To Quote The Perishers

I'm having trouble sleeping.

It happens to me every once in a while, but it's been a good long time since I've been this out of it.

I'm one of those "can't fall asleep" people. If it's really bad (like at the hotel for my conference last week) everything will conspire to keep me very much conscious. It will be too hot. Anything I might be wearing will wrap itself around me and bunch. It will be too light. There will be visible light coming from anything. (Clocks are evil and must be covered with books and things) And worst of all? There will be noise. Any noise. Heaven forfend there is another person in the room trying to breathe. So, when it's really bad I'll slip in earplugs and put on eye-covering thingies and have just the right temperature of sheets and blankets. A lot of the time that helps just enough to get me off to sleep.

But it's more than that right now. Right now what happens is this:

Body is utterly exhausted. My brain and I decide this is a sign to turn off the lights and go to sleep. Lights go off. Body sighs happily and eyes close. Time passes. I realize that although my eyes are closed, the fact that I'm *thinking* about the fact that they're closed probably means I'm not really all that asleep. I distract myself with variations of counting sheep. I roll over, taking mental note of the fact that I'm still pretty much conscious and therefore, not sleeping. Which is what I'd like to be doing. Sleeping. Soundly. Not noticing.

But lately? I'm still waking up in the morning feeling like there wasn't much point in bothering to close my eyes in the first place. And it worries me.

It worries me because it's one of those things you can't help but think about but the more you think about it, the more likely it is to become an evil cycle you're perpetuating by thinking about it. So, I'm trying not to worry about it. I'm trying to tell myself it'll just pass and it'll all be just fine.

I'm also working on getting back into the healthier habits I was in before my trip. Cutting back on caffeine and sugar (um, hello? Easter eggs have lots and lots of both). Getting to the gym more than once or twice a week. Trying not to stress about things I have no control over. (Sigh.)

And, yes, I've talked with my doctor and I've read all the books and articles and I've been given a ton of advice and used the things that worked. I think what I need most is to make it through some of the bigger things that are going on right now. And to cope better while I'm getting through them.

So, for starters, I'm off to the gym. Hopefully tonight I'll sleep like a baby.