Wednesday, 3 February 2010

The Twisting Began

I wasn't exactly sure how, but suddenly my fun trip back home to see friends had turned into an awful mistake and I wanted to make it right.

I took an early ferry back to Victoria and called Jeff that night.

I can almost remember the entire conversation we had, the words I used, how I tried to explain that I knew I'd hurt him and that I was very sorry.

He didn't say anything. His end of the line was very quiet. I must have asked him what he was thinking, but I don't remember his answer.

Had I been more mature, well, that's a moot point, really, but maybe if I'd had more confidence and trust in myself I'd just have ended things there.

But I didn't. We didn't.

We didn't talk about it again, the fact that I'd slept with someone else while we were maybe possibly still in a relationship, but in my mind I'd cheated on him. And the guilt was horrendous. I'd have done anything for him. Anything to try to erase the guilt I felt. Anything to make up for what I felt I'd done.

twist, twist, twist

Much of the summer is a blur, and soon enough it was September again and he was back in Victoria and we were together.

I twisted my life around to be with him. Took classes he was taking to spend more time with him. Hung around with his friends, not mine, just to be around him.

I felt like I owed him. That I'd done this horrible thing to him and now needed to give him all of myself.

Things got rough at home (my folks had retired and moved over to Victoria) and my parents didn't approve of the relationship.

Which sent me even deeper into Jeff's arms. And life. Forbidden fruit. He seemed like a saviour to me then. I think we both fed off the drama. We were beyond Romeo and Juliet, we were modern day nineteen year olds not allowed to see each other. Irresistible. Utterly.

We snuck around. We did whatever it took to see each other.

twist, twist, twist

Jeff quit school. Dropped out of the music program. Changed instruments and set his path on becoming a rock and roll guitarist.

Boy had talent. Potential. A darkness inside him that was growing moodier. But he also had my heart.

So we moved in together.

Very much against the wishes of my parents.

What did my friends think?

I don't know. I didn't talk to them or see them anymore.

Jeff had become the centre of my everything. I owed him that.

I was all twisted up already.

To be continued . . .


Blogger Esperanza said...

wow...I'm intrigued!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010 10:04:00 am  
Anonymous Chris said...

You should write novels.. You would probably do very well. Can't wait to hear more of the story.

Hope your having a great week Victoria.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010 1:48:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I'm glad Esperanza :)

Chris, I've read enough romance novels to know how they go... this one won't end that way though!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010 2:20:00 pm  
Blogger Single and Picky said...

Twisting around a boy when your parents are against it - I've done it and my best friend did it - she spent year trying to fix the broken relationships with those around her after they eloped and got married, and I'm still trying to deal with the fall out from two years ago when I broke off an engagement the world could see was toxic but I couldn't. You aren't the only one dealing with it - if it makes it any better.

Maybe our parents do really know us.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010 6:39:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Chris.

You write so well Victoria! It can end however you want it to because it isn't ever really over. Ultimately, YOU control your destiny. Besides, plots are supposed to twist and turn - pun intended. Both (plots and twist and turns) are similar to life... making it interesting, challenging and worth living. These twists, turns and plots are nothing but chapters in the journey and make us who we are and determine ultimately with whom and where we end up. At least I am hopeful - and am pretty sure you are too. Your words and art inspire me.

Keep smiling!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010 6:41:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi- Please finish the story!!! Thanks! =)

Wednesday, February 03, 2010 6:51:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

SandP, maybe they do! Or, maybe we all have to go through something similar?

Thanks James :)

Ok Anonymous, I will! ;)

Wednesday, February 03, 2010 8:51:00 pm  

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