Monday, 23 April 2007

To Quote The Perishers


I'm having trouble sleeping.

It happens to me every once in a while, but it's been a good long time since I've been this out of it.

I'm one of those "can't fall asleep" people. If it's really bad (like at the hotel for my conference last week) everything will conspire to keep me very much conscious. It will be too hot. Anything I might be wearing will wrap itself around me and bunch. It will be too light. There will be visible light coming from anything. (Clocks are evil and must be covered with books and things) And worst of all? There will be noise. Any noise. Heaven forfend there is another person in the room trying to breathe. So, when it's really bad I'll slip in earplugs and put on eye-covering thingies and have just the right temperature of sheets and blankets. A lot of the time that helps just enough to get me off to sleep.

But it's more than that right now. Right now what happens is this:

Body is utterly exhausted. My brain and I decide this is a sign to turn off the lights and go to sleep. Lights go off. Body sighs happily and eyes close. Time passes. I realize that although my eyes are closed, the fact that I'm *thinking* about the fact that they're closed probably means I'm not really all that asleep. I distract myself with variations of counting sheep. I roll over, taking mental note of the fact that I'm still pretty much conscious and therefore, not sleeping. Which is what I'd like to be doing. Sleeping. Soundly. Not noticing.

But lately? I'm still waking up in the morning feeling like there wasn't much point in bothering to close my eyes in the first place. And it worries me.

It worries me because it's one of those things you can't help but think about but the more you think about it, the more likely it is to become an evil cycle you're perpetuating by thinking about it. So, I'm trying not to worry about it. I'm trying to tell myself it'll just pass and it'll all be just fine.

I'm also working on getting back into the healthier habits I was in before my trip. Cutting back on caffeine and sugar (um, hello? Easter eggs have lots and lots of both). Getting to the gym more than once or twice a week. Trying not to stress about things I have no control over. (Sigh.)

And, yes, I've talked with my doctor and I've read all the books and articles and I've been given a ton of advice and used the things that worked. I think what I need most is to make it through some of the bigger things that are going on right now. And to cope better while I'm getting through them.

So, for starters, I'm off to the gym. Hopefully tonight I'll sleep like a baby.

14 Comments:

Blogger dilling said...

peaceful dreams

Monday, April 23, 2007 7:49:00 pm  
Blogger Ryan said...

It was a shame when I was at university that I didn't get to record any of my "Economics 101" lectures, because if there was one guy that put the class to sleep it was him.

If he came in pill form he'd be the cure for insomnia and make millions!

Monday, April 23, 2007 8:22:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Dilling : ) You're the sweetest!

Monday, April 23, 2007 9:00:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Ryan, that's not such a bad idea! I could sneak into the University and fall asleep. It's funny how you can fall asleep when you're not supposed to, eh?

Heh... pill form professor... heh.

Monday, April 23, 2007 9:01:00 pm  
Blogger Laura said...

Heh, yeah before I had my car I also used to find it easy to fall asleep on the bus, believe it or not. While sitting up. I never did anything embarassing like fall asleep on some random stranger's shoulder, thankfully! Something about needing to be awake to get off at my stop would manage to make me fall to sleep, funny that. Those economics professors, they worked well too. Must be ALL economics profs.

Monday, April 23, 2007 11:33:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I have a friend who almost always falls asleep in the movies, even the loud car chase type ones! I should tell her to stop sleeping through movies and go to an Economics lecture instead!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 7:57:00 am  
Blogger McGone said...

I feel your pain. You can usually tell by what time I post comments on your blog (today of course being an exception).

Maybe we're just too cool to sleep, did you think about it that way?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 8:27:00 am  
Blogger Tod said...

I hate it when that happens. I had a bout recently when I would give in and finally get up at three in the morning. Then I would be exhausted at work...bummer.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 11:12:00 am  
Blogger Catlin said...

Warm milk with anise always does the trick with me!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 11:46:00 am  
Blogger Jonathan said...

I always find that alcohol helps - but then I'm a guy. Naughtiness works for men too, but I gather it has the opposite effect for women - releasing all those relationship chemicals into their brain that causes them to think about stuff into the small hours..

I've been no help at all here actually, have I.

How about trying different things out from day to day? Food, drink, exercise, naughtiness, movies, books, music... until you find your solution.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 1:07:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

McGone? You may have hit the nail on the head... with the hammer. We're too cool to sleep. This is the price we have to pay for being just so darn cool. Bummer.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 4:55:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Tod, I've done that too, the give up and just get up and read or whatever. If only for that pesky work, it'd be great! : )

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 4:56:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Catlin, does Anise taste like liquorice? (black liquorice is teh icky) I had milk last night as I was reading in bed and had a good sleep so maybe I'll try that again!

Oh, plus I went to the gym ; )

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 4:57:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Jonathan: I'm a non sleeper with alcohol. Wait... sounds wrong. Let's try it again...

Jonathan: I tend not to sleep well after drinking. Naughtiness? I wouldn't know, being completely innocent.

So far the changes I've made seem to be helping, if not I'll do movies, lectures, books, milk, anise, exercise, and naughtiness all rolled into one! wooo hoooo.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 5:00:00 pm  

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