An Interview. Not with a Vampire.

So I thought that since I haven't told you much about Smith, I'd get him to tell you about him. Self.

Wha?

So, here we have a fairly accurate transcript of an interview I had with Smith this weekend. Because, yes... he is here right now on a visit. Which is very cool.

Victoria's Interview with That Guy Link Gravatron Smith The Invincible, Esq.

V: So, hi, Smith. Welcome to my blog.

S: Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here.

V: What can you tell us about yourself?

S: Well, I'm a fairly simple guy with fairly simple aspirations. I come from a nuclear family with three brothers. My father was a school teacher. My mother was a secretary. I grew up in the tiny fishing village of Saint Castille near the Galapagos Islands. (Editor's note: At this point he giggles and I start to believe he is no longer as near to the truth as he might be)

V: Alrighty then. Why don't you tell us what you look like. How would you describe yourself?

S: I'm a six foot one Caucasian male 170lbs (Ed's. note: It's like a personals ad!) with hazel eyes. I won't give you my hair colour because the nature of my work requires me to change it often (Me: He's going to try to convince you he's a super secret spy.. I can tell.) I like turbo engines, squashing bad guys and generally bad-ass spy stuff (Yup, there he goes)

V: OK, I'm not sure that last part has much to do with how you look, but it does bring up the obvious question, what do you do?

S: See above.

V: Is that a no comment?

S: No. See above!

V: So, you're saying you're a spy too? Like me?

S: I cannot deny or confirm that allegation.

V: Can I roll my eyes at you?

S: Yes.

V: OK. Moving on. What's something someone might not know about you just by looking?

S: That I'm a bad ass spy. No, wait. I didn't just say that. Let me get some growlies. I'll be right back. (Smith gets out of bed to grab some almonds. Why he calls them growlies is beyond me. Wait, did I just say he was in bed? I didn't mean that. I meant he got up from the interview chair. Yes, that's it. )

V: No seriously. What's something someone who just met you in the street would be surprised to know.

S: I'm bilingual.

V: Giggle. Are you talking dirty?

S: No, that would be bi-sexual.

V: Nooooo that's not what I meant! (giggles to self again)

V: Let's get back to business. So what do you think about the whole long distance thing?

S: Well, Victoria, (there is a long pause here, and some crunching of growlies) it's definitely... challenging. And not the kind of challenging you get from studying for a difficult math test. It's the kind of challenging where you're like "Damn. This is challenging." (Note: he's doing that thing again where I'm not sure if he's serious. He eats a few more almonds and then starts again.) The hard part is not getting to see each other and be there for each other. There's a whole lot of looking forward to the Someday and sometimes not enough looking at the present.

V: Like Christmas presents?

S: No. The here and now present.

V: I knew that. I was just being silly and cute.

S: Of course you were.

V: And, do you read this site? Is it weird reading about yourself in the third person?

S: No, I actually read about myself in the third person all the time. Although, it's not always on the news.

V: Are you being funny again?

S: I can not confirm or deny that allegation.

V: Sigh. (I consider rolling my eyes again)

V: Well, thanks, Smith. I can't think of anything else to say so, yep. Thanks. Give me a smooch now!

S: (insert almond flavoured smooching noises here)