Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

So I'm stuck in my advice giving.

Jonathan and Dominic both came up with questions I just haven't been able to give solid advice/answers to. And so instead of continuing to over-think my answers, I'm just going to answer without thinking and see what comes out.

Jonathan asked "Imagine you are out on a date, and we can hear your thoughts. What are you wanting your date to say - to do - how do you want them to react, to behave to the things you say, and the things you do... and why."

Honestly, I just want him to be relaxed and himself. I'd like him to be polite and kind and thoughtful. It'd be great if we had things in common to talk about and if he was a good conversationalist. Friendly. I would hope that neither of us are trying to impress each other, and instead are just happy to be in each others' company.

I don't know Jonathan, it's such a big question and so many possible answers. First date, eighty first date, I don't know. Plus, I don't know if my idea of a date is really all that traditional. I think I'd just like it to be easy. You know? Not a strain.

So I don't know if that's the answer you were hoping for or what, but that's all I've got after a full month of mulling it over!

Dominic, on the other hand, asked "what you should do when you meet someone who is single, very attractive, you like them a lot, & everyone tells you to go for it.. but you're not actually interested."

And this one completely stumps me.

I mean, I've been in a situation Dominic, where I'm just not attracted to a guy who's otherwise great, or something like that, but I can't say I've ever been in a situation where there's an attractive person I like a lot that I haven't been interested in. I have nothing to pull from, so my gut reaction advice is to say DUDE! GO FOR IT! But seeing that you're not interested, well, yeah. *shrug* I don't know. Maybe just be open to it? I know sometimes people sneak up on you romantically. Maybe, on a deep, serious level, ask yourself why you're not interested? Is it the person, or is there a fear of getting into a relationship?

Or, just shrug at the everyone who tells you to go for it and move on. Whadda I know?

So, I totally need your advice/help on these two questions peeps.

a. What do you want someone to do/say/react like on a date?


b. What do you do when you're just not interested in someone?


Blogger the one in the back said...

A. Be on your best behavior. Be polite, smile, show courtesy, compliment (but not too much), don't talk too much (or blabber about the weather...unless there is an interesting conversation about the weather), chew with mouth closed (and all other good table manners), offer to pay the bill, unless the other party insists, and then offer a rebuttal (e.g. you get dinner, I get the movie). And at the end of the night, a polite kiss on the cheek (unless both parties are ok for a solid lip kiss). Ask for feedback and if possible, a 2nd date. Honesty is nice, but real honesty, I feel, doesn't really come out until a few more dates down the line. So relax, enjoy each other's company and don't feel like you have to dish out your secrets the first time around. You don't want to scare each other off.

B. Why force a square peg through a round hole? There's no point trying to pursue something with another person if you're just not into them and vice versa. At the very least you prevent each other from wasting both of your precious time. And if nothing else, there's always the friendship tip, which would be a good way to know each other without the pressure of being in a relationship. And if by chance, something should arise out of it, then you have already built a strong foundation for the next phase of your relationship.

But what do I know?
As always, take all of this with a grain of salt...lots of salt...and taquila...and lime.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009 2:10:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks ToiTB! Excellent answers :)

Mmmm.... salt....... ;)

Wednesday, November 04, 2009 3:26:00 pm  
Blogger Ms Behaviour said...

Mmm tequila!

A. If my date can hear my thoughts, we're both going to be in a lot of trouble.

B. I don't understand. This person is available, there's enough chemistry for attraction to exist, likeable (so probably not arrogant or ignorant, not ugly or stupid or smelly)... the problem must be with me. Why am I not interested? Maybe he can be my booty buddy?

Wednesday, November 04, 2009 7:29:00 pm  
Blogger the one in the back said...

A. If my date can hear my thoughts...meow, meow, meow, meow...(to the tune of the meow mix jingle).

B. Hmmm...Booty buddy...yet another reason why Pirates are better than Ninjas!

Well said, Ms. Behaviour!

Wednesday, November 04, 2009 10:22:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...


Thursday, November 05, 2009 5:59:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

A. I want my date to be himself! How else can you tell if there is anything worth pursuing! It's worse when someone has good "date" behaviour but then it turns out he's an asshole and it's all just a facade;

B. Ugh. I find that situation so frustrating. Right situation, wrong guy.
I'm trying to stay friends with one because he is a nice person, but every now and then he makes a strong hint about wanting more than friendship. (Even though I let him know long ago I didn't feel that way about him.) ;(

Saturday, November 07, 2009 10:49:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Nods, nods, nods.

Sunday, November 08, 2009 12:42:00 pm  

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