The Panic(s)

This is an absolute downer of a post to write but it keeps popping into my head which means it wants to be written so here goes...

There are several things that I can't, like really can't think about or talk about or read about right now because they set off enough anxiety to cause or start to cause a panic attack.  And it's hard because I want to know what's going on but I also have to really manage myself to stay on as even a keel as I can.

Here are as many of those things as I can think of and list without panicking myself too badly (typing this already has me anxious... sigh.)

- The environment and the future of our climate and world and so "climate emergency" and all the small things (not so small really) around that.... like old growth logging and oil and gas companies etc.

- Speaking of.... gas prices.  Gas prices continuing to rise and rise and I don't feel comfortable with the idea of public transit or the idea of riding a bike in traffic (which I'd have to do to get to the paths) so I feel stuck and it panicks me and I also like going places to, say, camp but I'm starting to really freak out about gas prices and using gas and no I can't afford an electric vehicle and I don't want a scooter and ok moving on.

- Roe vs Wade and abortion rights and even though I'm probably technically out of childbearing age I am not handling this "situation" well at all and it's really really really upsetting me, but less in a panic way and more in a "break down sobbing" way.

- Money.  And feeling like I could use more than I have while also knowing I am incredibly well off compared to SO many.  But money and my money and everything around it is a huge stressor for me.  (Oh and I don't think I've told you about the ongoing issue with my bank and their "shut down" that caused a huge system error not in my favour that I'm still dealing with over a month later, gah!)  Things of mine needing replaced that I can't afford (mattress, etc.) and things that I can't afford but DO need to replace (tires) and unknown issues coming up I don't have the means to deal with (car repairs).  The apparent rising costs of EVERYTHING.

- And slightly related, housing.  I have a high rent, but because I have lived here a while it is fairly grandfathered in and they are only allowed to raise it a certain amount a year but I panic that I may get kicked out, they may sell and knock it down or something and I will NOT be able to afford the average rent in this town, nevermind if I could even find a place and so that spins me out about having to move and not be where I want to be and all the rest of it.

- Violence.  Violence in my little town, but more notably in the United States, and of course in other countries.  Wars, invasions, hate, all of it, in so many places.  Endless countries it feels like.  I can't.

- My age/health.  My health as I age.  The deterioration of my body as I age, not due to neglect, just to nature and time.  But also due to neglect and my lack of perfection in taking care of myself.

- My retirement.  Or lack thereof.  A combo of money and age.  I don't have anyone to take care of me.  I don't have a spouse to be saving money with.  I don't think I'll have enough money to get whatever care I might need and that would mean some of the horror stories I've heard about old age care.

- Healthcare in this province.  Losing my doctor.  Being unwell.

I could probably think of more, but I'd like to stop now, but there are a large number of really big things going on internally and externally that I really sort of have to ignore because they make me far too anxious and I spin out and/or feel utterly helpless and useless and want to give up.

But yeah, life... it's a lot.  Too much actually.  For me right now at least.  So it's something else I'm trying to figure out for myself.  How to let go of the fear around these things while knowing they're going on and being educated about them but less personally emotionally impacted by them.

(Edit:  I lay in bed last night after writing this and got stressed that I "forgot" things, so yeah, even my anxiety not being "right" makes me anxious apparently!  Sigh)