Monday, 2 March 2015

Forward

So, March, wow. It feels like January and February just flew by... even if they weren't emotionally easy months, it's still a bit of a surprise that we're here.

I had a few panicky moments last week when I tried to mentally think through sorting out my finances, so this weekend I sat myself down and went through it step by step, bit by bit.

I haven't done that in a while; it's not something I enjoy doing.  I much prefer to just "know" I'm ok money wise and go about my day and living within a budget is a sort of daily reminder that things aren't quite ok and it's a small stress I'd prefer to just ignore.

But I've ignored it for the last year or so and here's where I ended up.  Stressed.

So, budget it is.  I worked out how much I usually spend a month and found a little iPhone app that I can use to help me track it with the theory being that if I have a daily check in on how my spending is going, maybe I'll even be under budget and start being able to save for events coming up (C-Dawg's wedding, trip down to Burning Man, etc.) and hopefully fill my savings accounts back up.

I don't know.  I don't like talking about money.  I don't like having to think about money.  I really don't like feeling stressed about money and I don't like having to think about those small non-necessary purchases that I'd ordinarily just get.

Case in point?  My co-worker always smells nice and after my delightful head massage last weekend they sprayed something on me that sort of smelled like her and I liked it enough to ask her what she uses as a scent.  She told me it was an Aveda spray and that a bottle was $45 and as it was pay day, I should go treat myself!

Well, $45 is not in my budget right now and may not be for a long time, or at least until I figure out how to settle into this budget in a reasonable way and not being able to do down and "treat" myself, well I know it's not the end of the world and I'm lucky to have a job and an income... it's still just a reminder that I'm constrained and needing to keep things tight so it feels like I'm constantly on alert.

I'm hopeful that things will turn around quickly, even if the speed at which they do so is not quite what I would dream of.

But yeah... not thrilled, not relaxed... frustrated, sad and stressed, just a little, every day.

I guess I hope I enjoyed my time of not caring at all about what I spent.  Because now it's time to (insert cliché saying here.)
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