One of the things that I kind of have to actively avoid thinking about, and I'm sorry to bring it up here and making it a permanent publicly displayed thought, is "how will this ever actually end?" I know we're learning more and more about this virus every day, and that scientists and doctors and experts are working really really hard to figure things out and I am so grateful for that.
I just, of course, don't know the answer for myself, and that's hard for my anxiety to handle when all it really ever wants is simple, clear, very black and white answers.
(Which, hi, life doesn't really do anyway but this situation certainly isn't doing....)
So I avoid thinking of "how long" and all the rest that goes along with that, but it's hard, and it's there and I wonder and I'm scared. And there is still a part of me, I swear, that isn't accepting that this is really happening in like a bizarre way... some kind of self preservation thing I'm sure but ugh.
Blah.
Sigh.
I don't like this.
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