Energy

I'm happy to have my appetite back (and yes the weight loss was temporary as I figured it would be) and to actually *want* to eat and I'm hoping that soon I will be able to get back to eating well rather than "I really need to give my body calories so it can fight this bug and deal with the antibiotics and stuff."

My sleep is weird - like I feel like I "finally" fall into really deep restful sleep once morning rolls round and then waking up and getting up is really really rough and miserable.

And I'm really lacking energy.  Motivational energy for real.  

Like over the weekend I wanted to get a few things done.  We had a snowfall warning so that was a decent motivation to get out and about before the snow hit (spoiler: it didn't, at least not at this elevation) and I actually walked to a bookstore downtown (I cough a fair bit when I'm walking FWIW) and back and I had the physical energy to do so.  But the mental/emotional energy to do other things is not there and it's hard.

I've said before that being on antibiotics really does seem to mess with my brain.  There are studies out there, by the way, that back this up.  My summary (as I understand it) is that antibiotics mess with the gut and there are bacteria in the gut that work with your brain and brain health and so yes some antibiotics do actually mess with your brain chemistry (?) and that can lead to or exacerbate anxiety and for sure in my case, depression.

So while it may *make sense* that right now I"m extra extra extra depressed (hence the lack of motivation), I still want to get things done.  Like I'd really like some of my muffins or some of my cookies but they got finished the first few days of me being sick and now two weeks later (feels longer than that) I haven't remade any.  Now part of that, sure, is me not wanting to cough all over baked goods so being smart there, but two grocery runs ago I got some bananas to make muffins and I'm on antibiotics so unlikely to infect myself while baking but I just can't gather the mental energy to stand in the kitchen and mix a handful of ingredients together.

I did a load of laundry early on to hopefully wash away any germs sticking around.  (I've also aired out my pillows every sunny day I could, by sticking them in the window and hoping sunlight and fresh air would get rid of anything nasty lingering... worth the effort eh?)  I dusted and swept one of the early days but now that I'm physically better, I'm just not finding the motivation to dust again.  Even though I can see areas that need it.

I'm fighting here.  My mind.  While my body is fighting germs/bacteria/infection/whatever.

Maybe my energy will come back once I'm off of these antibiotics and clear of this illness.  I sure hope so.

But damn it sucks.  I debated trying out a water fitness class the other day, but I didn't want to cough and worry people (it worries me when people around me cough) and then when it came down to it I just... couldn't.  It felt like a lot and so I didn't.

Sigh.  I hope I can get over that soon.  

Oh and?  There are days where once I'm awake all I want to do is nap/sleep but I try to avoid that as it messes up my night sleep attempts but damn I'm tired sometimes.