Wednesday, 11 January 2012


Wook at the Wittle PUPPY! by foundimagination
Why do I have such a hard time stopping doing things that annoy me?

Or stopping doing things that I KNOW aren't good for me?

It took me forever to stop reading a terrible, horrible, nasty, celebrity gossip blog that I did not enjoy reading. I felt angry at the mean things that were said and yet I kept going back.

It took me a stupidly long time to forbid myself from going back and man am I glad I stopped.

The frustration being, why didn't I stop the moment it felt wrong?

I don't enjoy reading things that make me feel that way, yet I'm doing it again. I forbade myself from going to a site that does nothing but anger, frustrate and irritate me and yet, there I was again last night, checking the site and coming away angry, frustrated, irritated and annoyed.

So why don't I just stop?

And why do I continue to dump a handful of Skittles into my hand when I know my tastebuds would be happy enough with two or three?

Why do I look at the extra fat on my body and vow to start eating within my daily caloric intake and yet when it comes down to it, I shrug, throw whatever it is into my mouth and chomp away.

Why don't I just stop?

I know I'm stubborn.

I've seen myself stubbornly and determinedly push myself through things.

I've run 10Ks for crying out loud.

And I've lost all the weight I've been putting back on for the past three years by being stubborn.

I've taken a photo a day for 365 days. I CAN BE STUBBORN.

So why am I not?

Why do I keep doing this thing that frustrates me so?

Why do I keep eating like I'm not carrying twenty extra pounds?

Why am I unable to overcome my stubbornness with my stubbornness?

It's frustrating.

Really really frustrating.


e said...

Hey V, I am going through the same thing... *hugs*

Kate said...

I felt the exact way about Facebook - i think I deactivated my account about 5 times in the last few years but finally, FINALLY - I've been FB free for 5 months and I have no desire to ever go there again. Don't be too hard on yourself - we are all imprefect :-)

Victoria said...

Ugh e, grrrrr! So, yes hugs!

Yeah Kate, that's one of the reasons I've never gone on Facebook!