F is for Food
In a lot of ways I think I'm lucky that I'm not heavy. I've eaten badly for a long time and have been a huge fan of junk food. I also tend to eat when I'm upset and as we know, that can get you into a lot of trouble.
For those of you who've been around a while and pay attention to my non-relationship rants, you may remember me mentioning a couple of times that I had something "wrong" with my stomach.
The latest in my series of adventures trying to find out just what this something was led me to an allergist who's got me on a food-restricted diet (heh, I just typed "died" by mistake, my fingers make the best typos ever) for a couple of weeks. All of a sudden, my complicated relationship with food is made even more so.
No longer can I go into the cupboard and grab my favourite treat or snack, for a couple of weeks I have to avoid...well, pretty much everything I'd normally eat, and certainly all snack type foods.
It's been hard being on this "diet". I can't go out to eat, (hence me meeting Bird at a pub and not being able to order anything) I can't randomly reach for something, I have to check every single ingredient in those ingredients lists to make sure I'm not eating the thing my Doctor thinks might be causing my stomach pain. It's really really weird to be doing this because it's made me realize how much I take food for granted; how much I take being able to choose what I eat based on what I feel like eating for granted.
It's complicated trying to think of something you'd like to eat that you're also allowed to eat. It's a good thing that this town's got a lot of "alternative" grocery stores so that if I find out there are certain things I can't eat, I'm sure I'll be able to find substitutes. (Did you know they make goat yogurt, for example? You do now!) I'm just not sure there's a good substitute for the stuff I really miss: candy and chocolate.
I've been told that after the first week, the sugar and chocolate cravings will die down, but right now I feel for everyone who's ever gone cold turkey quitting something.
And, it's been hardest after a rough day, or when I'm feeling down to think that I don't have any food I can turn to for a little comfort or a pick me up. Because, as much as I love fresh fruit, that apple just isn't making up for the chocolate bar I'd really like to be eating.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this food thing (or with this post, really) but I'm hoping that I can take a whole lot of good out of the experience and learn to treat my body better and learn to eat healthier and more mindfully.
I'm also hoping I can go back to having some of my favourite snack/junk foods again at some point. All in moderation, of course.