Wishing For A Normal

It's taken me a while to put together the words that *maybe* describe how I feel but here goes.....

I am struggling with a lot of "lack of normal" in my life right now.

Things with Jason aren't how they have been for a decade.  They're not normal or comfortable or usual.  This is an awful lot to deal with.

Things in the outside world aren't how they were for most of my adult life.  They're horrific and not comfortable and scary and I'm in a constant state of bracing for worse.  *This* is an awful lot to deal with.

Stuff happened in my family last week, and it's positive (I feel) and I'm happy about it but it's a big shift (not sure if/when I'll talk about it) but it's not normal or comfortable or what I've known all my life and this is an AWFUL lot to deal with.

There's not a lot of normal/regular I can sort of sink into right now, and I need that grounding sort of feeling.

I can distract for a while with "normal" things (work, groceries, exercise, shows) and that's good but the rest is hovering in the background just... there.  Waiting for me to slip up in my distraction attempts.

So yeah, there isn't a lot I can ground myself with right now because this is a lot of change and a lot of new and a lot of not good/not comfortable/not ok.

"This too shall pass" they say and I'm sure things will eventually settle for me in one or two of those areas but wow, sometimes I really do understand why people "numb out" with substances.  Life can really be unsettling and a lot, eh?