The Delicate Art of Male Friendship

I have some wonderful male friends who mean the world to me. I turn to them when I am broken hearted or need advice or when my car won't start or when I want a good laugh or when I need to watch the Canucks game or when I need to cry. I love these guys. Muchly, muchly.

These wonderful guys, these amazing male friends, are all married to (or as good as married to) my best friends. Maybe I care about them so much because they are an extension of my friends and because I love them for the joy they give to my friends. They are cool dudes and great friends, but they are not single males. Single males are tricky things for me to be friends with.

I don't really have any single, male friends. There are a few guys I hang out with once in a while that I consider friends, but, with all but one of them, I've done some smooching, so in my mind, they don't count. (Wow, that was a long awkward sentence, huh?)

For me, these guys don't count as male friends because the sex thing has played into it, even if minorly. So, there are a few guys who aren't boyfriends (and won't ever be, and that's really ok) but who I don't really consider as "just friends". I'm not completely relaxed around them because that tension is there. Even if it's just flirting and innuendos. I know we've passed a "just friends" stage into something different. And it's good in its own way. It's just not friendship.

At some point a couple of years ago, I told myself to find some male friends I could hang out with without worrying about the whole attraction thing. After failing at the endeavor with a fellow last year, I've managed to start a friendship with a nice guy this year where I don't have to worry about the sex thing. At some point, maybe, we could have been more than friends, but when that point didn't happen, or was passed, I realized it was probably better off that way and that I was happier it hadn't gone that way.

But I still fret. I wonder if the status quo will last or if he'll change. The guy I knew before and I had an awesome friendship starting, but things went... off. Where I felt I'd been clear about my feelings, he felt I'd led him on. I've been wary of male friendship ever since. Once bitten, twice shy they say.

I'm hoping my choice in this new friend is a wiser one. I'm hoping there's no time when he wants something I don't. I'm hoping you don't all write me comments telling me that you married your male friend and I should just "let things happen". I don't want to go there. I really don't. That's the whole point. I want a male friend who is *just* a friend. It's important to me. I don't want to have to worry about romantic feelings with at least one single male in my life.

I know lots of girls who have tons of single male friends. I don't. I know lots of girls who are friends with their exes. I'm not. Single males are a species I don't generally count as "friends." I see them as something to date or someone who does or doesn't want to date me. I want to have at least one male friend who is just that. A male. And a friend. I think it'd be a good thing. I just hope it's a possibility. I think it is.