Thursday, 27 November 2014

Side Effects

So my doctor gave me this medication to help something get better and I do think it's helping that thing get better but I'm probably going to stop using it because it's also making that thing worse in a totally different way!!!!

I googled it, and it turns out that this is a side effect of the thing that sometimes happens and yeah, all you can do is stop using the thing... which.. hello?

Plus, I think it's one of those medications that they accidentally found could be used for what I'm using it for but is actually meant for a totally different thing altogether.

Stuff's weird, yo.

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Oh Yeah!

I have no idea exactly what triggered this memory, but I've just remembered a silly little story from Burning Man.

This summer, two or three weeks before we were going to be leaving (and before we even had an actual ticket for Connor!) I was downtown at one of those street fair festival type things.  There was this booth that was selling these t-shirts that had sound activated light up patterns on them.

For example, there might be a skull and it would have eyes that would glow in the same manner as the music you were playing or listening to. 

There were swirly patterns and the one I liked that looked a bit like a sound display from those fancy old stereo systems.

The t-shirt wasn't terribly expensive and I thought it'd be really fun to wear at night around Burning Man, what with it being lights and there always being sound or noise around.

Most nights were still too warm for me to be in a tshirt but I finally pulled it out mid-week.  And that's when our hilarious (and tipsy) neighbours realized that they could talk to my boobs and make them light up.

Because of course, I hadn't thought of that.  Hadn't thought through that the glowing pattern design... on a girl... would be... you know... boob..ish.  And that silly drunk neighbours would find great amusement in sitting next to me and shouting at my boobs in order to make the shirt light up.

"HELLO!  VICTORIA'S BOOBS!  HELLO!!!"

It was funny and silly, but... I didn't wear the shirt out and about because I didn't feel like having strangers make my boobs light up.  Or talking to my chest area in general.

But it was a fun little while watching these fellows giddy with amusement over making my chest light up.

Oh boys... you never really grow up do you?

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

A Thing

I found myself grumbling the other day about all things Christmas and how I don't like this and that and I realized I didn't really want to spend the next month hating everything.

So even though Christmas has not been easy or fun for me the last while, I'm going to try to look for the good things around and about this December.

Like, the lights are pretty and help to brighten up the long evenings.

And... I do like that there are a bunch of songs that lots of people know and sing along to, that's a nice thing too.

And... that'll do for now I think.  It's a start, and even if that's all I remind myself of all season, that's ok.

Monday, 24 November 2014

Frustrating

I think I've noticed a pattern the last few weekends, but haven't really done much about it....

See, come weekends, I'm so happy to just sit and chill and relax.  And because of this sort of sense of ahhhhh, I'm generally not in the mood to cook.

So often, come Friday night I'm like, bah.. I don't want to pick up groceries on the way home I'll just have... popcorn... or something equally "easy" but, so not food or protein source or good.

And then that will sometimes repeat on Saturday and Sunday, where I'll have toast instead of my weekday breakfast, or I'll have breakfast and then just kind of snack and ooh popcorn would be a nice treat (I've stopped the chips issue at least) and then I find that on the weekends I'm all blah and lethargic and blue.

Um... hello?  Shouldn't take a genius to put together the two and two of eating poorly and feeling poorly.  Ugh.  And yet... so many times the "lazy"... the relaxing wins out.  Not all the time, mind, but I've had some pretty blah Saturdays that had no reason to be so blah.

I also (I think I mentioned) hadn't been doing my mindfulness/meditation.  Probably for a couple of months.  Maybe even when things got really hard with Jason and I?  I don't know, I just know I've been avoiding it or something.  So last week I made the time and like I said, it probably helped and certainly didn't hurt.

And then last night I didn't do it.  I don't know why... watched one too many shows or noodled around on the internet for an hour two long or something and then I just wanted to go to bed rather than spend another hour trying to calm my mind.  (Because it's not an easy process, it takes effort... even if it ends with a calmer me...)  And I didn't have a good time falling asleep.  Could be just coincidence, or it could be that I do actually sleep better when I've done mindfulness that evening.... certainly I'll be doing it tonight to see how my sleeping goes.

I've also had weird dreams these last few weeks... or month maybe, I'm not sure.  But, odd dreams that I want to remember but that slip away from me in the morning.  Slightly disturbing dreams, like Jason and I living near my parents and my parents witnessing him getting arrested because the sniffer dog (a beagle, go figure) was sent to find drugs in our house...  I remembered that one... it was from early this morning, and totally my fault for watching Sons of Anarchy before bed.  (We happened to "live" at the house where a gruesome scene in the episode took place...go figure.)

Anyway.  I'm frustrated with myself because I really like relaxing and not doing anything or having to do anything.  I even groaned Saturday morning when I realized I "had" to do laundry.  (Of course, I didn't have to do laundry, but it's the best, easiest time for me to do it... I just didn't want to.)

So I'm going to try to be more consistent with things I guess... because they do seem to help me feel better.

And I don't want to spend my down days feeling all blah.

Saturday, 22 November 2014

It's the Brotherly Interaction That Gets Me



Well, since that video gone done broke... anyone have anything they'd like me to babble about this week?

