Saturday, 7 June 2008

And Breathe

They say you should do something every day that scares you.

Me? I'm not sure about the "every day" part. But I think it's good to do something every once in a while that you're scared of.

Like, talking to a guy you've previously only admired from afar.

Which I did.



Blogger Likalia said...

Way to go! What guy? Where? Good talk? Details please. :)

(do you think it comes through that I am having to live vicariously in this arena?);)

Saturday, June 07, 2008 12:02:00 pm  
Blogger David Maxam said...

A lot of guys who have approach anxiety give themselves a goal, like doing 10 approaches a day.

My favorite opener lately: Just hold out your fist, and give a playful look. They'll catch on, and do the little 'potato bump / knuckle bump' handshake.

Don't say anything, just hold out your fist for them to bump. When they figure it out, they feel validated, like they got the right answer. If it goes weird you just nod and move on, but usually its a simple thing from there to hold out your hand and just say 'Victoria.' Not 'Hi, I'm so and so, who are you... blah blah blah' Just 'Victoria' with the hand held out. They'll handshake and say 'Hi I'm BillyBob'

From there, "Hmm, Hi billybob, SO, what makes you cool?" (This sets things up for him qualifying himself to you, and since you've hardly said anything in the interaction, he's the more reactive one, your in the power position, and he should start trying to impress you. Actually, since it's normal for guys to try to impress and women to judge, you could probably leave off the 'So what makes you cool' (or substitute 'So whats interesting about you?)

And from there'its on'...

I'd really be interested to see how this little routine works for a female. It's generic enough to work at the bar, in line at the grocery store, just about anywhere. Will you test it a few times and get back to me?

Saturday, June 07, 2008 12:08:00 pm  
Blogger David Maxam said...

2 other fine points. It helps if you don't walk directly at someone to do this. Saunter up next to, or be passing by... its less confrontational body language.

Also helps if after the 'potato bump' fist gimme 5 then knuckle tap thing if you start to take half a step away, as if you might continue on your way, then turn back without actually taking the step and then hold out your hand for the handshake and conversation. Its a subtle difference, but as you 'roll off' for a moment, they'll feel like they're losing you, and when you come back for the handshake, its a second chance. Also communicates nonchalant non-needy attitude, which is always attractive. ;-P

Saturday, June 07, 2008 12:36:00 pm  
Blogger Jonathan said...

I have one thing to say.



Saturday, June 07, 2008 2:35:00 pm  
Blogger Laura said...

David, that's so... scripted. I think it sounds like a cool icebreaker but something about the way you have it down to a science is just a little artificial to me.

Victoria... Awesome girl! Details! Ha, like I have any right to demand details after my last post.

Saturday, June 07, 2008 3:36:00 pm  
Blogger David Maxam said...

Can't argue with Laura, It's a handshake, an introduction, and a question to get things rolling. Maybe 10 seconds in total. From there your on your own.

In truth, I'd say the first 10 seconds of almost any meeting are scripted, usually by our upbringing and socially conditioned norms of what's polite to say when first meeting someone. This is just a bit flirtier.

I think people consider walking up to meet a stranger and will sit there thinking 'ok, what do I say, what do I say?' and invent a script in their head anyways.

I can walk up to any attractive strangers now without getting to 'in my head' about it. Now it's just a fun handshake and a hello. The 'what to say' nervousness is gone, and that's freeing me to really be myself.

Saturday, June 07, 2008 3:47:00 pm  
Blogger Don said...

Good for you, Victoria. If it helps, I identify with your problem. Men often appreciate when they are approached. We're shy creatures, too.

Saturday, June 07, 2008 4:24:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Likalia, a guy I've had a crush on forever. At his work. Talk was short but I didn't babble too much, so good, yes! Nothing more to say at this point, but keep your fingers crossed, eh?

David, that could be fun if done well :) I've gotta say, I've never heard it called a "potato bump" before, that's hilarious! Should I be taking notes? Will there be a test? ;)

Jonathan, now I feel like I'm back in Elementary school! heh.

Laura, I'll give details if/when there are any ;)

David, I know what you mean about getting rid of the "meeting nervousness" Gah!

Don, if of you may be shy creatures too, that makes it even more complicated for me! Uh oh!

Saturday, June 07, 2008 6:20:00 pm  
Blogger abstractjenn said...

Eleanor Roosevelt said that about doing one thing everyday that scares you. I love that saying all though I don't alway (or most times) really do it.

Glad you talked to the guy - could something be brewing?

Saturday, June 07, 2008 8:59:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Jenn, I don't think anything's brewing, no. :)

Saturday, June 07, 2008 9:00:00 pm  
Blogger dilling said...

brave girl

Saturday, June 07, 2008 9:05:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

oooh, is this the one your buddy's girlfriend endorses?! ;)

Saturday, June 07, 2008 9:22:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Dilling!

Yvonne, it is! :D *blush*

Saturday, June 07, 2008 10:05:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

This blog-fan is proud. ;)

Sunday, June 08, 2008 12:00:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks! :D

Sunday, June 08, 2008 9:56:00 am  

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