Monday, 15 October 2018


So it's Sunday morning (as of the time of me typing this... not as of the time of posting or you reading it... but you knew that, I think...) It's Sunday morning and I'm trying to write.  Well, I suppose technically I am actually writing.... so... I guess I should say I'm trying to write something more than just a babble.  So far no luck.  (Just a babble is what you're reading, hi.)

I'm not in a good mood.  Which makes me not want to talk.  I haven't woken up in a good mood in weeks.  Two, to be precise.  I'm not saying I wake up grumpy, that's most mornings... I mean I wake up and as soon as my brain realizes we're no longer asleep the anxiety and worry and fear and terror kicks in.

I'm usually (usually) able to slow it or put it aside to start my day but it really is a horrible way to wake up. It's a horrible way to have a day start... nevermind two weeks of it.  With no end in sight.

As in.. the things I'm stressing so highly over?  I don't see them changing or ending or getting "better", so it's on to me to try to change how I feel or react to them. 

Which brings me back to right now.  I'm grumpy.  Because I woke up from a fairly ok sleep and was hit within moments with panic.  Can't go back to sleep... don't feel motivated to do.... anything.  Hence grumpy. 

Hopefully it'll wear off a bit as the morning goes on.  Bad moods are not my fave.  At all.


Jason Langlois said...

I'm going to just keep holding out some hope that your brain is going to start working with you.

As for the writing - sometimes even just babble can help. But don't force something if it's adding to the stress and panic and feelings of anxiety.

Look after yourself first.

Victoria said...

Me too!

And I just had this funny image of one of those videos of an infant "talking" to their parent but it's all just babble... that's me!