Saturday, 19 January 2013

Deep Breath

My Coast by foundimagination
I know for some people, what's happening with Jay and I, or even just with me, really, is unsettling, or not... understandable.

And I completely get that.  Were I on the outside, looking in on this, I wouldn't understand or trust, or even believe in what was going on.

Perhaps in a similar way, I've had a hard time trusting two of my good friends who have recently gone through separations and divorces, and got into new relationships.  From the outside, it felt, to me, that they were moving too quickly, not protecting themselves from further hurt.  And it was hard to celebrate with them when I just wanted to make sure they were going to be ok in the long run.

But that's also what friendship is about, no?  Being there for them if they aren't ok in the long run.  And being happy for them if and when they are.

In terms of the situation I am currently in, well, to paraphrase Jay's own words, here... we are both very aware of the risks and have talked about them and have chosen to try to reduce them.  To bear them in mind, be, aware of them.  We have also agreed to get to know each other once we meet.   Which I think is key.

What we have right in this moment may not translate into person when we meet.  And we're both ok with that.  We have committed to being willing to start again, completely from scratch when we do meet, to start to get to know each other, as two people just meeting for the first time and to see where things go from there.

And knowing that we can't control that, can't control how things will go when we do meet, we've both chosen to be happy in the moment.  To enjoy the relationship we have with each other right now, right here and now, for what it is in this moment.  To not spend our time thinking about the future, well, really, to not waste our time thinking about the future.

What we have right now is really really cool.  And it makes both of us happy, and there's no harm in that.  As for the rest?  We know.  We're aware. And we'll figure it out.

I think, honestly, that the concerns some people have are legitimate, and expected, and neither of us is ignoring them, and I would probably have the same concerns if someone else were to find themselves in a situation similar to this one.  I mean, I still have concerns that one of my friends' new girlfriend is talking about moving from her hometown to be with him and he's not yet legally divorced.  When you care about someone, it's hard not to have concerns for their feelings.

But Jay and I are... I think, going to be ok, even if things don't go the way we would both (or maybe all of us) like it to go.  In the future.

The same future that isn't quite here yet.

6 Comments:

Blogger Just Sayin... said...

What we have right in this moment may not translate into person when we meet.

.... That is perfect. I've done the long distance thing, online, on the phone, etc, and all that chemistry can indeed be a miss in person.

I think you're going about all this 100% correct. You're communicating, and while it's exciting, you're both being realistic that it might just not mesh in person.

My fingers are crossed for you!!!

xoxoxo

Saturday, January 19, 2013 9:58:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks :)

Sunday, January 20, 2013 12:25:00 am  
Blogger Matt79 said...

I agree with Just Sayin' - I think it's great that you're aware of uncertainty in the future but enjoying the present and letting the future hold whatever it will hold. And either way I'm glad that it's been so enjoyable so far!

Sunday, January 20, 2013 5:38:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah, thanks Matt :)

Sunday, January 20, 2013 1:36:00 pm  
Anonymous michelle said...

HI Victoria - Love can be found in all sorts of ways, it doesn't have to be traditional, just smart. Do you two have an actual plan to meet?

Sunday, January 20, 2013 1:39:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

You're right Michelle and yes we do :)

Monday, January 21, 2013 6:54:00 am  

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