Wednesday, 17 August 2011

More Babble

I feel like I could write a post an hour right now; my feelings and thoughts are so changeable and strong.

Which is great in some ways because hello, no writer's block! Um, yay?

I'm willing to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe. If, when we do get to talk, he has something reasonable and realistic to say? He'll be at strike one and a half. Or maybe two. I'm wary now.

As I said early on, my feelings as I'm sitting here trying to be patient and understanding while I wait vary and switch.

It seems that as the day goes on, I get angrier. I was at the gym yesterday wanting to blow off some steam but by the time I was done my stretching I was more frustrated with the situation than when I went in. So here are my angrier babbles...

I think we both know we had a good basis to build off of, and who wouldn't want to pursue that? Maybe he's not as ready for a relationship as he thought? And how is that fair to me?

I don't know much about this guy as a potential relationship partner other than the fact that he's funny and attractive and we have a lot in common. I don't know if he's gentle or kind or thoughtful or strong or supportive or loving, I don't know that yet, but I was willing to find out. And, most of the time, am still willing to find out.

If I wasn't interested in him? I wouldn't care and would have told him not to contact me and good luck.

I think also what's frustrating me is that I *am* waiting. This hasn't been the busiest of weeks for me (and I'm not complaining at all about that) but it means that I haven't had a whole lot else going on to distract me. As a few of you have said, in this kind of situation, the best thing to do is put it away and move on, and in some ways I'm annoyed at myself for lingering. But I'm still in that "just in case" sort of mode. Which, if things don't go positively, will annoy and irritate me even more I'm sure.

So now that I've babbled out one of my more frustrated thoughts, I'm going to go and try to get back to the place that's an easier one to wait in. That place of peace and calm that it is meant to be and will work itself out.

That quiet hopeful place I know will be right one day about someone.

Because I don't know what he's thinking and although I've certainly imagined a thousand things he might be thinking, I don't know and I can't know and I won't know until I hear from him. Which... I hope I do.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, so first, if I were a guy, I'd be thinking, "We've only been out on a couple of dates and we're already in the deep stuff, we're already kinda arguing, and she already seems on the insecure side? No thanks!" Actually, as a woman I'd think the same thing. And, I would probably just walk away, knowing that talking it out would make is worse, and after a couple dates, it wouldn't be worth it to me.

Second, have you asked yourself why your feelings are so strong, for a guy you don't know? You said yourself, "I don't know much about this guy as a potential relationship partner other than the fact that he's funny and attractive and we have a lot in common. I don't know if he's gentle or kind or thoughtful or strong or supportive or loving, I don't know that yet, but I was willing to find out."

I think working out why you're so hung up on someone you don't know is more imporant than why he's not getting back to you. I know . . . it's the what if stuff in the back of your mind that kills you. Been there!

Sometimes people think they want a relationship and then decide they don't. And, sometimes people want a relationship, but just not with you (or me, or whoever). It is what it is. If a man wants to be with a woman, he will move mountains to get to her. It's true. And, that's what you should want and feel like you deserve, and if he doesn't deliver, walk away.

- JM

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 9:01:00 am  
Blogger Perpetual Blind Date said...

I already love your blog, can't wait to read tomorrow! - Alyssa

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 11:40:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

36 and single is right.

So I was in the same position with this girl a couple of weeks ago. She hadn't called me back and I was waiting for weeks. She just called me back (3 weeks from when she should have) and told me that she was busy in summer school.

But now she wants to go out. She's funny, smart, etc. But guess what else she is....f(*&&ing crazy as hell. I don't want to get into details on the internet. But she is really fu*&*ing nuts. She said some things to me in our last conversation that were really mean, crazy, and hurtful.

So the moral of the story is be careful what you wish just might get it.

And while I waited weeks to hear from her and thought about her for hours...I am now about to write her an email telling her to leave me the f*&*& alone and not contact me again.

Good luck with things :)+=

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 12:28:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I hear ya 36, and yes, am trying to figure out my own end of what I'm thinking and feeling too, for sure :)

Aww, thanks Alyssa :)

I'm sorry she ended up being mean and not nice Anonymous. No one deserves that :(

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 4:50:00 pm  
Blogger Singlicious said...

When I read your post, I was planning to write a comment that said pretty much exactly what I then saw 36andsingle had already said. As she commented, you wrote, "I don't know much about this guy as a potential relationship partner other than the fact that he's funny and attractive and we have a lot in common." You're right--you don't know much about him. The feelings you have towards him, therefore, I'd venture to guess, are mainly about you.

When I was in my 20s, a roommate said something like "some women have a bundle of feelings they carry around and pin on any guy who comes along and seems promising." (Yep, that described me at the time, and for many years afterwards.) There is of course the "what if?"/wanting more/wanting to have found the one. But the latching on so quickly has universally scared them away, in my experience.

For what it's worth, when I advise moving on, what I mean is moving on in your head, letting go. It doesn't mean not taking his call if and when he does contact you, or refusing to see him. It does mean not keeping your Saturday night open for him or whatever, "just in case." (Is that wat "just in case" mode means to you, or is it something else?) The reality is that if he wants to see you, he'll call you and you'll find a time that works for both of you. If he's interested and has to wait a few days or a week to see you, that'll just fuel the fire, not cool his ardor, believe me.

I jokingly told my neighbor that sometimes I think men have a giant conspiracy to keep women hung up on them so we won't use our collective brainpower for more important things and take over the world. :-) That perspective helps me let go a bit when I'm obsessing.

Good luck!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 5:36:00 pm  
Blogger The Ex Student said...

Ok. You deserve better than this. If this is what is happening after a couple of dates, who knows what he's going to try and pull on you after a couple months?

I suggest you make your schedule busy, stop worrying about why this guy needs his space, and live your life. You deserve better than waiting around for this guy to get his head out of his butt. Besides if you're out and about when he finally does come out of hiding, it might make him shake his head and realize what a tool hes being!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 9:42:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I totally hear what you guys are saying Singlicious and I have mentally let it go (almost totally) Took me a few days, but, yeah... Thanks. And I love your brainpower thing! Hilarious ;)

Fair enough The Ex :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 9:44:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

36 and single is on point. and anonymous, minus the nutty part - ie. he got all hung up about the failure to be touch which was not due to disinterest but rather a busy schedule. who knows what your would-be beau has going on right now? and even if it nothing - or just getting his head straight, or whatever, it's not worth obsessing over.

all good wishes, regardless of what happens.

anonymous #2

Thursday, August 18, 2011 12:53:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Anonymous #2 ;)

Thursday, August 18, 2011 5:42:00 pm  

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