Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Another Break

I have a lot going on right now and I'm not in a good space to be doing the online dating thing so I'm taking a bit of a break from it right now.

It's also true that the more I consider my experience with it, the less sure I am that it's a way of meeting people that works for me.

My Mom asked me the other day how things were going with "the online dating" and I told her I really didn't think it worked with my personality.

"Are you trying too hard," she asked, "Not hard enough?"

I said, that no, it wasn't really that, but just that meeting a stranger for the first time is so uncomfortable for me and so not something that jibes with my personality that there's no way I enjoy it and so no way I'm being myself.

"Well, it is worse than a blind date?"

That's just it. It's exactly a blind date. Over and over and over.

For me, that's a lot of what's not working. Meeting someone cold turkey like that doesn't work for me so I'm not comfortable and so I don't see how I could click with anyone.

I don't even know how I'm coming across to these guys I'm meeting because I hide my nervousness well and am fully capable of carrying on a conversation and filling awkward pauses and making sure I'm engaging and interesting that I'm nowhere near relaxed.

Whereas I know when I meet someone in a situation where I'm comfortable, while I'll still be nervous, I'll warm up and will be able to be myself.

Like when C-Dawg had a bunch of girlfriends over at her place the other night, I didn't know many of them and I felt nervous. So I just hung back for a while until I started to feel more comfortable and soon enough I was chatting away with everyone and got along great with all the new people.

Unfortunately, a blind date situation doesn't allow me the time to be reserved and quiet before I relax and warm up, so this online dating thing isn't working for me.

Which leads me back to my original problem, the one that turned me to online dating in the first place. . . I need to be meeting more single men than I currently am in a situation that is not a blind date situation where I can slowly get comfortable and therefore get to know them.

I just have to figure out how to do that.

And where.

But for now, I'm going to step back a bit from the on line thing. I know it works for a lot of people (just ask C-Dawg) but I'm not sure it's going to work for me.


Blogger Happydog said...

It's very good to know what will and what won't work for us....
Have you read the book
The Wishing Year: A House, A Man, My Soul by Noelle Oxenhandler?
The Wishing Year
I'm only half way through it but I find it very interesting. Though I hadn't called it "wishing" in my life I have found something similar happens when I simultaneously make a clear intention and then let it go.
Anyway just a thought....

Wednesday, April 13, 2011 9:24:00 am  
Blogger Kas said...

I am the same about meeting new people. I will usually drink A LOT in order to relax. I really don't like to drink A LOT - so I rarely meet new people.

It's tuff-- hang in there!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011 9:32:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks for the recommendation Happy Dog :)

I hear you Kas! ;)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011 7:48:00 pm  
Blogger Lizzie DeVere said...

I'm totally with you on this one! I just wish I could find a way of meeting guys and getting to know them in day-to-day life. I'm fed up of online dating - most of the time it feels like I'm going to a job interview rather than going out to have fun!

Thursday, April 14, 2011 7:58:00 am  
Anonymous Claus said...

Go volunteer at the aquarium/museum/parks/cancer society/ animal rescue shelter.... or whatever interests you.

Other people will do same, some will be men, some women. You'll make friends and meet new people.

No promises on the date, but at least you are increasing the likelihood that you will meet someone new. If not a date, maybe a good friend.

And after all that you will be helping a good cause and getting bonus karma points.


Thursday, April 14, 2011 3:57:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

It does feel like that Purplestina, doesn't it! ;)

Good idea Claus and I've considered it, it's just a matter of making time for it. :)

Thursday, April 14, 2011 9:30:00 pm  
Blogger M said...

I could never properly reason why I was so averse to on-line dating. The best answer I could provide was that I wanted to meet someone while I was out DOING something because, really, if he doesn't have time to be involved in an activity, why would he have time to date? And what exactly DOES he do in his spare time that he can't meet someone?
But you provided the answers I was looking for.

Monday, April 18, 2011 9:58:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Fair enough Mar! :)

Monday, April 18, 2011 7:53:00 pm  

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