly Interaction That Gets Me

Well, since that video gone done broke... anyone have anything they'd like me to babble about this week?

Friday, 21 November 2014


So I totally had a post or two in my brain to write and since I've just sat down to write them... of course they're gone... Sigh.

So here's a random update instead!

I bawled my eyes out at the final episode of The O.C. last night.  Yes, that O.C.  I was watching it again as a mind mellowing zone out show and, well, the last episode of any series usually gets me because I know the actors were probably crying and upset about it all too.  But, yeah, tears.

I've managed to make "pan" popcorn a few times now, it was much easier than I thought.  It's not completely flavourless, but it's not... you know, butter and salty either.  A decent compromise?  We shall see.

Still hanging in at Boot Camp, figure I'm getting stronger because I'm up a couple of hand weight weights and don't seem to be dying although I am trying hard.  I never want to go though.  It's not as if the day of Boot Camp I'm like yay!  Well, sometimes I am, but then by the end of the day I do not want to go.  This is why it's good for me to have a buddy to go with.  I wouldn't be going if C-Dawg weren't going too.

Did I mention C-Dawg got engaged?  I can't remember.  But she did.  They did.  Summer wedding!  She's promised no high heels.  Amen.

Also, C-Dawg's flu shot didn't hurt her at all.  Crazy... but at least now I have some idea why!  Lucky dawg.  (Heh... I made a funny.)

Our town's mini cold snap is over, a co-worker and his wife had a baby, I keep thinking about Jay lately (it's about a year since we broke up for the final time), and trying to keep myself from worrying about how Burning Man will all work out this year.  Things are pretty decent with Jason and I right now, we seem to have made it through another really bad patch.  Facebook is still the devil's work...  Christmas lights are springing up all over... time for me to stay out of the malls.

But, as someone pointed out, it's not too long before the days, techinically, start getting longer again.  Yay!

Oh, and I upgraded to Yosemite and am trying to figure that all out, plus my sonicare needs recharging every couple of days now and I can't really afford a replacement right now so I'm just putting up with more regular recharging.

Finally (I think) energy wise, I realized I'd not been consistent with taking my B12 (I have droplets, the shots hurt too much and the vitamins disagree with me) and I've been taking that daily and I really think it has helped my energy and maybe even my mood.  Plus, I'd not been doing my mindfulness/meditation and I got myself back on track with that this week and while I do think it helps I can't find anything it makes worse other than taking twenty minutes of my time to do.

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Things That Make Things Not Worse

Things that make things
not worse -
for hours on the phone
about everything

ending up
at a beautiful sunset

a hug
from a three year old

making dinner together
in my
warm kitchen

watching the Simpsons
my head
on his shoulder

back rub
and me
and holding him
and letting some of it go

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

T for Two (A Poem for J)

There was a punching bag with your name on it tonight
well, ok, not literally
it wasn't my bag to write on after all but you get the idea...
me, punching away at that bag
punching any anger I had into the bag and it wasn't too long before your name came up

Your name
and the fact that you never said thank you
and never tried to help
just used and took
and didn't even see it as that

And I'm not mad at myself
because I have a good heart
and I wanted to give
and care
and nurture
and love
and it's you I was punching that bag about

because you used me
and my generosity
and saw no reason not to
and gave no apologies when I called foul
had no grace or gratitude
just puppy dog eyes
holding me tight
after you were sated
never mind how I might feel

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Down With The Man, Man!

It's a long, not necessarily interesting story that involves my strong dislike of being tracked and advertised to and an amazing Sociology professor and how much a lot of internet advertising weirds me out.

You see, I opt out of getting flyers and junk mail, I've opted out of whatchamacallit phone calls and I just now discovered I can opt out of some ad customization (fancy term) online.   You know, the type of ads where you check something on amazon and then all of a sudden ads appear on other pages for the same thing and you're like... excuuuuse me?  So I'm adjusting my tin-foil hat and other cliches and sending my fellow Canadians the same choice...

Not saying it's bothering you too, but... why make it easy on them, eh?  I prefer to be less trackable and I know the internet doesn't really work that way but still... if they're giving me an opt out option, you bet I'm using it!

PS  I'm registered on the Do Not Call List (telemarketers) until 2021 now!  Woot!

Monday, 17 November 2014


I had two shots last week.

One was the flu shot, given by my doctor, the other was my booster for tetanus, diptheria and pertussus (needed every ten years, btw, public service announcement, you're welcome) given by a nurse in the pharmacy/shot clinic thingamy.

