I can't remember how I came to think about it, but it dawned on me that I'm sort of always thinking I should be something else.
Like... I write. Ok. Sure. I write here, and I write some poetry sometimes. But I don't think of myself as a writer. Because I don't write novels. So I'm not a writer and I don't write. My writing ... doesn't count somehow. It's not "real" writing.
Or I do art. But it's not realistic. Or it's not... something enough. It's not mature enough or well developed enough or true to form enough. It's not... what other people do, enough. So it doesn't count.
I could go on. My photography isn't X enough. My art should be better. I'm not an actual writer. I... always always think that I should be something different than what I am. Usually something "better". Whatever that means. And by whose judgement? My own? That with which I was raised? I'm not even sure I know anymore.
And, like I say, I'm not really sure what to do about this realization.
But I'll put it in the back of my head I guess, to think on. Must mean something. Bet it would be a good thing to "get over", you know?
3 comments:
You are your own worse critic, it would seem.
Because you clear are a writer, artist and photographer, among other things.
But then, I think that goes with the anxiety. Hopefully, you'll find a way to convince yourself you are those things.
Ugh... so frustrating. *shakes fist at... something*
I personally very much enjoy your writing and your photographers, therefore you must be a writer and photographer with skills to impress complete strangers. I haven't seen your art, so can't really comment on that aspect of your skills.
I think if you look back many comments have been left saying you can be overly critically of yourself and that your skills are much greater than you give yourself credit for. I think lots of us struggle with being over self critical in many different ways. Whether it is sports, art, work...lots of people tend to be their own worst enemies.
I hope you figure out a way to cut yourself some slack.
Post a Comment