So I am not well you guys.
And ordinarily I'd try to ride it out and either not have the energy to write or I'd write about completely other things but this time it feels pretty consuming.
A combination of the US election and my own feelings around that (and that of most everyone in my circle to an extent) and then Jason being pushed over an edge by it all, or by whatever's going on for him in his life and so effectively losing him as a safe person and as someone who has been a support for me for a decade and being really worried not just about him but for our friendship and myself within that, I'm not doing well.
I have moments/times of being kind of ok and when I feel that way I try to do the highly necessary things as best I can. I'm terrified that I'm forgetting and missing things and I don't feel like I'm keeping up with tasks and activities so I'm trying to do the things that can't or shouldn't really be ignored. But I'm having some intense anxiety and some horrific depression and it's taking a lot to be functional and slightly more than functional when I need to be.
I am coping at work (I hope) but not getting all the things done, so like I brought some paperwork home and then spilled tea all over it so... you know, not ideal. It's hard to be really good at a job when you're not really sleeping and you're fighting the loss of certain ideals you'd held and people around you are flailing in their own way and you can't really fix or help ANY of it.
I imagine this won't last forever and things won't feel like this forever and I am trying to take things day by day as best I can but wow, I am not at my best and I don't feel solid the grand majority of the time right now.
2 comments:
I wish I could say this doesn't feel like an appropriate response ... but given everything, it seems entirely understandable. Please focus on yourself and trying to keep it together.
Hugs. Thanks. Working on that. (You too)
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