Third Time Lucky

I've heard it said that your third burn is a hard one.

That perhaps the newness of it all that had you in awe your first burn, and the excitement of return that championed your second burn have both faded, leaving you with the reality of what is a difficult, challenging, and often far from perfect experience.

My third burn, however, was pretty damn awesome.

I'll start off by slathering a layer of confession over everything here... I did not write in my journal while I was there.

*Gasp*  I know!  But there wasn't time in my days, or evenings and when I did try to make the time to sit for a few to write, my thoughts still couldn't piece together the moments and the days just melted and blurred together so I just let it be and let it go and I was far too happy to really mind anyway.

There are moments of my time that stand out vividly in my mind and memory, but others that have already softened.  There are times where I'm able to place something on a day or night and others where I just know it happened and am not really sure where in the week it took place.

The biggest thing that happened this burn; the thing I am most changed by, is finding Max.

Max, who in the short time I've known him, has shown me more love, compassion, thoughfulness, and joy than any other man I can remember being with.

Max was more than I ever dreamed of and my burn was completely magical.  If still challenging and difficult at times.

When I was leaving Nevada, two weeks ago today, actually... I felt that I never ever wanted to write about Max and I.  I wanted nothing more than to keep it all to myself and to hold it close to my heart and I still do.

I have, over the years, had comments here from those both well meaning and some perhaps less so that have made me wary of sharing this particular part of my journey, and I do not want to have to battle through those who aren't always able to see through the fact that I only share what I want to here.  That my life and experiences are far more complicated than the parts I choose to edit and share online.  But I also know I have some of the most supportive people who come here to share in my journey and who will smile alongside me, and on top of that, I want to remember.  I want to be able to look back, years from now and say ahhh yes... that's how I felt.  That's how it started... those are the details I like to be reminded of.

So my third burn was an entirely new experience for me and I already know I don't have the words to do it justice, but I'll try my best to put together enough to share the bubble of happy I have in my heart right now.

As an old friend said, when I emailed him about my burn and my heart... I guess you're going to have to change the name of your blog now, aren't you?

Yes.  I guess I am, my friends.

Don't let them tell you Burning Man doesn't change your life.  It's been changing mine since Jay and I first talked about going together at the end of 2012.