A few days into said nasty cold, I started taking cold meds. The "sinus" kind, because that was my most annoying symptom... sneeze, sneeze, sniffle, cough, exhaustion, sniffle... sigh.
They weren't working all that well and I mentioned that to C-Dawg who recommended a particular brand, so I snuffled off to the store and bought some.
All week, I've been getting more and more stressed. Which is not unexpected with everything that's going on. But by Friday I was a mess. Absolutely losing it. It was awful. But I went to bed, hoping a good night's sleep would get rid of the stress and cold and I'd feel better.
Woke up Saturday morning still feeling stressed and sick so popped a couple of the new sinus meds.
I don't even know if they helped because I had the worst day I've had in a long long time. It was awful.
Nothing I was doing was making me feel any less anxious. Not even concrete things. I couldn't even make lists because the very act of thinking about making a list would overwhelm me and land me to uncontrollable anxiety.
I called Jason and went to see him. We were going to wash his car and I figured the activity would help distract me, which it did, a bit, but once we were done and sat down for a while I lost it again, completely. And on top of all that I was still sick!.... wait....
I looked at him. It had just occurred to me....
Was it possible that the extreme, un-controllable panic I was fighting off was being fueled by the cold meds? I mean, yes, I have a lot going on, I am stressed, I have problems with anxiety right now but this? This was beyond that. So far beyond that. I was shaking. Unable to calm myself at all. For a moment here or there, but then it would all come rushing back. Jason and I went out for a drink. Yes.. to self medicate... it was worth a shot at this point, to be honest, and I lost it in the restaurant just even trying to explain to him all the areas I was stressed about. And I am almost always able to keep myself together in public. Not this time.
Which, to be honest, made me feel better. Because if this level of freaking out and feeling this horrific wasn't me? Was the pseudo.. whatever ephedrine whatnot that had been in my system for a week and then was amplified by the new "extra strength" brand that morning? Well, you know what? That would end. No more cold meds for me.
I, ironically maybe, felt better sinus-wise when I woke up Sunday morning not having taken anything, so am hoping the cold is on its way out now. My anxiety is still not good and still difficult to manage, but nothing like what it was on Saturday. That was brutal.
I know there are warnings about using these things, but to actually experience that kind of a reaction first hand was bad. I'm pretty gun shy now. Or maybe will just make sure I don't take them for more than a few days in a row. But you guys? That was not fun. At all. It was like the worst ever moments of my worst ever panic attacks for eight hours straight. And I was STILL trying to function on top of it all.
Damn.
Bad cold medication, bad! Go to the corner and stay there and think about what you've done!
Phew. Glad to be through it.
2 comments:
But good you were able to recognize that your response wasn't 'normal' even for your anxiety levels, and then you were able to do something about it. That's one of those things that can really help with managing the attacks (even if it doesn't actually stop them).
I'm sad you were so sick, and I really hope you're going to be feeling better soon. It does sound like the meds were having a reaction.
Yeah, it was a moment of clarity that came out of nowhere that I'm very grateful for, because otherwise I'd just have kept taking more cold meds!
I'm feeling a bit better and only sniffling a little, thanks ;)
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