Not The Same

As I type this, I feel like I've maybe talked about it before, but hey, brain's gonna do what brain's gonna do, right?   But I was thinking the other day about how this anxiety I've been dealing with for the last few months is not something I've really experienced before.

Yes, I've been a worrier.  Yes, I overthink.  Yes, I get nervous about things.  But this?  This is so much MORE than that.

And by "more" I mean... more intense?  More... physically involved?  This is different.  This is new to me.  And I do not like it.

I have wondered if it's possibly hormonally related.  With my body especially (thyroid stopped working when I was a kid so my endocrine (hormone) system is.... sensitive and rather less than "normal") subtle changes can mean more than with other people and women's (and men's too I would venture to suggest) hormones change all their darn lives.  (Why we don't teach young girls this and how it will change their body shape and therefore not to expect their body to ever look the same in their pre-teens, or twenties, or thirties, etc. etc.)  I may mention it to my doctor... or not.  I may try to track it for a while first... or not.  I'm just saying... this is not something I'm used to.  This is that much more uncomfortable.

This "anxiety" is not the same as being a worrier... or any of that.  It's not the same as "freaking out" about getting on a cramped airplane or feeling panicky in a crowd.  This is not... not anything I want to keep having in my life.

I don't know.  There's maybe not much of a point to this post.  I think I just wanted to tell me... future me, or something, that this is not something that has always been part of me or in my life and so there's no reason it should always be in my life or part of me.  To think of it like.... mental food poisoning.  Temporary.  Nasty as all get out.  But temporary.




Now if that isn't the weirdest thought I've come up with today, I don't know what is.