Friday, 21 November 2014

Uh...

So I totally had a post or two in my brain to write and since I've just sat down to write them... of course they're gone... Sigh.

So here's a random update instead!

I bawled my eyes out at the final episode of The O.C. last night.  Yes, that O.C.  I was watching it again as a mind mellowing zone out show and, well, the last episode of any series usually gets me because I know the actors were probably crying and upset about it all too.  But, yeah, tears.

I've managed to make "pan" popcorn a few times now, it was much easier than I thought.  It's not completely flavourless, but it's not... you know, butter and salty either.  A decent compromise?  We shall see.

Still hanging in at Boot Camp, figure I'm getting stronger because I'm up a couple of hand weight weights and don't seem to be dying although I am trying hard.  I never want to go though.  It's not as if the day of Boot Camp I'm like yay!  Well, sometimes I am, but then by the end of the day I do not want to go.  This is why it's good for me to have a buddy to go with.  I wouldn't be going if C-Dawg weren't going too.

Did I mention C-Dawg got engaged?  I can't remember.  But she did.  They did.  Summer wedding!  She's promised no high heels.  Amen.

Also, C-Dawg's flu shot didn't hurt her at all.  Crazy... but at least now I have some idea why!  Lucky dawg.  (Heh... I made a funny.)

Our town's mini cold snap is over, a co-worker and his wife had a baby, I keep thinking about Jay lately (it's about a year since we broke up for the final time), and trying to keep myself from worrying about how Burning Man will all work out this year.  Things are pretty decent with Jason and I right now, we seem to have made it through another really bad patch.  Facebook is still the devil's work...  Christmas lights are springing up all over... time for me to stay out of the malls.

But, as someone pointed out, it's not too long before the days, techinically, start getting longer again.  Yay!

Oh, and I upgraded to Yosemite and am trying to figure that all out, plus my sonicare needs recharging every couple of days now and I can't really afford a replacement right now so I'm just putting up with more regular recharging.

Finally (I think) energy wise, I realized I'd not been consistent with taking my B12 (I have droplets, the shots hurt too much and the vitamins disagree with me) and I've been taking that daily and I really think it has helped my energy and maybe even my mood.  Plus, I'd not been doing my mindfulness/meditation and I got myself back on track with that this week and while I do think it helps I can't find anything it makes worse other than taking twenty minutes of my time to do.

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Things That Make Things Not Worse

Things that make things
not worse -
talking
honestly
calmly
and
openly
for hours on the phone
about everything

driving
nowhere
and
ending up
at a beautiful sunset

a hug
from a three year old

making dinner together
in my
warm kitchen

watching the Simpsons
together
my head
on his shoulder

a
back rub
and me
crying
and holding him
and letting some of it go

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

T for Two (A Poem for J)


There was a punching bag with your name on it tonight
well, ok, not literally
it wasn't my bag to write on after all but you get the idea...
me, punching away at that bag
punching any anger I had into the bag and it wasn't too long before your name came up

Your name
and the fact that you never said thank you
and never tried to help
just used and took
and didn't even see it as that

And I'm not mad at myself
anymore
because I have a good heart
and I wanted to give
and care
and nurture
and love
and it's you I was punching that bag about

because you used me
and my generosity
and saw no reason not to
and gave no apologies when I called foul
had no grace or gratitude
just puppy dog eyes
and
holding me tight
after you were sated
never mind how I might feel

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Down With The Man, Man!

It's a long, not necessarily interesting story that involves my strong dislike of being tracked and advertised to and an amazing Sociology professor and how much a lot of internet advertising weirds me out.

You see, I opt out of getting flyers and junk mail, I've opted out of whatchamacallit phone calls and I just now discovered I can opt out of some ad customization (fancy term) online.   You know, the type of ads where you check something on amazon and then all of a sudden ads appear on other pages for the same thing and you're like... excuuuuse me?  So I'm adjusting my tin-foil hat and other cliches and sending my fellow Canadians the same choice... 

http://youradchoices.ca/choices

Not saying it's bothering you too, but... why make it easy on them, eh?  I prefer to be less trackable and I know the internet doesn't really work that way but still... if they're giving me an opt out option, you bet I'm using it!

PS  I'm registered on the Do Not Call List (telemarketers) until 2021 now!  Woot!

Monday, 17 November 2014

Ow?

I had two shots last week.

One was the flu shot, given by my doctor, the other was my booster for tetanus, diptheria and pertussus (needed every ten years, btw, public service announcement, you're welcome) given by a nurse in the pharmacy/shot clinic thingamy.

Here's what's weird.  The flu shot?  Hurt like a sunofagun.  For a couple of days.  Like not comfortable.  Owie owie, ow.

The other shot?  Not so much.  Not going in, not after, I mean, sure, it was tender and I could tell it was there and it wasn't comfortable but it hurt much much less than the flu shot had.  And I could feel the shot hurting when I turned my arm certain ways, like the actual muscle that had been... injected into hurt or something.

Is there a reason for this?  For one to hurt less than the other?  I'm not sure, but you can bet I'm going to google it and see!

And yeah, I'm happy to say I should be good to step on a rusty nail for the next ten years.

