The Twisting Began

I wasn't exactly sure how, but suddenly my fun trip back home to see friends had turned into an awful mistake and I wanted to make it right.

I took an early ferry back to Victoria and called Jeff that night.

I can almost remember the entire conversation we had, the words I used, how I tried to explain that I knew I'd hurt him and that I was very sorry.

He didn't say anything. His end of the line was very quiet. I must have asked him what he was thinking, but I don't remember his answer.

Had I been more mature, well, that's a moot point, really, but maybe if I'd had more confidence and trust in myself I'd just have ended things there.

But I didn't. We didn't.

We didn't talk about it again, the fact that I'd slept with someone else while we were maybe possibly still in a relationship, but in my mind I'd cheated on him. And the guilt was horrendous. I'd have done anything for him. Anything to try to erase the guilt I felt. Anything to make up for what I felt I'd done.

twist, twist, twist

Much of the summer is a blur, and soon enough it was September again and he was back in Victoria and we were together.

I twisted my life around to be with him. Took classes he was taking to spend more time with him. Hung around with his friends, not mine, just to be around him.

I felt like I owed him. That I'd done this horrible thing to him and now needed to give him all of myself.

Things got rough at home (my folks had retired and moved over to Victoria) and my parents didn't approve of the relationship.

Which sent me even deeper into Jeff's arms. And life. Forbidden fruit. He seemed like a saviour to me then. I think we both fed off the drama. We were beyond Romeo and Juliet, we were modern day nineteen year olds not allowed to see each other. Irresistible. Utterly.

We snuck around. We did whatever it took to see each other.

twist, twist, twist

Jeff quit school. Dropped out of the music program. Changed instruments and set his path on becoming a rock and roll guitarist.

Boy had talent. Potential. A darkness inside him that was growing moodier. But he also had my heart.

So we moved in together.

Very much against the wishes of my parents.

What did my friends think?

I don't know. I didn't talk to them or see them anymore.

Jeff had become the centre of my everything. I owed him that.

I was all twisted up already.




To be continued . . .