Well Crap

If you've been around you may remember that in 2016 I bought an old camper van and madly spent less than a week fixing it up enough to drive it down to Burning Man.  It had a break down on the way home, I had to fly back, it lived in a small town mechanic's yard until a local burner very very amazingly drove it back to town for me.

Since then (2017?  18?  Probably 17) it has been parked in front of Jason's house.  I haven't put much money into it partly because I'm kind of traumatized by the whole thing and so it's not currently running and has mainly been used as a storage for camping stuff.  (And it doesn't look pretty, kind of dirty and not perfect.)

I guess a neighbour took offence to it and called in to parking bylaw who came by last week and ticketed it.  Technically speaking, you can't park an RV, camper van, trailer, truck with camper, etc overnight in this town.  And so Jason talked to parking bylaw and asked if we could have two weeks to get it running and into the driveway.  They said yes but also that if it isn't running they're supposed to call the police to get it towed.

I am freaking the hell out.  Like badly.

There are now a whole cascade of things that have to happen on a short timeline to make things even slightly ok.

Jason lives with the homeowner and they have said it's ok to park it in the driveway but there is an old not running truck in the driveway it has to swap with as well as construction material that has to be moved to make room.  So now there are two older vehicles that I have to pay to get running and moved.  And batteries that need swapped out and parts to be put in and old gas to be swapped out and just a whole lot of things and I am freaking out.

I am overwhelmed and don't really have the money for this (credit lines and credit cards here I come I guess... damn) and it's a short timeline and I don't really rely on others so I can't just trust that Jason will handle things and I haven't been ok since this started.  Have barely slept... that first night the ticket was given I couldn't shut my brain off.  Then the next day Jason and I drove all over town buying things to start the process.  On Friday of last week he gave me the day off which I TOTALLY totally needed.  I caught up on my laundry, I actually made it to the gym and a few other things that I've been avoiding or putting off.  

I'm stuck between not feeling capable of handling this and feeling like I'm going to be dealing with way too much panic and anxiety, and also feeling like I have no choice.  Rock and a hard place with additional panic attacks.

Oh and please keep having a day to day life and going to work and all the rest.  

The fact that I'm typing anything about this at all suggests I got some rest and that my anxiety isn't at a 10.  But I'm also going to stop now so that I don't push myself into a panic.

All this to say I'm not sure I'll be ok enough to do any writing but I might sit down and try to hammer out a few unrelated ones if I have that energy and stuff.

This is not ideal and I wish it wasn't happening but it is and that's that.

Wish me luck and calm and ease would you?