So

I got through yesterday, not well though.

Had to take medication to get out the door due to overwhelm and close to panic attack and just not wanting to go to work.

Got through my short day.  Hated much of it.  All of it?  A little numb from medication.

Got home.  Didn't want to function anymore.  Called Jason, walked around my apartment while talking to him, venting mainly, not sure what all I said.

Felt a bit better after, it helped.

Had a shower.  Washed my hair.  Put on pjs.  Ate.  Felt kind of ok.

Had an evening nap because at 5pm I was desperate to just sleep.  If there was a button I could push to guarantee a sleep I would have gone to bed at 5pm.  (I just wanted to be not conscious and then wake up the next morning having slept.)  So I took a small nap instead.  

Went online, read stuff.  Starting sobbing.  Wanted to write on all social media, wanted to call Jason and ask for the answer... "Why do people keep shooting people?" 

I need to stay offline.  I won't get an answer.  There is no one answer.  People have answers.  I can't fix it, change it or help it.  

So I got through yesterday and will try to do the same today.

May's done.  Weird.  

The days are light so long.  It's amazing.  A real saving grace and help right now.