Tuesday, 23 October 2007

Same Story, Different Angle

A while ago, I talked about the pressure some women feel when they make the choice not to have children. Or when they're not sure. Or when they're not ready. Or whatever it might be.

Lately, I've been watching people go through the other side of the pregnancy story.

There are a lot of wonderful people out there who, for whatever reason, are unable to have children naturally.

There are women out there who give birth to children who are ill, or who become ill.

There are a ton of blogs out there that write very well about the difficulty of being unable to have children, or the struggles of fertility treatments, or the worries of being accepted to be foster or adoptive parents.

It's hard for me and I'm on the outside. It's extra hard because so many people I know seem to be getting pregnant right now. Or having a baby any day now. Or, in some cases, starting their second pregnancy. Which is hard because how do I share someone else's joy with someone who wants nothing more than to have that same thing happen for them and is having their heart broken month after month after month.

I wish the world was simple. I wish everyone who would love a child was able to have one to love, the way they want to have that child. I wish becoming a parent was always easy. I wish everyone who was able to give birth was able to be a fit parent.

I wish I could comfort everyone who has struggled with having a child and I wish I could comfort every child who has felt unwanted or unloved.

I don't really know what this has to do with being a single girl, it's just hard to see my friends hurting. And I don't know how to support them.

I still don't know if I'll have children, but I hope that if I decide to, it'll be an easy, joyful experience.

Let's send some good vibes out there to all parents to be, kay?


Blogger Delton said...

I like the sentiments you expressed here. You've got a good heart. Someday, you'll find that someone to make you happy too. :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007 10:04:00 am  
Blogger Cap. said...

I've oft wondered what you believe....

Tuesday, October 23, 2007 2:52:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Awwwww, thanks Delton! : )

Cap, did I answer your wonderings?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007 6:01:00 pm  
Blogger abstractjenn said...

This is such a sticky topic with some people. I've known since high school that I didn't want to have kids of my own. I'm not opposed to marrying someone who already has kids - but I never wanted to reproduce little mini-abstracts. The hard part of that is my family gets pregnant really easy and I always felt so bad when someone who wanted children so much couldn't get pregnant. Like why was this wasted on me? The other thing that got under my skin is when I would say "I don't want to have kids" and someone would look at me and say "OH don't worry dear when you meet the right man you'll want to have his kids." What!!!???? What is the the 17th century? My answer was always the same. "Thats impossible, becaue the right man doesn't want to have kids either." That usually kept them quiet for a bit.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 3:55:00 am  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Excellent post. Sat here with a huge, knowing smile on my face.

I think blogs are great for this very reason - people who want to tell their story (whatever that story might be) can do so, and those that look for it will find it.

It is strange though - how something like fertility seems to be dealt with silently, whereas religion and politics are seen by many as an invite to publically pass judgement on you.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 4:39:00 am  
Blogger dilling said...


Wednesday, October 24, 2007 10:37:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Jenn, it really is a sticky, tricky subject and so many people aren't sensitive about it when talking to others. I had a good giggle at your phrase "mini-abstracts" though! : )

Jonathan, I was sure thinking of ya...

Dilling, I was thinking of your friend too.

*hugs y'all*

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 8:02:00 pm  

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