My Saturday was a little rough you guys.
Or maybe a lot rough, I'm not sure... I think it was probably a lot rough at the time.
Jason and I were going to hang out but he never got back to me after a morning text of "I'll call you once I'm done" and as I'd already had a stressful week, I found this very upsetting.
I was exhausted from the week and actually went to bed really early and turned the lights out by eight.
I was sleepy but my mind wouldn't shut down and the thoughts it was having were just stressing me out so I got up.
Checked my phone to see if Jason had texted and maybe apologized and he hadn't but Jay had.
Yep. Jay. He'd sent me a random video he thought I'd like and I sent him back a thank you text.
And then we started text chatting a bit. He's back doing what he did when we first "met" and so is halfway around the world again and he said something about how he thinks of me sometimes and I said I missed his energy because I do.
And then he asked how I was doing and I said it was a bit rough right now and so I told him a bit about that and then he told me how happy he is.
And how he's so happy to finally be in love again. So in love. With the love of his life. Who really gets him and lets him be him.
Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch.
It just felt like getting kicked in the gut. Not that he's happy, but that this fellow who told me he'd never actually been in love with me is now SO happy to FINALLY be in love. Ouch.
We talked a bit more about how he's missing being away from her and I wished him well and told him I was sure they'd figure it all out but the whole conversation messed me up.
I do miss his energy. But not the relationship. Not how I felt, especially at the end. And I don't miss how he treated me or to even use his own words "wasn't able to give me emotional security."
Or much of anything other than really good hugs.
Which I needed after that conversation. Big time.
I got some Sunday, when Jason called and apologized for flaking out and we hung out for a bit and he listened while I cried about how stressed I was and how talking with Jay had really hurt and Jason's a really good listener and good at being supportive but neutral if that makes sense... like he doesn't just trash the other person, he points out how he sees it and supports me and, well, honestly? I really appreciate someone I can absolutely break down with and they'll listen and talk me through it.
So... not the best Saturday... but this is a new week and it's still sunny for now and these longer days are really really nice. You know?