Uh...

Yeah, ok so the heat knocked me out for a bit there.

Absolutely shattered my attempts to sleep at night which then throws off just... everything and so this last week cooled down and this weekend was actually delightfully cool but man oh man.... I'm still just working hard not to think too far ahead about potential Summer heat, you know?

So yeah, that hot spell was an absolute doozie for my sanity.

Plus, I mean, honestly, life.  

Work's not my fave.  And without talking about it I'll just say that this last while has felt genuinely unsustainable and I feel like there are a lot of internal to me changes that I should/would like to figure out and make happen or else I'm worried I'm going to go right back into major burnout.  Even working just part time.  It *may* be a specific to this type of work thing, or it may (in my guess) be a specific to me thing...

Taking on too much.  Not knowing, accepting, or putting up boundaries that might help me not completely drain myself dry.

Feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders while watching others at work happily do a whole lot less and take on a WHOLE lot less and being both jealous of that and irritated by that.

There was also a "too many straws on this camel's back" moment with Jason a couple of weeks ago that I'm still dealing with (he rubbed me the wrong way too many times and I snapped in a way that sort of has me questioning my friendship with him but also not wanting to lose the friendship I have with him just... nothing feels comfortable right now.)

So the last chunk of days have been a lot.  

In the deep heat all I wanted to eat was carbs.  Sugar... like straight up sugar or carb .... things.  Bread, chips, snacks.  NOTHING healthy or sustaining.  Just crap.  

Anyway.  It's chilly (not really but relative to the heat) and I'm great with that and wish it'd stay like this all the way til Fall but that's not the reality of the world we live in so... yeah.