Tuesday, 24 November 2020

An Example

I have a thing going on right now that's causing me quite a bit of anxiety and I thought I'd use it as an example of how frustrating "having" anxiety can be.

Over the last week or two my upstairs neighbours (pretty sure it's them) have been using packing tape.  Not, like, all the time, but certainly on weekends.  You know the sound... FWWWWWIIIIIIIIIP-tear...  Packing tape...

I'm anxious.

Anxious that they're packing up boxes to move.  

We've had a few folks move out of our building over the last month or two (or more?) and they were all folks I knew and (for the most part) liked. 

The folks above me?  Yeah, I really like them.  They're SO nice and sweet and selfishly.... they're so quiet.

I'm anxious, like not "worried" or "concerned", I am having genuine struggles with anxiety over the fact that they might be moving.

Because if they move (my anxiety says) whoever moves in will be noisy.  Noisier.  

I've dealt with it before in this building and having to ask the manager to let someone know is always stressful for me.  But so is hearing un-necessary noise in a building that has thin floors and walls and little to no soundproofing (I'm guessing none...)

When I had a new neighbour below me and I asked the manager to remind her to watch the placement of her speakers (as they were rattling my couch), I then got an angry knock on my door and that neighbour holding a small speaker and well, yeah, it was stressful (and during a pandemic extra so!) and she mentioned it EVERY time we spoke from then on "I got a noise complaint!!!"  Well no, you didn't... but... anyway...

So now I have someone new moving in below me (I think they're young guys....) and now the possibility of someone(s) new moving in above me?  Oh lord.

I value my quiet so so so much.  Note I didn't say "silence".  But yeah... my anxiety (I need to stop saying "my" but I don't know what else to say...) has me all messed up that my upstairs neighbours might be packing.  Might be leaving.  And might be replaced by noisier people who will make my day to day and my night to night not ok.

I dislike feeling this way and having these thoughts stress me out. 

I know they may just be sending a lot of Christmas parcels or... some other explanation.  I know I could, in theory, knock on their door and ask "ARE YOU ABANDONING ME???" (ahem) but... I, again... can't control anything (me not wanting them to move won't stop whatever living situation they've chosen.  Me wanting quiet neighbours doesn't mean the manager will choose the "right" tenants.)

Now multiply this sort of upsetting thought pattern by... a lot ... and you start to see how exhausting and stressful anxiety can be for someone.

Because yeah, this is just one example, and living with anxiety is exhausting. 


Jason Langlois said...

Yeah, it really does take a lot out of you. *hugs*

Victoria said...

Hugs back at cha.