Thursday, 29 July 2010

To The Gigantic Spider From Last Night

Dear Gigantus,

Listen, when I am good enough to step down off the chair I'd jumped onto upon seeing you (even though you weren't on the floor I felt safer off of it) and open the window and get a piece of paper to put you on to therefore take you to the window and therefore outside, I'd really appreciate it if you'd just calmly step onto the paper.

Because when you jump around and escape like that, it means I don't know where you are and find myself back on the chair.

And if I then see you on the other side of the room, and don't even get me started on how fast you have to be to have done that and don't let me think about how you got there because I don't want to, and I attempt once again to get you to crawl onto my paper-to-window trolley service please just help me out here and get on the paper.

Because now I don't know where you are and I don't want to think about it and really, I was just trying to help us both.

So, please pass this message on to your friends, large or small: Victoria+paper=freedom.

We all need to work together on this.


P.S. Another solution would be for you guys to just not come into my place at all. Just saying.


Blogger Being Samiantha said...

Since we live in a rainforest, it's going to rain anyways, I would have just squished him.
But then I'm allergic to most spiders and better its them than me.

Cute post!

Thursday, July 29, 2010 9:42:00 am  
Blogger Epiphany said...

I have serious arachnophobia after being traumatized at 12 by a dirt spider that literally rolled down the stairs to family room. I was home alone and it was GIANORMOUS! The cat hissed, the dog ran for cover. I was hyperventilating when my parents came home. It was so big my dad couldn't kill it. I can't stand them no matter how small they are. eeek! I spray them with whatever toxic chem I can find. You're far kinder than I! LOL

Thursday, July 29, 2010 11:20:00 am  
Blogger Single and Picky said...

I agree with Epiphany and Being Samiantha - sorry if I can smoosh them I do.

Thursday, July 29, 2010 11:47:00 am  
Anonymous Dominic said...

I never kill spiders or bees. Wasps, on the other hand, are remorselessly slaughtered.

Have you considered that if the spider appeared to move very fast, it might have been a second spider? >:)

Thursday, July 29, 2010 1:55:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I don't like the squishing-ness of squishing, Samiantha, plus then there's goo. Ewww!

Oh man, Epiphany, now I'm freaked out too and I wasn't even there! Holy crap.

Most people do SnP ;)

Dominic, it's going to take me a while to forgive you for putting that idea in my head. *shudder*

Friday, July 30, 2010 12:32:00 am  
Anonymous Gigantus (aka Fred) said...

"... don't even get me started on how fast you have to be to have done that ... "

There were two of us. ;P

oh, and you can call me Fred. My brother Ralph was the other one. We though we would have a little fun w/ you.

Friday, July 30, 2010 3:12:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well gee Fred, that sure was... um... fun, but I think maybe if you guys just stay outside next time that would be even MORE fun! Yay!

*shivers all over*

Friday, July 30, 2010 4:45:00 pm  

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