Unsure

One minute I'm fine, happy. Light thoughts and easy. The next moment I'm worried, wound up anticipating the next ring of the phone and what it might be saying.

Bird was in an accident. I got the phone call Saturday.

I don't know how he is, it's touch and go, so I don't know what to write right now, don't know what to say because one moment I'm fine and the next it feels disrespectful to feel fine.

As I'm writing this (on Sunday evening) there's a party going on next door. Music, voices raised, laughter; life goes on. There are these tragedies happening every day and we never know, our lives just go on and that's how it should be. Someone's dying possibly faster than nature would intend and people are throwing a party, people are getting drunk and throwing their windows open to enjoy the spring air.

It's ok. I'm ok. Just waiting and the waiting's hard.

So there may be posts, there may not, because some moments I'm ok and some moments it doesn't feel right to be ok.

There's a little piece of my heart just waiting to hear either way.

I'm not sure what it means that I was just thinking of him and now this. Maybe it's a reminder to just love people and not get so wrapped up in the littleness of what wasn't because it can be all too short.

Sorry, I maybe shouldn't have shared, shouldn't have worried you too, but I wanted you to know why there weren't posts in case there weren't posts, so now you know I guess. It's just that the things I'd like to write about, I don't quite feel like writing about. We'll see.