Thursday, 18 September 2008

Unsettled.


I'm in a little bit of a weird space right now.

Not necessarily a bad space, I don't think, just feels a little challenging somehow. I'm not even sure how to write about it, it just feels like I should. Which is weird too.

Maybe it's the approach of fall and knowing that soon it'll be cuddling-under-a-blanket-while-it-rains weather, but I find myself feeling like I'd really like to be in a relationship. Maybe it's that more of my closest friends just had a baby. Maybe it's that one of my best girlfriends is coming up to her tenth wedding anniversary. Maybe it's wondering when my "everything" is going to come, when my "perfect" person is going to walk into my life.

And maybe it's that all this is hovering there in the background of my mind while all the while I feel content with it being just me here when I get home at the end of the day.

Maybe it's hard feeling like I "should" be somewhere and worrying about what people might be thinking because I'm not. Yet.

I don't know. It's just one of those times when everything seems spinny or something. Unsettled.

That's the word. I'm feeling unsettled.

And yet somehow it's still ok.

Thoughts? Advice? Insight?

16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I know where you are coming from....imagine, I am the same place...but I'm 41!!!! I decided long ago that I was not putting my life on hold while I waited for my knight in shining armour. If he comes - great, but I have to be happy here and now whether he comes into my life or not. Just hang on and be happy with what you have now! Love reading your blog girl! Gail

Thursday, September 18, 2008 11:09:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Gail :)

And, good point! :D

Thursday, September 18, 2008 5:10:00 pm  
Blogger Pickle said...

I know exactly what you mean. I feel that way a lot. Somehow it's the struggle in your mind between what you want and where you are with what you feel like you "should" want or where you "should" be. I feel like I should want to be settled and in a relationship...making plans but I'm content by myself. As things happen around us it makes us feel like a fish out of water. We wonder what they're thinking about us because they have to be wondering why?? I try to remind myself to live for myself. The grass is always greener on the other side, but the other side still has to be mowed.

Friday, September 19, 2008 6:32:00 am  
Blogger cocoa_no_gogo said...

I like you just the way you are Victoria.

Have a nice day!

Friday, September 19, 2008 11:56:00 am  
Blogger Jenn said...

I felt that way in the summer of 2004, and by christmas 2005 I owned a house, was about to get married, and was (oops!) already knocked up!

It can come out of no where, at any time!

In the mean time...chocolate. And soup. Cures all!

Friday, September 19, 2008 8:00:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Pickle, I love your last line! (The other side still has to be mowed.) Brilliant! :D

Well thanks Cocoa! You too bud :)

Jenn, I keep hearing that (well, not so much about the getting knocked up part! tee hee) What about chocolate soup? I could go for that! ;)

Friday, September 19, 2008 8:29:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

{hugs}
I hear you, V. Boy do I hear you! I would say that 90% of the time I love the freedom of being single. But that 10% of the time can be very sad and lonely. Especially during snuggling weather!
So, let's just take extra tender loving care of ourselves and things will happen when the right person comes along. (Right?!) In the meantime, my favourite boys will be continue to be Ben & Jerry and Ernest & Julio. They have never let me down!
(You know what really sucked?! Being the only patient in the surgical day unit at the hospital without a significant other to drop me off and pick me up! It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. And then you find yourself missing your ex. And wanting to clobber yourself for missing him. lol) Ack, I'll shut up now!
Here's to feeling settled, but not settling - if that makes any sense. ;)
I guess I didn't shut up after all. >;-D

Friday, September 19, 2008 9:27:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

ETLC for sure.

And, yes, it does sneak up on you at the strangest of times.

And double yes to feeling settled but not settling!!!

:)

PS You don't need to shut up!

Friday, September 19, 2008 9:46:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

I don't have to shut up? Yay! >;-D

I started on the ETLC today! Lush just opened a store at Hillside mall and I went on a bit of a bender. I smell so good right now I want to faint!

Friday, September 19, 2008 10:02:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Lush in Hillside? Iiiiinteresting ;)

Good for you treating yourself!

Friday, September 19, 2008 10:10:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

'kay V, I did my ETLC bit for today. It's your turn. ;)

Friday, September 19, 2008 10:27:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I went to bed and had a great sleep and feel so much better! (Does that count?)

Saturday, September 20, 2008 5:02:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

I'll let it go this time but I think you can up the indulgence factor next time. ;)

Sunday, September 21, 2008 11:08:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I'll try! :D

Monday, September 22, 2008 7:44:00 am  
Blogger S said...

I totally hear you on this one. I'm looking at my school friends not only married but some are already mothers of two. It's scary coz I seem sooooo far away from that now with no idea how I would get there! And then I remember I could have had that if I wanted. Except I would be married to a really boring guy and probably would not have done half the things I have done so far. And I also remember I feel less alone being single than I did when I was in a bad relationship. This post was written a while ago, so I hope you're feeling better now.

S

p.s. I'm a new reader. Hi!

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:01:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Hi S! :)

Yeah, every once in a while I do the same thing, and realize that, yes, I probably could be "there" but who would I bee with.... It does seem far away sometimes though :)

I'm feeling different, better, still a little.... "huh". It's fine though. Just keeping on keeping on, ya know?

Nice to meet you! ;)

Friday, October 24, 2008 3:13:00 pm  

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