Thursday, 9 February 2012
Out of Just Me, Really
Yeah, well, I think it just makes an ass out of me.
I am (almost) always well intentioned. And when it comes to people I care about, I try to do what it is they'd most appreciate even if I'm just guessing, or assuming, what that is.
Like my friend here (in our building) who just had a baby. I ran into her in the hallway and she said "drop by any time!" and I said "well, I don't like to just drop by on people who have babies in case they're sleeping or I interrupt quiet time or something."
"I have a toddler," she replied "there IS no quiet time!"
So my assumption that I would be interrupting if I went and knocked on their door to say hi and get some baby snuggle time is... apparently wrong.
And makes me feel like an ass.
I go through an especially hard time when my friends have babies because I don't know how to interact with them. I don't want to call in case it's a bad time. I don't want to stop by in case I wake up the baby. I don't want to accept an invitation to come over in case the baby ends up having diarrhea or the family is overwhelmed and exhausted but just too polite to cancel.
So I have some friends I haven't seen in years, because babies turn into kids and now we can't just do something on the spur of the moment because someone needs to watch the child and I feel bad for even asking.
People keep telling me they're pregnant and there are a lot of my friends who are going to be having a baby or have already had a baby or are about to have baby number two and I feel socially awkward in that I don't know how to be their friend anymore because I don't want to interrupt or annoy or irritate or anything.
But, yeah. That's the most obvious example I can think of how my attempt to do what I think/assume you'd want me to do doesn't necessarily work out in the best way, even though it's with the best of intentions.
So I'm trying not to assume.
Or, at least, I'm trying to assume less and less.
I'm not going to assume that you'll ask me over if you want me over, because maybe you're sitting there in your house assuming that if I wanted to come over I would come over and man now we're all confused and sitting home alone.
And I'm going to try to not assume I know what people are thinking about me because that doesn't end up anywhere good either.
Maybe it goes back to what I keep hearing people say to their kids; "use your words!"
Maybe I can keep working on saying what I think/feel/wonder and can hope that everyone else is trying to do the same.
Or maybe that's just another erroneous assumption?
"Ass out of me" indeed.