Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Me So Sexy

Beauty by foundimagination
When I first moved into my apartment, I had the idea that people would be knocking on my door all the time. I figured neighbours would be stopping by or friends or relatives or mailmen, I don't know, just people.

Plus, I'd watched a lot of tv and that seemed to be the thing that happened, so I made sure I had cute (read: just a little sexy) outfits to relax in.

Problem is, cute outfits are so not comfortable and me? I like me my comfort. Especially in my own home where, as it turns out, no one ever knocks on my door.

Well, that's a slight exaggeration, but because I buzz my friends or relatives or mailmen into the building, there's rarely a knock on my door I'm not expecting.

So a couple of weekends ago, utterly exhausted from my Dad's surgery and being back at work, I was completely relieved to find myself with a three day weekend.

So relieved was I, I had a shower and decided I was too tired to even bother combing my hair. I mean, I didn't have plans for the weekend, so it's not like anyone was going to see me so I didn't even do my bangs, which I usually take the time to fix.

(Do you feel the foreshadowing here my friends?)

The weather had just started turning warm which meant the local family of ants had decided to check out my apartment for any findings. I lay on my couch in my comfiest pj bottoms, baggy old t-shirt and uncombed hair and emailed my lovely resident manager to ask her what I should do about the ants. Did she want me to handle them and put out bait or traps or whatever, or should I let her handle it?

Then, I sat back and dialed up some really bad tv on my computer and vegged out.

An episode and half into whatever show I was watching (ok, I know exactly what show I was watching, but I'm pretty embarrassed to admit it) when there was a knock on my door.

Now, usually if I don't know who's at the door, I take the time to throw on a jacket or blanket over my tshirt since I don't wear a bra when I'm relaxing and it's....er... obvious, but I figured it was Michelle, my landlady with some ant traps for me, so I didn't bother.

So imagine my surprise when I opened the door to a rather cute young man, a tattoo just peeking out from under his green tshirt and a friendly smile on his face.

"Urgh?" I said, my brain frozen.

"Hey!" said this cute young thing, "I'm Steve, your new neighbour, I'm moving in next door and just wanted to say hi."

At this point most of my brain was still going "urgh?" but the better part of me kicked into gear and struck up a conversation with him.

"So, I hear you're a spy too, where is your spy cave located?" I chirped, cheerfully, while trying to hide myself behind the door while simultaneously cursing how I must look and realizing that if I tried to hide myself behind the door I would make myself look crazier than I must already look.

So we chatted a bit about I don't even know what, and I jokingly referred to the fact that I was in my "Sunday best" guffaw, guffaw, and I'd love to invite him in to chat but wouldn't you know it I was watching this terrible tv show had he ever heard of it.... at which point the rest of my brain woke up and started shouting ABORT, ABORT! RETREAT! IMMEDIATE RETREAT! And so he went back to his place to unpack and I closed and locked the door and then turned around to see the mirror I have in my entrance.

Which was a bad idea.

Because then I shrivelled up and tried to melt into the floor.

You guys, no one should have had to see me looking like that. It was bad.

Like, the outfit alone was barely forgivable, but combined with ratty hair and poofy bangs? I looked really. Really. Bad.

I don't think I could have been more embarrassed.

I mean really. Why couldn't this guy have shown up five years ago, when I still wore cute outfits around the place? Or why couldn't he have shown up last weekend, when I was wandering around in nothing but a sarong because it was so damn hot?

Oh well. I guess next time I see him I'll look surprisingly awesome right?



Blogger JonTheNiceGuy said...

So, as a guy, I'm sure I can tell you that if he's worth anything... he will have looked past the way you were looking when you didn't feel your best, and saw how great you are.

If he didn't he's not worth a shiny brass penny.

Also, if you were at your *absolute* worst, just imagine how he'll feel when he sees you at your super duper tip-top best? Am I right? :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 8:12:00 am  
Blogger Just Sayin... said...

Neighbours still introduce themselves? I love where you live!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 8:51:00 am  
Anonymous narami said...

I think we have to address something here: his name is Steve?! That's basically every good male character on a romantic comedy. Good sign or bad sign?

xoD No seriously, I loved this post because it has happened to everyone and yes, one wants to magically disappear but then he'll see you all prettied up (because you'll get prettied up and go give him his welcome gift, of course) and there, first impression goes away.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 2:32:00 pm  
Blogger Solitary Diner said...

I agree with Narami - I think it's time to bake some muffins for the neighbour and put on something cute.

Hmmm...or maybe muffins are too obvious/matronly. Maybe the fact that I can't think of anything better than muffins explains why I'm still single.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 2:37:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well hey, thanks Jon! :) Heh.

It is very sweet JS, for sure :)

Sorry Narami, I just gave him that name! lol

Well, SD, I've seen him in the hallway since, so he knows I'm not quite that weird looking ;) (And C-Dawg suggested cookies)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 4:31:00 pm  
Anonymous e said...

This post made me laugh so hard !!

Now what you need to do is dress up (but don't look like you tried) and go knock on his door and welcome him to your building, with freshly baked cookies (well maybe that's trying too hard)


Tuesday, July 12, 2011 5:46:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah, when I read it again it is pretty funny. Just wasn't at the time! lol

Heck, I don't even make cookies for myself, this guy doesn't get any! Hee!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 5:55:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I met my husband when i looked my absolute worst and now we're married :) When someone catched you off guard or off your game it's sometimes a good thing

Wednesday, July 13, 2011 7:26:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

That can be true Anon! :)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011 4:34:00 pm  
Blogger Jonathan said...

I don't know if I'm a typical example, but I never tend to notice if somebody isn't looking bad (although saying that, I did notice my youngest daughter had a Hitler moustache made of chocolate spread when she greeted me at the end of our drive last night when I got home).

I do tend to notice is somebody's hair is different, and always try to say it looks nice (ok... so there is only one girl in the office I share at the moment - but she has nice hair)...

I come across as a Woody Allen pile of neurosis, don't I...

Thursday, July 14, 2011 4:55:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Nah, you just come across as nice :)

Thursday, July 14, 2011 5:11:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd definitely get into a sexy outfit and go welcome him to the buliding! Forget the cookies. Take him a bottle of something and then maybe he'll ask you in to have a drink with him.

Yes, I have done this before! ;-)

Thursday, July 14, 2011 8:49:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Lol. Awesome!

Thursday, July 14, 2011 9:08:00 pm  
Blogger Sharron said...

You could have been in there like swimwear :) stumbled across your blog and liking what I am reading

Saturday, July 16, 2011 1:53:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...


Well, thanks! :)

Sunday, July 17, 2011 12:24:00 am  

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