Welp

We find ourselves at that time of year again, don't we.

A whole bunch of (usually religiously-started) holidays and celebrations and in particular in the part of the world where I live... Christmas.

Because Christmas has been a difficult time for me for the last number of years, I've been slowly backing away from it and while that has had some sad and hard moments, it also has been an attempt to sort of save myself an awful lot of upset.  Which sort of works... a little.

A few years back, notably when I was much sicker than I am now (knock on wood thank you very much) the stress of it all got me very very physically sick.  I'm not sure of the specifics of it (mental health is utterly weird at times.... or, maybe always) but I ended up at Jason's place in a bed sleeping all day, which of course worried my family until I was able to send an email saying "very sick but ok, sorry."

After that year I chose to try try TRY to prioritize my health and well being during this time and it's been bumpy but not as bad as that year.

As I continue to distance myself I do wonder about those who are just not Christmas people.  At all.  And how odd it must be for them to live in a place that very much is.  And yes, sure, there has been some movement towards being a bit more neutral but you have to admit we are still very much a Christmas culture.  I do not have an experience of living in a place that celebrates things SO LOUDLY that I am not part of.  And I know that there really are a lot of celebrations around this time of year so maybe other folks are wrapped up in that that they just sort of ignore the XMAS XMAS XMAS all around.  And I think most workplaces have holiday time or closures around the 25th so it's sort of hard to miss the fact that we're a Christmas heavy... place?

I may see family this year, possibly on *the* day.  Most likely just my parents.  I've shied away from gifts for my grown up siblings which I am still cringing at but holy crap I don't have the money, I so don't.  (Which sucks.)

In slightly related news, we're also in the darkest, physically darkest time of the year and a week from now we will hit Solstice and technically the days will start stretching out again... we're getting there...

The cold is here, off an on and will be here more I'm pretty sure.  Warnings of snow come and go and I don't have a sense of what to expect this year... although I'm anxious (anticipatory, ugh) about the long drive to my new work place if there is a not great snow day or two.  Sigh.

But yeah.  We're here.  It's holiday season.  Christmas time.  Somehow the end of yet another year (with Covid) while I still am pretty sure it's some time in 2020.  You know?