Oh geez. So yeah, I apparently got out of the habit of writing over the holidays and I'd just gotten myself fairly well back IN to that habit before the holidays and now here we are a week or so into the new year (Happy New Year!) and I'm like whoops, have nothing written for next week.... AGAIN!
Let me throw a few anecdotes at you to see if it gets the ball rolling at all....
I had work dreams for the first half of my holiday from work so that was like extra lame. Plus they were "old work" dreams rather than what I'm currently doing so I guess just stress dreams in general.
I turn fifty this year * and I'm a little/lot all over the place about it. Trying to play it cool but also not thrilled about it mentally/emotionally and feeling like I should *do* something but really not wanting to but then trying to convince myself I should want to but the longer I stall the less likely things will be and um, yeah... this kind of sucks, maybe extra because of the general low I feel right now (time of year?)
My brother is going on a two month trip (with wife and daughter) and my parents sent me the itinerary and I cried over it in something close to jealousy but more a sadness that I'm currently unable to (and can not foresee a future in which that changes) afford that kind of travel and that kind of itinerary planned travel and I felt a lot of sadness for myself, even though I know he made different life choices than I did, many moons ago and he and they more than deserve it and I'm happy for them and also sad for myself and feeling like I'm missing things that aren't miles away, they're a sibling away, you know?
So yeah, I'm seeing this writing as more evidence that I'm pretty low right now, so sorry about that. I'll get to happy when I get to it but for now I'm more dragging, more negative, more depressed I suppose, than not. Or maybe that's just right now.
Or not. But at least I'm typing, that's a good thing. And stuff.
*(This month in fact....)
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