Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Connect


I spent a few days last week considering signing up with eHarmony.

Why?

I don't really know.

I've been very anti on-line dating, and this feeling has been re-enforced time and time again when I do free searches on on line dating sites and get re-creeped out by the guys I see there.

Now that's not to say that there aren't great, genuine, nice guys doing on line dating, it's just the whole thing has always felt really really icky to me.*

And then I read this Reader's Digest article about eHarmony and its founder and about how he based the company on matching couples with this system that looks at important qualities, so not so much with the opposites attract, more along the lines of shared values are important. And I thought that was a pretty decent way to look at things.

And then a few days later I was on a completely non-dating related website and a banner ad for eHarmony came up and I figured it was a sign so I checked it out.

I signed in (and yes, I feel very guilty about this) under a fake name and did the (lengthy) personality questionnaire and got some matches. Four interesting sounding guys, who did, indeed, share some of the same beliefs I find important.

And then I freaked out and signed off and breathed into a paper bag for a while. (Ok, maybe not on that last part) But I did feel weirded out.

And possibly not ready to go through with something like this.

But the thought has crossed my mind as something I might consider. If only because I'm not really making an effort to "get out there" and meet guys any other way.

And do you know what's really funny/ironic ? As I was typing up this post, my girlfriend called me to tell me she was looking for stuff on Craigslist and found this "cute" post from a guy looking for a girlfriend. She wants to respond for me and all I could do was mumble that I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Do I want to start a new relationship? Kind of. Do I feel ready? Not entirely. Do I want to do the whole getting to know a new person thing? No. So where does that leave me?

Not sure. For now. But I'm pretty sure I'm not going to sign up for on-line dating any time soon.


*I know a lot of you have good on-line dating stories. I also know some of you have bad ones. I know most of us know someone who had great success with it. I know.

19 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, i just can tell you 1 thing, i come on your blog because i saw your bikini picture of your back :-)

You'll have more chance if you have a picture of you from the front (excuse my bad english because i'm a french guy from quebec)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 7:44:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Mais ca va mon ami, tu peux parler en francais :) (excuse my French, I don't know how to make accents and am an English girl from BC!) ;)

And yeah, I know I'd have better on line "luck" if I had my face/front up. I just don't think I'm ready for that. :)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 7:56:00 am  
Blogger Tod said...

Sorry anon but your comment really made me laugh - bless your little cotton socks. You should take that advice V. If you want a man then STOP showing people your BACK and turn around! LoL!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 1:38:00 pm  
Blogger Tod said...

On a more serious note I have three friends that have found very nice (sane, good looking, non psycho) partners by online dating. One of them is getting married next year. I say go for it (just keep your paper bag in your purse.) :)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 1:43:00 pm  
Blogger Alex said...

I say keep the picture the way it is. Just because. I think you express yourself so well in your writing that no one should need to see your front (that doesn't sound right...) to want to get to know you more.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 3:18:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Tod, so walking around backwards is what's kept me single for so long? Ahhhh, that explains a lot! I know lots of people who have good on line dating stories, for sure. Just don't think it's for me right now.

Hey Alex, well, it was either a picture of my back or a picture of some plant or something. Cuz I just am not overly fond of the idea of my face (or front for that matter, hee!) on the interwebs :) And, thanks :)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 4:21:00 pm  
Anonymous Single Girl said...

Hey Victoria -
I feel the EXACT same way about online dating. For me, it was those commercials that got me :) I tried eharmony for about 6 months. I met two guys in person. Both were very nice, but neither a good match. I know there should be nothing wrong/embarrassing about online dating, b/c I also know many successful couples who have met that way. But, at the end of the day, it wasn't the avenue for me. I want to meet someone the 'old-fashioned' way. And yes - maybe I'm stubborn. But you can't measure/match chemistry no matter how good someone looks on paper.

Mon deux cents :)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 5:04:00 pm  
Blogger Elusive Butterfly said...

Online dating is pretty brutal. I wouldn't go into it thinking that you'll end up in a relationship. My personal attitude is that I log in to check my messages when I need some entertainment. All of the guys I have met are weird and the ones I haven't met are weirder. The thing about online dating that sucks the most is that nobody has any incentive to treat people with respect and courtesy. Chances are you will never ever know any of these people so it's considered acceptable to not respond to messages, to tell someone that they're not your type etc. It's like a shark tank for single, insane people.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 5:29:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well hey Single Girl, that's good that you had a good (enough) eHarmony experience. Did you have any troubles when you decided not to keep on with it? Because I've read some people on line who did. And, yes, I think I'm more partial to meeting someone the "old fashioned way" because that chemistry thing is teh awesome!

EB, that's a hilarious way to put it "a shark tank for single, insane people" LOL

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 6:15:00 pm  
Blogger Laura said...

Of course there are tons of great love stories and lots of godawful dating stories from people who've met online. Just like there are an equal number of good & bad stories from people who met in bars, book stores, the grocery check-out aisle, and in school. It's just another method of meeting people, and the point is that you shouldn't do it unless you're cool with it.

If you do decide to try it at some point in the future, try not to look at signing up for the dating service as equivalent to jumping into a long term relationship, or don't even freak out about whether you're ready for that :) The thing is, it's just a method of bringing two people together. From there, you'll have conversations with someone, and it will take on a life of its own. If you really have a good connection with someone, you'll just be dying to meet them in real life. And until you get that feeling, I don't think you should bother having a first date.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 6:46:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Fantastically, awesomely perfect advice Laura! Thanks! :D

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 9:32:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

Yeah, what elusive butterfly said! And to further make my point, I decided to log in and check messages and here is the profile from my latest "messager";

i am a closet crossdresser looking to meet some peple who are interested in what i am.
i like to wear panties, garters and nightgowns. I love nice lingerie not trashy. Silky and nice lace.I am looking to meet females interested in dressing me up, as well as other crossdressers, ts,t.v or a couple where he dresses and is bi.
i am looking to develop a group of friends for regular encounters. If your barbie looking for ken your in the wrong spot, but with a little work i think i could be damm good. Any one want to help get me there?

My Ideal Person:
someone who likes their man in panties and bras. I want someone who is actually looking for some interaction.

if you interested in cyber not sure i am the one, but i might give it a try.

Thursday, October 23, 2008 3:02:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Wow! Um.... wow!

Thursday, October 23, 2008 7:25:00 pm  
Blogger Laura said...

Yvonne, lol, you're going to scare everyone. I swear I have NEVER received a message like that and if I did I think I'd print it and frame it.

Saturday, October 25, 2008 1:36:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

There certainly are some "different" people out there!

Saturday, October 25, 2008 2:02:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

lol laura!
I was a bit worried that I single-handedly scared off V from the online dating world!
Er, does it help that this guy wasn't from eharmony? ;)

I did meet ex#3 via the online personals. Oh wait, he's an ex so I'm not helping things here, am I?!

Sunday, October 26, 2008 8:49:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

hee

Sunday, October 26, 2008 8:51:00 pm  
Blogger Mike said...

Very cool post on on-line dating. As an "older gentleman" I had the opportunity to try both eHarmony and Match. I had success with both but ultimately found my wife through Match. I know it's scary and seems weird but it is weird when someone you don't know approaches you at a bar? Sometimes you just gotta jump in and take a chance...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 2:56:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Mike, that's great that on line dating was so successful for you! And, that's a good point, it's maybe just as weird to meet people no matter how you do it ;)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 5:14:00 pm  

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