Thursday, 28 August 2014

Time Keeps On Ticking, Ticking, Ticking...

It was interesting looking over some of my pre-Burning Man posts from last year.  Because I feel like I've been just as anxious/worried, but for sort of different reasons.

The ticket getting thing was a major stress.  The possibility of a ticket not showing up for Connor and me therefore having to drive myself was a big stress.

Not feeling 100% my best stomach wise from the stress was a stress.

My parents are moving, work is weird, Jason's stressed, there's been a lot of stress going on.

Plus, I don't really know what I'm getting myself into...quite.  I mean, sure I know what Burning Man is kind of, but there's no way to know what I will do or see or experience.  Maybe I'll do better with the heat.  Maybe I'll meet some really awesome people.  Maybe I'll have even more fun than last year.

Will Connor and I be joined at the hip?  Will I feel bad if I don't want to spend time with him?  Will I be able to find him a nice lady friend to hang out with?  What will the weather do?  Will it rain?  Be crazy windy?  Dusty?  Hot?  Cold?

So many unknowns.

And so while last year I was maybe most worried about the trip itself and travelling with strangers and all of that, I'm still worried.

How will it be with just Connor and I and no other people to talk to or buffer or interact with?  What if I get tired of him?  Will I offend him?  Should I care?

I'm sure what will happen on the road will happen and we have BCAA coverage and I trust Connor in that way and we've discussed the "we're just friends" thing (discussed it last year at the Burn actually.)  And I'm worried about getting home in time, and what if X, Y, or Z happens and I'm stuck in the desert with no way to let work know I'm stranded?

And what if I meet someone who seems cool but then I can't get myself out of the conversation with them or the food that I'm getting isn't good or we get pulled over at customs or... I just...

I'm still worried.

Or I mean, I was.  Seeing as by the time this posts I'll have been in Black Rock City for most of a week and am probably so grateful I went through all this stress and worry and whatnot to be there.

Part of what's been hard has been the things that have not been under my control.  Like the postal service delivery.  I can't control that.  At all.  Not when it would arrive or anything and the whole waiting from dawn to dusk for delivery?  Not fun.

And Jason got really sick the days he was supposed to work on my bike and I didn't know what to do so that was also out of my control, because I offered to just leave it as is but he really wanted to help and fix it up so I had a lot of anxiety and stress about that.

I think a lot of it was time stresses.  I'm not a "leave it to the last minute" person at all.  AT ALL.  And way too much of the details of this particular trip were still coming together extraodinarly last minute.  Which pushed my worry buttons too too much.

Which threw off my body.

Which made things worse.

Rinse and repeat.

So, yeah, I worried last year, and I worried this year.  Maybe it's a newbie thing?  Maybe when I go again I'll have even less to worry about.

Right?

Right.  Let's go with that.
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