Wednesday, 24 July 2013

It's Disappointing

She's A Brick.... by foundimagination
I reached an interesting frustration level with Jay last week, one that just further reminds me that I was right to end this long distance portion of things earlier rather than later.

Jay really does seem to have shiny object syndrome, so much so that I feel like he could be one of those guys they turn into a joke.  Like, a naked woman could be dancing in front of him but he'd be so focussed on what he's interested in, he wouldn't even notice.  Or he'd ask her to please move, she was blocking his computer screen.

I've been happy enough to maintain conversation with Jay via text.  To send him a hello or a funny thing here and there.  But I sent him one the other night, after a personally challenging couple of days, saying that I wish he was here and his response was, "do you know anyone who's coming to Vancouver this week?"

I thought that was a little bit of an odd response, because when we were first getting to know each other, very much long distance, or when we were together but away from each other, that kind of message would have elicited a different response.  A "just imagine I am there" or a "me too."

Now, granted, we're not together any more, so I figured that maybe this was his way of inviting me over to Vancouver.

I asked why, and it turns out he wanted someone to bring him a computer his friend was loaning him.  Was hoping I knew someone in Victoria who'd take it over to him.

I didn't.  And I was frustrated.

I started to think about how often Jay and I have talked (or really, I should say "talked") since he was last here and I realized that most of the time, I hear from him when I initiate the contact.

So I decided that wasn't even much of a friendship, and that I should start to put less effort into maintaining this "relationship", and so I left off texting him.

The next time I heard from him, he contacted me to ask for a favour.

I was really angry, but I thought maybe I was over-reacting. 

Was I extra mad because it was *him* asking?  Would I have been less frustrated by someone else asking?

Or was it because that's the only time he thinks to talk to me... when it suits him, when he has need of me, or the potential thereof.

I know he's really focussed right now, has a specific thing on his mind, but still... It's hard for me to keep seeing this side of him, and it makes me wonder if we would have lasted as long as we did if he hadn't been living with me, therefore making *me* the shiny object directly in front of him.

I don't know, I just know it hurts when you find out someone is less than you'd hoped they were.

But maybe that's the wrong way to see it.


Likalia said...

I know it isn't the same, but I have been dealing with a very similar problem with a very good(?) friend of mine.
He only contacts me when he needs/wants something; it is always me making sure the relationship is moving forward. When he is around he expounds on how important my friendship is, but his actions don't relay the same message.
It is difficult do determine what to do. I am coming to the conclusion that sometimes people just aren't ready to live up to the potential you see in them and you have to be okay to walk away. Though it sucks on many levels, I am starting to think that if they really are important in your life then they will realize it and make amends.
Of course it all still just sucks.
Why is it people just don't realize how wonderful we are when we are right in front of them? *shakes head*

Victoria said...

You know what, I had a friend of mine tell me something similar a couple of years ago. She said she was frustrated with my lack of effort and that she preferred we just not continue being friends. I was hurt, but respected what she was saying...

But, yes, it all still just sucks. I guess they don't realize how awesome we are because they were dropped on their heads while they were babies? ;)

Hugs back at cha