Not A Disney Movie

By Friday, I'd already had a terrifically long week, but had really enjoyed chatting with Jason every night.

It's funny (scary?) how quickly things become a habit, or something you look forward to at least.  And I really liked talking to him, even if some things he said or did rubbed me the wrong way sometimes or frustrated me or whatever.

I felt nervous on Friday, as I always do when meeting someone new.  That wasn't a surprise.  But we'd already found that we at least got along, and had lots to talk about, and we'd gotten over the initial nervousness (I can actually tell from his voice when he's feeling nervous and when he's calming down and by the end of our first week of talking it was almost like a different person.  Made me really wonder if that's how I'm coming across on my first dates...) and we talked about how the worst case scenario was that we found we weren't sexually attracted to each other, at least we would have made a new friend.

(I told him I wasn't looking for a new friend, but that yeah, I guess we already did know we liked each other on a basic level, if not a romantic one.)

Jason doesn't have a car right now (long story I'm sure... he seems to have a lot of those.  Again, I either don't care or don't want to know... or something) so he was going to get a ride from his roommate or catch the bus and I suggested that I'd rather not wait too too long, so about an hour or two after I got home from work he was on his way and then my door buzzer went and I was like... oh crap.

I've said it before that no one ever looks like their pictures, and Jason was no exception.

I remember when I first started talking about online dating, and/or maybe when I first started talking about getting to know Jay before meeting him, people warned that it's dangerous to talk too long to a stranger online because you build up this idea of who they are and when you meet them it's really strange and weird and hard to readjust.

I remember seeing Jay and thinking that he was so much smaller than I'd thought he would be.

And I remember seeing Smith for the second time and thinking that he was a lot less handsomer than I'd remembered.

And when I got to the bottom of the stairs and saw Jason, he did not look how I expected.  And this will probably go down in some book of ridiculous reactions, but I saw him, saw him being so much not what I'd imagined, or seen in his pictures, saw his smoker's teeth, which made me really question what on earth I was doing when I know how I feel about smokers and, you guys I ran away.

Like, I literally ran away from him.

I felt so shy and weirded out and who the hell was this guy who was striding into my building in his long coat that I ran up the stairs, figuring he'd follow, and hid behind my door.

I couldn't even look at him.

I mumbled something about come on in and then I ran to my couch and literally hid under my blanket.

My neighbour howled with laughter when I told her this.

I guess it is funny.

It is not at all a mature reaction, I'm aware of that, but it's what happened.

I ran away from him.

Gah.