Of An Age

I am absolutely a "woman of a certain age".  And I have been trying to have medical people listen to me about what I have noticed going on with my body and what I think that meant for quite a long time now.  And some of them agreed but didn't have much agency to help.  My main doctor, that I feel very lucky to have, has been great at testing the symptoms I bring her to make sure it's not something, I don't know, major?

Last year I went to a naturopath that C-Dawg had seen for her own woman of a certain age stuff and we weren't a good match and I kept putting finding someone else off in part because it's expensive, even though I have some coverage through work it's still expensive, and my experiences with naturopaths over the years has been a bit not always realistic but this time I tried to look for someone who looks specifically at woman's health and perimenopause and menopause as a specialization and, well to make this story a bit shorter.... last week I took my last hormonal birth control (that I have been on for decades for both birth control and medical reasons and which, let's be honest has given me some hormonal support but also probably not supported me as well as I maybe could have been but I didn't know what I didn't know....and I was trying to figure it out) and transitioned to taking hormones specifically for this time of my life.

Yes.  While also dealing with my Mom's trip/fall and trying to help them through the worst of that and manage that situation.  (Which meant that when the Naturopath was talking to me about my blood pressure and sleep and anxiety I had to honestly say like look, things are really really stressful and not good right now!  This is a legit anxiety time!)

I had a small cry the first night I took the thing because it's maybe actually true that I am no longer a woman of child bearing age.  It is a signal, to me, that I am actually older.  I had a moment of sadness at this change.  When I went to pick up the medications at the pharmacy (with the giant NEW MEDICATION warning in the bag) my pharmacist (who I've known for years) said "well, welcome to the new phase of your life" and, well, yeah.  I wish I had someone to give me some hugs right now.  (I'll take digital hugs for sure but you know what I mean... a partner, someone I could lean on... be comforted by....)

I'm calling it HRT (hormone replacement therapy) but the Naturopath calls it MHT - Menopause Hormone Therapy which like... ouch.  (That makes me feel old... I know I am older but I don't... like no, that's like... not me???)

Do we/I know yet if I'm in perimenopause (the pre) or menopause?  Nope.  Does it matter?  Kinda?  Medically I guess?  To be indelicate, will I have another period?  I'm not sure yet and there's no way of knowing until my body does what it's going to do (which might be this week?) because when you're on the pill you get kind of a fake period and from what I understand the periods I've been having the last while maybe were "forced" by the pill hormones so we have no idea if that's going to happen or what and I've been reading ladies online talking about this stuff so I have more awareness than say my own Mom had when she went through "the change" (or whatever they called it for her generation) so I know there are no real knowns I can expect.  And I know there are risks.  Just as there were risks to being on the pill (but different risks) And I'm nervous about informing my doctor (I may ask the naturopath to do that I dunno.)  And in the few days since I made this medical choice I've been hyper paying attention to my body, mind and mood.  Did I sleep better?  Am I in a better mood?  Is my stomach hurting because I ate gummy dinosaurs or because I took a progesterone pill?

I go back to see the Naturopath at the start of September (and can email any questions I have before that) to see how I'm doing and go over the risks further and stuff but yeah.  

I'm a fifty one year old woman, currently single, going through hormonal changes and starting hormonal support therapy medication.  (And I'm both thinking I feel like more solid but also that it hasn't been long enough to really know so I'm not like for sure for sure.)

So yeah.  That's a thing that happened.  (And now I have to tell each practitioner I see for the next year or so that this is/has happened.... ok then....)