Wednesday, 13 November 2013


I got a text from the "few dates before Burning Man" guy.

He said he'd just thought of me and how was I?

We chatted back and forth a bit and then he asked if I'd like to catch up over coffee.

I told him that I didn't want to just now, but maybe in a bit.

He assured me he wasn't asking as a date, but just in a friendly way and I told him that that was fine, I was just being a bit of a social hermit right now.

He said he understood, but that as a major extrovert, he was finding his current studies were keeping him very much away from people, and would I like to switch to his quiet lifestyle and he to mine?  (My job calls on me to be extroverted, hence my need and desire, as a more introverted personality, to sometimes just be alone in my down time.)

We left it on a friendly note but I was thinking about it the next day.

Part of what I'd found difficult about "dating" him was his energy.  And it may be an introvert-extrovert thing.

I don't want to spend my free time with someone who is BIG and ENERGETIC all the time.  I need a calm, quiet energy for my "me" time.

And I'm sure this guy has his quiet moments, but being around him was just too much work.

That'll maybe only make sense to those of you on the introverted side of things.

I have another great friend who's the same.  Sometimes he'll call me and I just don't feel like I want to answer the phone because I know the conversation will take a certain amount of energy I just don't always have.

It's interested to have had this realization and I wonder if this fellow would appreciate hearing that it's a personality thing, not a "you're not a cool guy" thing.

Or maybe it's just as easy to let it go.

But then I remember that I saw him smoking and...well, yeah.  Anyway.

It may also be part of why online dating has been harder for me than for others.  I think the meeting a stranger for a blind first date thing is much, much easier for natural extroverts than it is for those of us who need quiet down time.  It's not that we are shy or quiet, just that it's a lot to be out there and charming in a new situation, especially if we're in a day to day job or lifestyle that requires a lot of energy and out-there-ness already.

I need to feel relaxed when I meet a potential partner and I'm not at all relaxed with these first dates.

Something for me to think on, I guess.


Anonymous Dominic said...

Wednesday, November 13, 2013 8:22:00 am  
Anonymous Elliott said...

I was going to give you the same link as Dominic.

The hamster ball is such a perfect analogy. I'm such a hamster ball person. Interacting with people all day long in my job leaves me completely drained and I just want to recharge in my hamster ball when I get home.

I completely understand what you're saying.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013 8:36:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Hey, I guess my entire apartment is one giant hamster ball, you guys! :D

Wednesday, November 13, 2013 5:23:00 pm  

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