Not that I want to or anything... just saying.

Saturday, 15 November 2014

Ahhhhhhh

The day off this week was lovely, but I'm still very very happy it's the weekend.

Very.

Friday, 14 November 2014

Scent

I am not a fan of scented things.

Products, I should say.... or people, really.

Like, I can't handle it if a woman is wearing perfume.  Not a fan of a guy with a lot of cologne either, although it's somewhat easier to handle than perfume.

But scented household products?  Not my thing.

Like, my laundry detergent?  Has to be unscented. Why would I want my laundry to smell like something?  I'm washing it.

Scents just smell overwhelming to me.  And annoying.

I bought some Swiffer refills the other day, opened up the box and WHIFF.  I hadn't noticed I'd accidentally picked up a box of something or other orange scented Swiffer things.  WHY?  I JUST WANT MY FLOOR TO BE CLEAN!  CLEAN DOESN'T HAVE A SMELL!

Now, that's not to say I like everything to be unscented.

I discovered this when my brother told me about an unscented shampoo and conditioner he loves.  He got me a mini bottle of each and... it's weird.

I can't get over my shampoo not having a nice, mild, fruity scent to it.  (I don't like the brand name stinky ones, but go for more natural ones, or AG or other "salon" type ones.)  I don't mind a bit of a smell to my hair products because I expect it.  And they're not overwhelming to me, probably because I choose the scent.  (I did have a counsellor once who was extremely scent sensitive and some shampoos she just couldn't be around the person for the session.)

So yeah... I don't like household products with scent.  It weirds me out and my nose doesn't like it.  It annoys me.  Because now I just smell chemical smells... I just want my laundry and my bathroom to be clean.  Not "seabreeze" scentedly clean.

Thursday, 13 November 2014

No Night Night

Speaking of poetry and writing, I've found that a lot of times my brain starts to write (it just does that sometimes, starts writing in my head) at times that aren't actually conducive to writing.

Most commonly?  When I'm in bed, reading a book, about to go to sleep.

In fact, that's when this blog was started (back in the 1800s).  Me, lying in bed, reading, about to go to sleep.

I've lost a lot of writing by lying there, saying it over and over in my head and convincing myself I'll still remember it in the morning.

Nope.

Sometimes I'll force myself to get up and get the computer and type it out, but other times I know that that's going to make it another hour or two before I do sleep and on the days where I have to work in the morning... well, sometimes sleep is a very valuable commodity.

I do have a pen and paper in my drawer next to my bed but I write slower than I type and so sometimes things even get lost that way.  (My brain seems to have converted to typing for writing... and it's weird that someone just showed me "dictation" for text messaging... it doesn't seem easier to me...yet?)

I've also lost a few poems while walking or something.  Again, those moments when I tell myself I'll remember it and then get distracted by something and get home just in time to remember I've forgotten something.

It'll even happen when I'm blogging.

I'll have an idea for a post, go find a photo to match with the post and by the time I've set up the photo the post is gone.

And sometimes when I have the time to sit down and write, there's nothing there that wants to come out.

I know a lot of writers say that they have scheduled writing time no matter what.  I don't have that daily, but I do have a habit of sitting down to write for an extended period of time on days off (weekends usually, or the occasional holiday) and so I do have that time period.  Except for the moments when I try that and nothing's there to be said.

Writing's a funny thing.  Takes no time at all to read what has taken a lot of time to write.

And for me, the things I write that seem to connect most to people are the things I've written when I'm very much being open in how I'm feeling, and that's not always an easy thing to do.

Ah well.  The sun is shining, Fall is here, and it's Wednesday.

Plus, I'm not trying to sleep as I'm writing this, so it's all good!

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Yes



Not exactly in a "need more sleep" kind of way but a "it's a rough time" kind of way.

I keep thinking (well, this last week or so) that I should go ahead and share some of my poetry kind of writing here, but then that seems weird, because I don't do that here.  This has always just sort of been my babbling spot.  Like, actual diary kind of stuff where I don't think, just write.  I guess it just feels odd to consider "writing" here in any sort of different way.

Got my flu shot Monday, maybe that's adding to the tired a little... also got a prescription for my tetanus/pertussus/I forget what elseus.  Putting it out as a reminder that you need to update those there vaccinations every ten years.  I was bitten by a squirrel ten years ago so I have my reminder date quite handily.  (What? I wanted to pet it... it thought I was feeding it... chomp, ouch, shots.)  Actually, now that I think of it, it probably wasn't a tetanus shot I got at that time, it was probably rabies...but...oh well.  I think I'll wait a while before I slam my arm and body with another shot or so though.

Cold and sunny here right now.  I'll take the cold that brings the sun any day. 

Made the leaves on the ground go all dry and crispy.

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

100

Today, especially, my thoughts and thanks go out to the brave soldiers who fought for others in World War One.

I will never forget travelling to Vimy ridge and feeling the power of the loss and sacrifice there.

Nor will I ever forget how we, as visiting Canadians, were treated there.  Again, in memory and thanks for the sacrifices made.

Remembering all those who died.

Thank you.


Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2014 and then some.) Kay? Kay.