Sunday, 2 March 2008

Spinning


I think the hardest thing about starting a new relationship for me is the thinking.

The thinking that goes on in my head all the time. Even if I don't want it to. Even if I don't care.

I can't seem to meet a guy without thinking about him. Thinking and wondering if he's someone I want to be in a relationship with. Thinking about what that relationship would look like or what it would mean and where would we be five years from now anyway?

And the thinking gets worse because I start thinking on behalf of the other person. I start to make up reasons they haven't called when I thought they might or why they haven't made the time to see me when I'd assumed they would. But I still think maybe I'm right, even if I have no basis to think so other than the thoughts my own brain has come up with.

I think too much and I get myself all worked up into knots over things that may or may not be real. About relationships I may or may not want to be in.

About relationships that probably don't even exist yet.

There's just too much thinking and not enough "not caring." Not enough waiting and seeing. I can talk the talk, but my brain still thinks. Some days worse than others, of course, but still. I'd like to turn my brain into a Library zone and put up signs saying "Shhhhh. No talking."

It's easier just being single and not dealing with guys or dating or not dating. It's easier, that's for sure.

Footnote: Don't worry too much, I'm kind of just ranting out loud.

14 Comments:

Blogger Likalia said...

I do the exact same thing, and no matter how much I tell myself not to I still do. It is aggrevating to say the least. :)

Sunday, March 02, 2008 10:16:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

"to say the least" is right! ; )

Sunday, March 02, 2008 10:19:00 am  
Blogger Yvonne said...

Ugh. I hear you, sister.
I wish I could dissociate myself from such situations but no, I marinate in them.
Ultimately, the reason for the absence, unreturned call, etc. is moot as it does not change the outcome. But dammit, I still want to know why!

Sunday, March 02, 2008 11:03:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

'Zactly!

*sigh*

; )

Sunday, March 02, 2008 11:04:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

Do you think we're emotional masochists?! ;)

Sunday, March 02, 2008 11:46:00 pm  
Blogger Jonathan said...

It IS easier being single, but the fact that you just wrote a fantastic blog post all about being with somebody says an awful lot...

Half the battle is accepting that nobody is how you want them to be - and you are not how they want you to be either. It's the differences that make us interesting.

Monday, March 03, 2008 2:09:00 am  
Blogger Alexandra said...

I can so sympathize! I do the same thing...and so far it hasn't brought me anything good. My brain does not obey the "shhhh" signs at all!

Monday, March 03, 2008 6:56:00 am  
Blogger Princess Consuela Banana Hammock said...

dont worry. your NOT the only one out there who does this. i swear. sometimes i wanna kick my own ass. no bueno.

Monday, March 03, 2008 9:13:00 am  
Blogger dilling said...

I overthink things in reverse... I don't know if that helps things anymore than overthinking into the future...
Are you really thinking of "relationships" before even really "dating?" STOP NOW.... it can put a damper on everything...

Monday, March 03, 2008 5:39:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yvonne, now that's something to consider! D'oh.

Jonathan, true enough, it is the differences that are interesting. I just wish I didn't have to think about it all so much. ; )

Alexandra, maybe if I yell at your brain and you yell at mine it'll work? Shhhhhhh!

Princess CBH,now that'd be worth seeing, someone kicking their own ass. Like someone licking their own elbow? ; )


Dilling, how do you overthink in reverse? You think about the past?
And yes, I am thinking of relationships before even really dating. I frustrate myself!

Monday, March 03, 2008 6:07:00 pm  
Blogger dilling said...

yeah, I think about the old stuff alot, not all of it, but some of it...even though it doesn't really matter now... I think it's just cuz I want to have better memories, ya know? I would like to be, I don't know, nostalgic?, about some of it....

Monday, March 03, 2008 8:58:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yep, I think I know just what you mean.

Monday, March 03, 2008 9:01:00 pm  
Blogger voiceinmyhead said...

i think as women we ALL do this. as soon as i meet a guy i like, my brain never shuts off...i hate it and yet i just can't stop! the worst is when you imagine why they aren't calling, it's easy to convince yourself of something that you actually don't even know!

Friday, March 14, 2008 7:05:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Oh, gosh, I know EXACTLY what you mean! Hmm, he hasn't called. He must hate me. Or maybe he's dead. Or is sleeping with his ex. Or thinks I'm dead!

Bah, silly brain! ; )

Friday, March 14, 2008 5:33:00 pm  

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