Thursday, 3 March 2016

Sigh

One of the things I'm working on right now is one I find rather frustrating.  But it's getting better too so... that's good.

I find that the worry/anxiety voice/noise likes to start some days as SOON as I'm awake.

As in, when I'm still lying half asleep in bed, not even up yet, just coming to consciousness, that voice will send me a thought.

A worry or stress thought.  Like the other morning I was still hitting snooze and that noise/voice said "you know you can't do the whole drive to Burning Man by yourself.  You don't even remember the portion after the ferry."  And ordinarily, I would kind of jump on board that thought train.  Think about how, no, I don't really know that portion, can't visualize it like I can the final portion, and that maybe it would be ok with a good GPS but that still it would be uncomfortable and then I'd think about getting to gas stations and stopping and wait, what vehicle would I even be going down and then... as you can see, the thought has run away with me and I'm lying there, not even awake, but anxious.  Worried.  With a body that is having physiological symptoms of worry.  So I'd be not even out of bed and already feeling badly and having bad thoughts.  Not fun.

But I'm getting better at shutting those thoughts down first thing in the morning.  (And in general too, but that's a different story and not quite as perfect) It sometimes works to just say "not now", as in... this is not the time for these thoughts, or "this is not helpful" because really, morning is not the most thinky time... and there's a day to get through, and we're not driving anywhere this morning so, not now... this isn't helpful.

And it's better.  It's much better to be getting up to low or no worries rather than getting up and having them revved up too.

Some mornings I still have the jitters; am still worried or worry-thinking.  And there is NO caffeine in the morning anymore as part of that, and some chewable natural remedy things that either help or placebo help (I don't care which) and so while it's still around... that difficult morning wakeup, it's not as bad as it was a while ago when it was happening every darn day, and ruining that day with worry.

It's hard work, this change stuff.  But important to note I do see improvement.  It's not every day anymore.  And it's not even really lasting all morning anymore either.  Perhaps there will be nervous/bad days but right now it's ok.

*gives self a hug*

5 Comments:

Blogger Jason Langlois said...

I'm glad you're starting to see the change, now. And that you're stifling those anxious thoughts first thing in the morning. Rewiring how our brains do stuff is hard.

*sends virtual hugs*

Thursday, March 03, 2016 8:06:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

STUPID THOUGHTS!

*virtual hug received*

Also, I did a banana peel check for you today. Two almost black ones! And a piece of wood. Probably not related.

Thursday, March 03, 2016 7:53:00 pm  
Anonymous Elliott said...

Glad you are seeing an improvement. If you are admitting that, it's got to be a substantial improvement.

Change is not easy. Not easy at all. I know what you mean about mornings, especially with work emails that have rolled in during the night. Global companies are not fun sometimes.

Keep up the hard work.

Friday, March 04, 2016 8:47:00 am  
Blogger Jason Langlois said...

I'm suspicious.

We can't rule out the wood being related. What if that's how the bananas are getting peeled?

And how did you know this was the burning question of my week?

Friday, March 04, 2016 7:20:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks E. And yeah, I can imagine waking up to work emails would be awful. Read recently about a law they're wanting to pass in France to allow workers to NOT check work email and work at home. To ensure they have home/down time.

Jason, we have to rule out the wood, it wasn't there before yet the peels were. I also was walking behind someone in a totally different part of town and they were carrying banana peels and I got all suspicious! But... they put them in the trash, so I didn't have to perform a citizen's arrest or anything. ;)

Friday, March 04, 2016 7:25:00 pm  

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