Thursday, 19 January 2012

A while back, I went for drinks with a friend and her boyfriend.

At a certain point in the night, a buddy of my friend's boyfriend joined us and the two of us flirted a bit.

I thought he was cute, but it turned out he had a girlfriend, and I am not one to flirt with a guy who's already taken, so I seem to remember avoiding him for the rest of th evening.

This weekend, my friend randomly mentioned that this guy was single again. That he had his girlfriend had broken up.

While a few years ago my thought might have been "Oooh! We flirted, he liked me, we should get together," my thought now is "I wouldn't want to date a guy who was happy to flirt with another girl when he was in a relationship."

I'm sure there will be some who tell me this is an over-reaction, but I want to trust the next guy I'm with, and having already seen this guy "in action" so to speak, I wouldn't have a great deal of trust in him from the start.

And that's no way to start anything.


Elliott said...

Hi Victoria, I've been reading for awhile and really like your writing and sense of humour.

I think you're right on with your approach. No point setting yourself up for potential heartbreak later when you've already seen the pattern in real life. I don't think you can start seeing someone when you already have trust issues in your mind.

Do you have an email address? I'd like to send you a story that's too long for the comments.

Victoria said...

That's very true Elliott.

And I'm fairly sure you can find an email for me on my flickr profile

Anonymous said...

Is flirting really that bad? he didn't ask you out, after all. I think you might be overreacting a little.

Victoria said...

I could be.

Lesley said...

Completely agree, years ago, I also would have thought the same thing, oh he liked me, etc. But now that I'm older, I would think the same thing you're saying, if he flirted with me while in a relationship, whats to stop him from flirting with someone else, if we're in a relationship.

I suppose the flip side could be that if you meet someone off the street or a dating site, you have no preconceived notion, so they may be just like the flirting guy, but you just don't know. That's part of the risk.

Go with your gut, I'm totally on the same page!

Victoria said...

Yeah, that is part of the risk for sure. But yes, going with my gut on this one ;)

Anonymous said...

Me again, anonymous.Same anonymous as before.
Maybe some people just flirt a little for fun but they'd never do anything really bad to their partner. Like they'd have a beer but never drink themselves sick?

It's really easy to give up on people, but real people aren't perfect.

Victoria said...

I hear what you're saying