Tuesday, 27 November 2012

The Conversation

Gently by foundimagination
It was a really good conversation.  Really.

Again, I felt freed by the fact that we did have history, that there was no reason to hide anything or be untruthful, or pussyfoot around.

"Let's just be straightforward and honest here.  As awkward as this whole conversation might be."

Did you ever cheat on me?

Have you ever cheated on your wife?

Are you considering the idea of sleeping with me?

. . .

Are we going to?

And that was the core of it.

Yes, we both wanted to throw everything out the window and find out what it would be like to sleep with each other again.  He was certain that it would still be great.  I told him I was worried it wouldn't be.

But as much as we both wanted to, and enjoyed playing around with the idea, we both agreed that we weren't going to.

It was a very mature conversation, one that I don't think I ever thought I'd have, but still.

It would be easy enough to say it wasn't really all that wrong.  We're not looking to be in a relationship, I'm not wanting him to leave his wife for me.  We both are just curious about how it would be, and are both looking for a little fun and distraction in our lives.

But we both are people of integrity, and know right from wrong and while some could argue that even him being at my place, having the conversation is cheating, I think it's a more honest way to deal with things than "I don't know, it just happened, and we accidentally discovered ourselves in bed together."

So, that's that.

Vince and I aren't going to be having sex.  I'm not going to sleep with my married ex.

I enjoy knowing, very much, that there's a part of him that wants to, or at least thought about it, that's flattering to me, and a happy, as many of you said, complimentary thought.

I know I would regret it had we decided to take the next step.  I would convince myself that it wasn't all that bad (he's an ex, we're not trying to end the marriage, it's just for fun, it almost doesn't count because we've done it already and it would probably be bad and we'd never want to do it again and, blah blah blah) but I would have felt guilty, and that's not worth it in the long run.

When I talked to a friend about it, he said, I won't judge you either way, but ask yourself this... are you going to, on your death bed, regret having slept with a married man?

And I thought about it a moment, knowing he thought my answer would be "Heck no!  I should just go for it!"  But my answer was yes. I think I would.

There's so much more that has come out of this for me, and specifically things from the rest of this two or three hour conversation we had, but I'll get to them.

I feel better know, having talked through it all, and knowing we're both on the same page.  I think I can sleep again.

Which is great.


Blogger Tom Natt said...

Well for what it's worth, I'm impressed with how you've handled it.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012 8:36:00 am  
Anonymous michelle said...

Wow I have to say you seem so calm, collected, and well mature about it all. I agree with you. I would have toyed wit the idea of such an opportunity if it were presented to me, and like you I believe, have to believe my good side would have won out.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012 4:36:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Tom. I kind of am too :)

Well thanks Michelle, but I certainly didn't feel calm! Oh boy! ;)

Tuesday, November 27, 2012 8:23:00 pm  

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