Here's what's weird.  The flu shot?  Hurt like a sunofagun.  For a couple of days.  Like not comfortable.  Owie owie, ow.

The other shot?  Not so much.  Not going in, not after, I mean, sure, it was tender and I could tell it was there and it wasn't comfortable but it hurt much much less than the flu shot had.  And I could feel the shot hurting when I turned my arm certain ways, like the actual muscle that had been... injected into hurt or something.

Is there a reason for this?  For one to hurt less than the other?  I'm not sure, but you can bet I'm going to google it and see!

And yeah, I'm happy to say I should be good to step on a rusty nail for the next ten years.

Not that I want to or anything... just saying.

Saturday, 15 November 2014


The day off this week was lovely, but I'm still very very happy it's the weekend.


Friday, 14 November 2014


I am not a fan of scented things.

Products, I should say.... or people, really.

Like, I can't handle it if a woman is wearing perfume.  Not a fan of a guy with a lot of cologne either, although it's somewhat easier to handle than perfume.

But scented household products?  Not my thing.

Like, my laundry detergent?  Has to be unscented. Why would I want my laundry to smell like something?  I'm washing it.

Scents just smell overwhelming to me.  And annoying.

I bought some Swiffer refills the other day, opened up the box and WHIFF.  I hadn't noticed I'd accidentally picked up a box of something or other orange scented Swiffer things.  WHY?  I JUST WANT MY FLOOR TO BE CLEAN!  CLEAN DOESN'T HAVE A SMELL!

Now, that's not to say I like everything to be unscented.

I discovered this when my brother told me about an unscented shampoo and conditioner he loves.  He got me a mini bottle of each and... it's weird.

I can't get over my shampoo not having a nice, mild, fruity scent to it.  (I don't like the brand name stinky ones, but go for more natural ones, or AG or other "salon" type ones.)  I don't mind a bit of a smell to my hair products because I expect it.  And they're not overwhelming to me, probably because I choose the scent.  (I did have a counsellor once who was extremely scent sensitive and some shampoos she just couldn't be around the person for the session.)

So yeah... I don't like household products with scent.  It weirds me out and my nose doesn't like it.  It annoys me.  Because now I just smell chemical smells... I just want my laundry and my bathroom to be clean.  Not "seabreeze" scentedly clean.

Thursday, 13 November 2014

No Night Night

Speaking of poetry and writing, I've found that a lot of times my brain starts to write (it just does that sometimes, starts writing in my head) at times that aren't actually conducive to writing.

Most commonly?  When I'm in bed, reading a book, about to go to sleep.

In fact, that's when this blog was started (back in the 1800s).  Me, lying in bed, reading, about to go to sleep.

I've lost a lot of writing by lying there, saying it over and over in my head and convincing myself I'll still remember it in the morning.


Sometimes I'll force myself to get up and get the computer and type it out, but other times I know that that's going to make it another hour or two before I do sleep and on the days where I have to work in the morning... well, sometimes sleep is a very valuable commodity.

I do have a pen and paper in my drawer next to my bed but I write slower than I type and so sometimes things even get lost that way.  (My brain seems to have converted to typing for writing... and it's weird that someone just showed me "dictation" for text messaging... it doesn't seem easier to me...yet?)

I've also lost a few poems while walking or something.  Again, those moments when I tell myself I'll remember it and then get distracted by something and get home just in time to remember I've forgotten something.

It'll even happen when I'm blogging.

I'll have an idea for a post, go find a photo to match with the post and by the time I've set up the photo the post is gone.

And sometimes when I have the time to sit down and write, there's nothing there that wants to come out.

I know a lot of writers say that they have scheduled writing time no matter what.  I don't have that daily, but I do have a habit of sitting down to write for an extended period of time on days off (weekends usually, or the occasional holiday) and so I do have that time period.  Except for the moments when I try that and nothing's there to be said.

Writing's a funny thing.  Takes no time at all to read what has taken a lot of time to write.

And for me, the things I write that seem to connect most to people are the things I've written when I'm very much being open in how I'm feeling, and that's not always an easy thing to do.

Ah well.  The sun is shining, Fall is here, and it's Wednesday.

Plus, I'm not trying to sleep as I'm writing this, so it's all good!

Wednesday, 12 November 2014


Not exactly in a "need more sleep" kind of way but a "it's a rough time" kind of way.

I keep thinking (well, this last week or so) that I should go ahead and share some of my poetry kind of writing here, but then that seems weird, because I don't do that here.  This has always just sort of been my babbling spot.  Like, actual diary kind of stuff where I don't think, just write.  I guess it just feels odd to consider "writing" here in any sort of different way.

