Well F*ck

Feel free to skip this as I'm sick (and maybe a little whiny?) and that's not the most delightful combo to read....

The morning of my big ol fiftieth birthday I woke up to pee.  Not unusual, but annoying.  On the way back to bed, however, a cough happened.  And it wasn't one of those tickle in your throat annoying coughs it was a deep in the lungs barking painful "this is not good" kind of coughs.  Oh no.

But I went back to bed thinking it was maybe somehow nothing as I had not been feeling run down or unwell or ANYTHING but I was concerned.  I *know* this type of cough.  I used to get chest stuff more regularly than I'd like.  Bronchitis/pneumonia... it's a cough you get to know.  Shit.

I didn't fall back asleep, I was probably too worried to.  But I also was fairly sure I'd wake up feeling fine because, again, I'd not felt unwell!  No way a sickness could come on this suddenly!?

I got out of bed around 6 as I wasn't sleeping anyway and I knew by that time that I wasn't well.

I dealt with work (not going in) and started taking care of myself as best I could but you guys?  That cough hurt.  And was nasty.  Deep and painful.  I tried to avoid it.  The coughing.  

At a decent time, I let my parents know (via text)  I was cancelling my birthday visit with them and I let C-Dawg and Jason know I was sick (as I might have been seeing them too). I messaged a co-worker to apologize for the short notice and she mentioned that she was also off sick so the logical leap here for me is that whatever I picked up was likely picked up there.  (Sigh.)

I didn't hear back from my parents and so after a few hours I called to make sure they knew and man did I ever sound terrible.  Talking = coughing.  This cough sounds bad.  They said for sure to just stay home and rest.  (I had considered putting on a KN95 and going for a quick visit but they're smarter than my brain was in that moment and were like "we don't want whatever you have"... I mean fair enough.)

It was a strange trip to spend my "big" birthday alone.   And that morning I felt very sorry for myself and not even having cake for my birthday.  I considered asking Jason or C-Dawg to go pick me up one so I could at least have one, or putting a candle in a muffin or something but as the day went on I felt worse and worse and the idea of cake or sweets did not appeal in the slightest.  I did take a covid home test, it came up negative though.  (Google searches suggested bronchitis, which is basically "inflamed breathing tubes.")

I didn't sleep that night.  I was "too hot" (which is ridiculous for this time of year, it was like -2 out and windows were open) and having to have no blanket on but then that was too cold so I'd have to try to find a balance of maybe a sheet and half a blanket.  Lying on my back meant coughing, but lying on my side was too painful, I could not find a way to get comfortable and so sleep didn't happen, or at least not much of it.  I dozed maybe, rested somewhat, but I did not sleep.

The day after my birthday wasn't good.  I took some cold/flu medication around 10 and by 12 I texted C-Dawg that I felt almost human!  I thought maybe I was beating the thing!

I had no appetite but tried to eat at least something.  Fortunately I'd gone shopping a few days earlier and so I had some veg and some muffins I'd made the week before and so I was able to make myself some veg and an egg and feel proud of "eating well" if not all that much.

I had some fruit too and some orange juice but my stomach couldn't stomach the orange juice so I didn't get through much of that, even watered down.  I napped.  Tried not to nap "too" much but I was so tired. 

Late that afternoon though, things got not so good.

At some point I got cold.  Like checking the thermometer in my room cold, but nope, it's not suddenly 10 degrees colder in here.  Then intense freezing cold shivers happened.  Damn.  Checked for fever? Yup.  Fever.  Not HIDEOUS fever but fever nonetheless.  Damn.

I took a bath.  I shivered in the bath.  The parts of my skin that weren't under water were cold.  But I was also trying to relax my back that was now so sore from the coughing.  The god damn coughing that I was still trying to not do.  Because it hurts so much.

Out of the bath I threw on layers.  Layers that when I tried to wear them on a cold day a couple of weeks ago I got to hot.  

I had on these layers and two blankets and two hot water bottles and I was still cold.  But my temperature wasn't.  Y'all?  THIS MAKES NO SENSE!  I know, I know, it's the body being clever fighting bugs, but to be knowingly warm and feeling freezing?  Bizarre.  So I'm trying to warm myself up but also using a cold compress to cool myself down all while knowing none of this made logical sense.

I took a night time cold/flu thing (even though last time I took them a year or so ago they made me not sleep at all) and didn't expect to sleep but I actually got a few solid hours.  I half woke up around 4 am again and just kind of lay there not asleep but I was happy to have gotten any sleep at all.

As of this writing, I'm three days (and half a night, apparently) in to this thing and I'd better not be jinxing it by typing this but I'm starting to feel a little hope?  I was hungry earlier.  Wild!  Exciting!

My back is still sore, but I haven't had a fever yet (knock on wood) today, or at least not since this morning.  Now that could be the meds but still, I'll take feeling slightly better over worse for sure.

I'm worried that this cough might linger for a long while.  I'm trying to be hopeful that it won't but...it's deep in there.

My Mom would like me to go to a doctor and I told her that I didn't really see the point in that (since I think this is viral and two covid tests have come back negative... not that that's a guarantee it's not covid of course) but that if I didn't feel better over the weekend (I'm writing this on the Friday) that I'd call on Monday.  She's worried I have a secondary infection but (ewwww!) the one thing I did manage to cough up (I'm terrible at coughing things up FWIW) wasn't terribly... uh... off coloured (sorry) just a little and my energy has been low but not non-existent and so I don't *think* I have a secondary infection but we'll see how things go.

I'm writing this in an energetic moment I'm having.  I've cancelled appointments for this week and am not working Monday and may book off the rest of the week depending on how today goes.  I mean I've only talked to my folks on the phone and when I do I sound terrible and then I cough so being in public or trying to do whatever my job is may not actually be doable yet, you know?

So yeah.  I got sick.  Quite sick.  I'm hating it.

Hopefully my next post will be with improved health!

(And yes, I'm a little bit mad at myself for slacking with my mask usage, especially the couple of times I was around someone sick but I over thought it in my head and didn't want to "appear rude" by putting it on but here we are... le sigh.)

Oh and?  My heart rate is SO elevated.  Like my resting heart rate is currently my "going for a walk" heart rate and when I did a few things around my apartment it went up to my like "working really hard on the treadmill" rate.  Crazy.  But my blood oxygen levels are fine (so far).  (Yes I have a monitor.  Bought it when lockdown happened when I was worried I might catch Covid and have to self monitor at home.  So between that and my thermometer I'm able to see if/when I might need outside help.)  And yes, I was tired.  Am tired.  Not so tired I can't function, but "need a nap" several times a day, even hours before bed tired.