Got my flu shot Monday, maybe that's adding to the tired a little... also got a prescription for my tetanus/pertussus/I forget what elseus.  Putting it out as a reminder that you need to update those there vaccinations every ten years.  I was bitten by a squirrel ten years ago so I have my reminder date quite handily.  (What? I wanted to pet it... it thought I was feeding it... chomp, ouch, shots.)  Actually, now that I think of it, it probably wasn't a tetanus shot I got at that time, it was probably rabies...but...oh well.  I think I'll wait a while before I slam my arm and body with another shot or so though.

Cold and sunny here right now.  I'll take the cold that brings the sun any day. 

Made the leaves on the ground go all dry and crispy.

Tuesday, 11 November 2014


Today, especially, my thoughts and thanks go out to the brave soldiers who fought for others in World War One.

I will never forget travelling to Vimy ridge and feeling the power of the loss and sacrifice there.

Nor will I ever forget how we, as visiting Canadians, were treated there.  Again, in memory and thanks for the sacrifices made.

Remembering all those who died.

Thank you.

Monday, 10 November 2014

Middle of it All

I've been at a loss for quite what to talk about/write here for a couple of weeks now.  I don't know if it's writer's block or some combination of writer's block and the fact that I'm feeling like I'm just holding back a major catastrophe in my mind.

Jason's situation is bad.  And while I'm trying to tell myself that things are starting to improve, it's the same as the short days... yes, I know the days will get longer, but it feels like an awfully long time until we get there... and I need to keep myself together until we do.

To have a partner (even a strange sort of situation technically ex partner?) who is going through extraordinarily tough times is really really hard.  Because it's not just helping someone, it's also losing the person who is usually the one you talk to, the one who supports you.  So it's three times the effort.  You're taking care of them, yourself, and you can't share the burden.

I wish I felt I could lay it all out on the line for you... write it all out in black and white but I can't.  Or maybe I just don't want to because of all the judgement that I'd have to wade through.  I know where I'm screwing myself over.  I know I deserve "better" and all the rest of the platitudes so I don't want to hear the errors of my ways.

I just want a little bit more of the guy back that I started dating way back in January/February.  I want a partner in this sh*t storm.  Because it's fucking exhausting rowing the boat while bailing it out while steering through the waves and trying not to get sea sick.  And if I jump out of the boat to swim myself to safety, someone else is most likely just going to die at sea.

And I don't have it in me to be that callous.

Saturday, 8 November 2014


Why is it that sleeping in in the morning or falling asleep during a nap feel so different from falling asleep at night?

Friday, 7 November 2014

The Chip Fiasco

So my logic was this...

I often feel like a salty snack treat and have been making air popped popcorn when I do.  But that involves a fair amount of butter (it just does!) and so I thought to myself that maybe it would be somehow... healthier if I bought chips instead.

So I bought a mini bag of "healthy" chips from a local company and then a bag from a UK company and then I did it again, rinse and repeat until I started craving chips and buying big bags when I couldn't find the small bags.

And then I started going through a big bag in a day and...well... I stopped.

Told myself that Halloween was my last day of chips.

But... does anyone actually know if my buttery buttery popcorn is "better" for me or if my chippy Mc Chippersons are?

I'm sure the answer is "neither" but...

I don't know.  I'm not buying chips anyway, but I think I'm somewhat curious.

Suppose I could just google it...

Google says popcorn, but... I don't think they're talking about popcorn with delicious delicious butter.

Thursday, 6 November 2014

So, Yeah

So I was on my way home from Boot Camp last night (because yeah, still going, still coping, moved up a set of hand weights) and I had this whole awesome post half written in my head and it was pretty amusing and then by the time I got home (because I have to drive home from C-Dawg's house as she drives us out to the place) it was utterly gone from my mind.

So you, my dears, get this fantastic post instead! YEAH!

Um... Mom said the bites are just bites and didn't seem worried, but did tell me I HAVE to get my flu shot.  (I've been debating not getting it this year as I had it last year and still got mega sick and she said that I would have gotten even sicker so flu shot, blah)

I promised myself I wouldn't whine to you guys about the time change this year but man oh man is it ever dark.  I do get bummed about the fact that I have short, dark days to face for a while now.

Oh, I pulled something at Boot Camp last night.  Am hoping it was just a minor thing and doesn't turn into anything more but yeah...

Ok.  Not the post I'd intended but a post nonetheless.

Have a good day y'all!
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2014 and then some.) Kay? Kay.